I coach my son’s soccer team and have coached him since he was six.  I love coaching because I am hyper by nature plus it’s a great way to give something back to the community and pass my knowledge of the sport.

  Soccer is a great community sport.  It is the most democratic of all sports.  Everyone is equal.  Everyone has an equal chance of scoring.  Soccer embodies all classes, races, creeds, religions. . .people all over the world play soccer.  At the professional level, you are literally competing against the world, not just your own country, that’s why soccer’s fan base is so massive and so fanatical.     

  I tell the kids my philosophy at the beginning of the first practice, as we sit in a little semi-circle, their minds fifty million miles away from what I’m talking about:  “Sports and competition are never about you against an opponent, or you against another team, or you against another coach, parent, school, city, state, club, country, whatever.  It is always about you against yourself.  You against your insecurities, your frailties, your perceived limitations.  It is eighty percent mental.  When you can get your mind right, you can do great things.  When you have confidence in yourself, you can move mountains.  There is nothing that cannot be done by a willing mind.  Impossible is nothing.”  So on and so forth.  This is generally the gist of it and the kids just look at me as if I’m speaking Chinese.  I could be reciting to them the ingredients of Purina Cat Chow and they would have gotten the same out of it.  

  The first game of the season was upon us and the 11 and 12 year olds were feeling the gnawing pangs of fear and uncertainty of a new season.  Everybody looked a little worried.  Even our ringers, Mario and Armando, looked a little uncertain.  I knew I had a strong team with a lot of talent but somehow they were lacking the confidence.  Either they intimidated each other, intimidated themselves, or they were just plain scared and it showed. 

  The first half of the game was tough.  We were up against a strong team and were playing tentatively.  The other team was beating us to the ball, they were more aggressive, they were scoring goals left and right and simply dominating every element of the game. 

  The parents tried to charge them up with Banshee shrieks of encouragement that bordered on maniacal but it had little effect.  It was a massacre.  The halftime whistle blew and we were down three goals, which in soccer basically means the game is over.  This is especially true if the other team is dominating possession and assaulting our net constantly.    

  At half time, many of the kids were in tears at the frustration of being so overwhelmed the first game of the season.  I had never seen so many kids emotionally broken up by a game.  I think part of the frustration was they believed they were so good in practice, that getting humbled by a better team just didn’t make sense.  How could they lose?  Their entire outlook on the game and their teammates was shattered. 

  I tried to tell them just to hang in there, be more aggressive, take more shots, clear the ball, get more physical, but the players complained that they couldn’t do anything and that the other team was just too good.  They kept saying over and over that they couldn’t try any harder.  They were giving it everything they had and it was not working. 

  The situation was hopeless.  I had to come up with a strategy.

  As I sat the kids down while they munched orange halves, slurped juice and wiped their tears, I said, “why don’t we try something different?”  I saw a few eyes roll and faces growing flush.

  “Don’t try so hard.  Try softer.”  The kids looked at me like I stepped off an alien space ship.  They all chimed in at once, “then we’ll totally get killed!  It’s already three zero!  We’ll lose ten zero!” 

  I said, “relax, play your game and don’t be scared.  And most importantly: (I paused for a few beats of silence) HAVE FUN.”  It was almost as if they forgot what that word meant.  Like it was a word they shouldn’t be hearing.  Something forbidden.  It was the most important thing and somehow it had slipped everyone’s mind.  Everybody was so wrapped up in trying hard, winning, scoring goals; and everyone had such huge expectations for the team, the players, the parents, myself, the other coaches, that we forgot the singular most important ingredient -- just have fun.

  The second half they came out like gang busters.  They weren’t hanging their heads anymore.  They were faster and their kicks were more powerful.  Things seemed to flow and they came back with a few quick goals, right after kick off, and we were suddenly back in the game! 

  We not only caught up and tied them, but beat them by two goals.  The kids came off, laughing and happy, totally forgetting about the halftime drama and tears. 

  That team went on to win the league, undefeated, consistently beating a U-16 girls club team in scrimmages and, on occasion, a U-19 boys team.  Their confidence was soaring because now they approached everything with the mindset of, “this is a game and I am here to have fun.  I’m going to play like it’s the World Cup final but I am going to enjoy myself whether I am lucky or not.” 

  When they no longer operated out of fear or desperation, their skills just flowed.  Like they say in martial arts, “Let your mind flow”.  Just have fun and things will go your way. 

  When I talk to pro athletes, I find the same philosophy applies.  They play the game first and formost because they enjoy it.  When it stops being fun, that’s when their game suffers.

  It took me a while to figure this out.  I had never really considered the mental side of the game.  I played a lot of sports when I was younger and got a scholarship to play tennis in college and played some pro tournaments and played soccer at the collegiate and semi-pro level, but it never crossed my mind how much our mind influences our performance.    

  I always thought that sports were all about skill and natural ability.  I used to think I could just show up at a tournament and, because my skills were so much better than the other person, winning would just automatically happen. 

  Later I realized those factors are big but until you get your mind right, you will never take it to the next level.  I remember losing matches against inferior opponents because, although their skills were less than mine, their hearts were bigger and their desire and courage was much greater. 

  I was young and all about showing off how powerful I was.  But I would crumble easily when I felt things weren’t going my way or that I was “unlucky”.  I assumed the gods just weren’t on my side that day and just succumbed to that fate. 

  When you get older you realize you create your own fate and your own luck by your will and courage and desire and ultimately love. 

  When you approach any sport like a game and play just for the joy of it and have a good time, you will be so much greater and things will flow because you will have eliminated fear.  It’s fear that trips us up.  It gets in our way and makes our steps heavier.  

  When you become filled with joy and love and are no longer scared about losing or worrying about making mistakes, your skills will automically respond.  You will be happy just to be out there doing what you came here to do in the first place...play.