Turn-Offs.

Keep in mind, any turn-off turns into a deal-breaker in excess.

1) Sloppiness. 
There is no excuse for sloppiness, clutter or anything like that. Really. I'm aware that it was portrayed in an episode of "Friends" but it has happened to me several times.    

I found myself dating a genuine babe, a real head-turner named Amber and going to her apartment for the first time & discovering how messy it was was a turn-off but because I had a hot girlfriend & I was a horny youngster of 25, I put up with it.           

However, going to her place on a Sunday & seeing a half-eaten bowl of ice cream on her dresser was gross but forgivable thinking she was enjoying some vanilla before I came over & would just wash the dishes tomorrow morning after I left but coming to her bedroom on a Wednesday & seeing the same bowl of now old ice cream remnants & mold on her dresser was a deal-breaker.

2) Smoking.
There is some fear that declaring this publicly will put me out of the San Francisco dating pool as sometimes when you walk past bars in this town you'll see more people outside smoking than inside drinking. All I can say is that if I see a beautiful woman suddenly put a cigarette to her lips, she goes down a few pegs in attractiveness.     

I don't feel that way if she puts a joint to her lips but I do feel that way about cigarettes.     

I've been into all kinds of bad habits & drugs but I've never smoked cigarettes because I hate the smell, the taste & the residue on one's fingers. If the woman insists on smoking in my bedroom or apartment, it is a deal-breaker. If a woman chain-smokes outside, I guess it is still a deal-breaker.

3) Arrogance, Elitism.
People have different hobbies & interests & different priorities. Just because they're different than yours doesn't mean they're stupid.I don't think I'm better than them.    

I don't like Rap (for the most part) but I don't hate the people that do.     

I have some close friends who are passionate about karaoke & while I support them I don't understand it. I've never enjoyed watching karaoke nor had a desire to do it myself. Nobody who gets up there can sing as well as they think they can. Playing Guitar Hero doesn't make you a musician, doing karaoke doesn't make you a singer. But I don't think I'm better or cooler because I don't do it. I just don't like it.    

I always hated the hipster's with their 'us vs. them' mentality. "I don't listen to that shit," so I'm cooler than you.     

Assholes have been going around claiming to be anti-mainstream for so long that they ARE the mainstream. 
    

Judging others goes along with this characteristic. I don't like those who judge others because you are being arrogant & elitist. They different than you, & you're not better.

4) Mean, Lack of Compassion, Lack of Empathy.
Sadly most people who were bullied in their youth grow up to be bullies, too. Nobody abuses like the abused, is something I've often said. I hate bullies & mean people.
I don't like mean people even if you are being a sweetheart to me.     

I've had girlfriends who'd go to bars & parties & verbally destroy every pretty female there. I once witnessed another girlfriend slap her mother's face "because she doesn't listen to me." -That last one was definitely a deal-breaker, never returning her call ever again.
    

Bullies; my hatred for bullies comes out under this topic. Mean, compassionless, non-empathetic people are bullies & I don't want them in my life. 
     

Shit, this may be a deal-breaker already.

5) Jealousy, Possessiveness.
I'm not jealous by nature. I've got an ego, but I'm not jealous or possessive.     

If we are in a monogamous relationship than I expect those terms to be adhered-to but I don't care how many men you've had in your life before I got there. It could be 2 or 2,000, I genuinely don't care & if you want to talk about it, -sure. If you've got any stories interesting, compelling & funny about various guys you've been with, -tell them to me, even if it makes you sound like a total tramp. I wouldn't care because you're with me now. I'm not going to judge you & I know people have various journeys & phases to go thru. I could never be jealous of a girl's previous lovers. If we go out for drinks & you look at the cute bartender, I wouldn't care because you're going home with me. If you made bedroom eyes & then slipped him your phone #, then there's a problem. But so much of my relationships have been effected by jealousy & possessiveness.     

I observe & watch everybody, especially good-looking people, I love telling stories, I've been with a lot women. If these are a problem for you, than don't get involved with me.

6) Atheist.
Being an Atheist is not a deal-breaker but it is certainly a turn-off & I must say most atheists I meet are not really atheists. You'll find they believe in things like karma & 'the Universe' & they really do have a spiritual side. They just don't like Christianity & that makes sense because most self-described Christians tend to be so unlike Christ whereas every devout Buddhist I've met seems to be who Jesus Christ was aspiring to be. 
         

Personally, I've very Spiritual & think about God frequently & try, tho I'm sometimes lazy, to spend 5% of my day in prayer & meditation, or quiet reflection about God. It keeps me sane & balanced & makes me & my life more tolerable. 
    

That said, my reason for viewing Atheists as a turn-off is for the simple fact; Atheists aren't sexy. 
    

For real, if given the choice to have sex with 2 equally beautiful individuals but one is an atheist & the other is spiritual or even religious, I'll go for the religious one. 
For some reason, spiritual people are better in the sack than non. It just is. Telling me you're an atheist is like telling me, "I'm really not that good in bed & there definitely won't be any snuggling afterwards either." 
    

I'm dead serious. 
    

Atheists aren't sexy & seem to have a cap on the amount of joy & pleasure they can experience.

7) Non-Reader.
This hasn't been a problem when living in major cities; Seattle, San Francisco, Boston, etc. but back to my place of birth; Melbourne, Florida, I'd meet cuties at the beach, the bar & various places & when I asked them what they liked to read, they'd actually laugh in my face. 
    

I don't expect you to be extraordinarily well-read & nor will I judge you it you like commercial fiction writers like Dan Brown, Jackie Collins, James Grisham, etc. I've had pretentious literary hipster friends judge me for devouring self-help books & true-crime. I don't care what you read as long as you do. I love to read so much that it is almost a deal-breaker for me if you never read, or don't like reading.


8) Ugly Feet.
A person can't help it if they have ugly feet but they can beautify their feet, take good care of them thru exfoliating pads & lotions. I love a woman with naturally beautiful feet & can get erect thinking about them or looking at her feet when she wears flip-flops. 
    

However, if you don't have pretty feet, I respect you & appreciate you a great deal for taking good care of your them. It is when you've got ugly feet or even pretty feet oft-neglected with dry cracked heels, discolored nails, foot fungus, etc, -that I can't stand you. 
    

While I've never kicked a woman out of bed for having ugly feet, I have made them wear socks before.

9) Ebonics.
I love all races, creeds & colors & have made love to just about all of them but I detest Ebonics, I hate when black people talk that way, when white people talk that way, when asians talk that way, when anybody talks that way. At times, it hurts my ears. 
    

One of my proudest moments was when I was alone & angry & drinking in a bar & some big chunky white guy slaps me on the back & gives me this odd & long-winded greeting thick with ebonics. I said to him thru anger & unwarranted malice, "What the fuck are talking to me like this for?!"
    

He immediately stopped talking, his mouth dropped, then he paused & softly introduced himself as "Chad" & politely pointed to my tattoos & asked if I had just "gotten of prison or something?"

10) Racism, Homophobia.
I am understanding & forgiving & would want people to be comfortable enough with me that they'd share with me that they don't like certain groups or are not comfortable with certain types of individuals. I think everybody has certain prejudices & bigotries & if you insist you do not, I'm going to call you a liar. I've got a few bigotries & prejudices myself but oddly mine don't have anything to do with people's race, ethnicities or sexual orientation. I love all races & ethnicities & all sexual orientations amongst adults but if you don't, I'll want to know why & will try to understand & won't judge you as most bigotries are inspired by experience, NOT upbringing. 
    

My point is, if you don't like certain people due to their race, ethnicities or homosexuality, it is a major turn-off but not a deal-breaker. 


Deal-Breakers.

Keep in mind that while deal-breakers can be identifiable & understandable, a good portion of them will be based on nothing more than one's own prejudice or bigotry.

1) Republicans, Right-Wingers.
I'm not so naive as to believe that there are no bad or corrupt Democrats but I flat-out hate Republicans & Right-Wingers. They are the low of the American low. The sort of people who view such concepts as 'compassion' & 'empathy' with contempt. They insist they want less Government but create laws to dictate women's bodies, who can & cannot get married & maintain wars despite the fact the vast majority of the country doesn't want them. 
    

I genuinely hate Republicans & know I couldn't be in a relationship with one & in truth, can barely be in a friendship with a right-winger. 
    

Are there any good Republicans out there? I read Barry Goldwater's book he wrote in the early 60s but the Republican he described then doesn't exist anymore, & I admired Guiliani until he dropped his gay friends & associations when he tried to be a national contender & began supporting laws against a women's right to choose.      McCain was pro-choice in 2000, but he's an old fool now with a nary a backbone or good idea in his fucken head. (Sarah Palin?!) 
    

That's another thing, if you are not Pro-Choice, we can't be in a relationship either. Nobody has a right to tell a woman what to do with her body. Abortions need to remain safe & legal & I hate the anti-choice right-wingers out there with a burning passion.      They're terrorists & killers, plain & simple. 
    

I really hate Republicans & will lose any attraction to a woman the moment I learn she's a Republican. Seriously, you become butt-ugly to me. If a man I meet turns out to be a Republican, he's suddenly less admirable or interesting to me. I'm dead serious. I don't like Right-Wingers. I accept it. They've got a right to express themselves & I'll fight for their right to do so but I do hate them & know I could never be in a relationship with one. 
    

Not ever, ever, ever. 

2) Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Psycho-Therapists, Believe it or Not, Anybody Who Works in the Field of Psychology.
This may shock some of my friends & may take me out of the dating pool with certain people I am currently interested in, but I am prejudice against psychologists, psychiatrists, & anyone who works in the field of psychology. 

I have a buddy named Terrance who told me he's thinking of going back to school to become a psychotherapist. He'll probably be a good one but I believe the entire field of psychiatry & psychology is mostly filled with bad people. First off, I read psychology regularly & find that it is a fascinating subject but it isn't a science anymore than astrology is a science. Psychology is nothing but glorified guess-work, that's all. We give psychologists a blind authority we don't give any other profession. Remember, this is the profession that gave humanity the fontal-lobotomy. Just because a psychologist said it doesn't make it true and what is a popular thought in psychology one year is totally disregarded years later often by the same psychologists.     

Fuck you. You're ruining lives while playing guessing games.     

There are more sex abuse cases amongst psychologists & psychiatrists than any other medical field. Most people who are on medication don't need to be. Some do, most do not. I don't like or trust people in this industry. I don't. I've watched them ruin lives. Childhoods are being destroyed by psychiatrists giving children potent anti-depressants because parents are too lazy to be parents. People who go to psycho-therapists are at their most vulnerable & they're giving assholes an invitation to fuck with their heads. I hate all people who work in the fields of psychology, I really do. I think there may be some good ones out there but they are few & far between. 

In a non-work setting, everybody I've met who is a psychotherapists, psychologists or psychiatrists was a complete & total arrogant asshole who thought they knew everything. I hate them & if there's one bigotry I'll confess to, it is the field of psychology. Those people are sick & do yourself a favor & not talk to me. I assume you are bad until you prove otherwise. 
    

If I am striking up a conversation with an interesting woman & she tells me she is in the field of psychology, I will immediately quit talking to her & go somewhere else. I've even had major bad experiences with psychology majors. I read psychology all the time & have a fairly great knowledge but it is only guess-work, that is all that it is. Just fucken guess-work & anybody who wants to dedicate their lives to it is a manipulative prick out to fuck with other people's heads, (until you prove otherwise.) 
      

It is my bigotry & I don't apologize for it & it doesn't have to make sense to you. 
I hate all people who work in the field of psychology. 
    

Even police profilers are simply playing a guessing-game & they're wrong as frequently as they are right. Are you going to tell me they're not ruining lives?
Fuck them, too.

The Most Important Deal-Breaker.

3) Must Like or at the Very Least, Respect My Art.
Just about everybody I know that went to college, male or female, has a funny story about hooking up with some hot acting major & then going to see them in a play & being horrified by how inept they were. 
    

Once in Seattle, I met this cute actress who was in a local play & when I went to go see her, hoping to get into her pants at the cast party afterwards, she & the play were so bad I had to sneak out during intermission & never spoke to her again. 
    

I know a woman in Athens, GA who gladly bedded some dude "cause he's in a band,' only to discover his band really sucked.
    

I'd love to be in a relationship with a visual artist. Once dated a woman who used her menstrual blood to paint painting with & I thought it was cool & it is a shame it did not work-out. 
    

In my 20s, I was dating this woman from Uruguay named Marina who worked as a professional escort & she looked & felt & fucked just like you'd expect a hot South American professional escort to look & feel & fuck. Interestingly enough, she came from an old rich Montevideo family & had a MFA from NorthWestern. She came to San Francisco after college like so many people do after they study hard for 4 to 6 years, "I want to party in America's Paris for a few years before I settle down somewhere else and have serious career & life."
    

She became an escort, not because she needed the money but because she really liked to fuck. Marina also said she was collecting experiences to write down as her Master's was in Creative Writing. Knowing this & having a similar attitude towards life & art, I asked her to look at my writing & she refused. 

     Why? "Because it probably isn't any good, that's why."
     How would you know if you don't read it? "Because you can always tell who the real writers are from the wannabes."
     How? "You can just tell." 
     Well, then how can you tell I am just a wannabe? "Because the wannabes are the ones always going around asking people to read their writing."

    

It hurt & then she further refused to share her writing with me as "your opinion wouldn't really matter," but at the time, all I could think about was I was getting something for free that other men were paying a thousands of dollars for. 
I was writing & performing weekly with theater groups like Popcorn Theater but she was never a part of it & when asked why she was with me, she'd say things like, "...funny, ...big dick, ...always has drugs."

I put up with it because of the hot thing I was getting. 

Seeing her at a gym years later, she was clean & sober & engaged to a Jewish fellow who knew nothing of her sex worker past. (So much for writing all those stories down, Marina.) When we spoke, we chatted & laughed like old friends & then she asked if I was still writing & I said, "What do you care?"

She was a little taken aback.

What do you mean, Zeke? "I mean you never took an interest in my writing before. You never gave a fuck before. Why would you care whether I'm writing now?"

She sort of made a sad face, then nodded her head & that was pretty much the end of the conversation.     

But what I wished I had the balls to say was,"You know, Marina. You were a whore when I dated you & I didn't care, it wasn't in my nature to judge & all I wanted was for you to read some of my writing. You wouldn't & as long as you are living in a lie, you won't be able to write any of your truth down."

I'm sure her & her clueless husband moved away from San Francisco a long time ago. It'd be interesting to know how she remembers me anyway. 
    

Today, I can't imagine being in a relationship with a woman who had no interest in my writing. If you hate the topics I frequently write about; sex, depression, disappointment, desperation, bad decisions, good decisions, violence, relationships, regret; than you're not really going to like me. 
    

I do write fiction & I do write autobiographical fiction but whenever I write, I am always inspired & motivated by the advice Hemingway gave all writers, "Write clear and hard about what hurts."
    

-That's what I write about. That's what I talk about on stage. 

It can still be funny, it can still be sweet, it can still be sad; it can be everything but if you tell me you can't stomach it, you can't share it with your friends & family than you can't stomach me, or share me with your friends & family.
    

If you don't like an artist's art, than you won't be in that artist's life for long.
    

The greatest deal-breaker is the woman who cannot appreciate, admire or find value in my writing.

If my other 2 deal-breakers be based on my own personal bigotries & prejudices, this is the one for whom all can understand & identify & this is the greatest deal-breaker ever. 
    

You don't like my art, you don't like me.


Zeke Tyrus
San Francisco, CA 
7:45 pm
8/5/2009
The Sestri Hotel