Zombie Survival: How To Kill A Zombie
84Zombie Killing
Zombie Kill Guide
Zombies are them troublesome dead walkers that just get in the way of a good night out, they either want to eat your brains or have a quick nibble on your nuts, they are usually slow creatures that are easy to outrun, but in high numbers and in confined spaces they can be fatal, this is a guide of sorts on how to kill a zombie, it is common sense people so in the event of a zombie holocaust it is advisable that you take the necessary precautions against these undead deadites.
First and foremost, when you shoot a gun try and aim for the head shot, because in too many films have I seen some rather dumb people just waste valuable ammo shooting the zombies shoulders and chest, one head shot seems to do it and if you can't shoot straight, it's best to go to a shooting range to practice your gun skills, because if you don't you will probably be that bad at shooting a gun, you will pop a cap in some poor bastards arse who may not be a zombie and that would be bad.
Sharpen them machetis up, so that when the time comes you can have yourselves a zombie decapitation spree in the local shopping mall whilst doing the shopping, could be a bit of entertainment, as severing the head from the body is also a way to go for killing a zombie, the brain seems to be the main force driving these deadly rotting creatures.
Other ways you may not have thought of:
Liquid nitrogen could be a good alternative when thrown on the head, be careful not to get any of it on your hands and genitals as they will be as cold as a snowmans balls, liquid nitrogen may not be a common substance so a bit of carefully controlled fire in a confined room could do the trick, as always though aim for the head, try and destroy that brain as they are really quite thick anyway - don't let Bub fool you by flicking through a book and loading a gun like in the original Day Of The Dead.
Knives and other stabbing weapons, aim for the brain, you could get to it through the eyes, the nose or the mouth or even the ears.
Warning If the zombies are the fast running kind that is actually quite disrepectful to classic zombies, then you may get eaten, so stock up on guns to take them all down with a head shot, you may want to do this sniper style from the roof of a building, particularly if you want to gain access to a casino or cinema for a little entertainment and popcorn.
Household Furniture and other stuff - Around the house there may be just the thing for killing a zombie right under your nose, so prepare in advance, a chair for instance can be broken and made into a weapon to fend of those dirty zombie ho's, or a glass vase smashed over the head may just dig in the zombies brain and make them die....yeahhh kill the zombies!!
There may be other inventive ways to kill zombies with grenades or by lighting your own farts on them, but whatever you choose, make it count, before they over run the world and form political parties of their own and run for president and prime minister of all countries and they make us pay taxes and make us watch reality TV....oh no I've just realized it's worse than I thought, they are already here....reality TV is at an all time high...we will become zombies soon....noooooooooooooooo!
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How Would You Kill Zombies?
Yes we gotta prepare for zombie invasion and they'll have such reality show classics of their own like "I'm a zombie get me out of here" and "Zombies Kitchen"
We have to end this when the time comes...zombies bah! we know how to stop you!
ROFLMAO!!! Love it. You forgot the ultimate classic though. Chainsaws are great against zombies, albeit leaving messy stinking rot splashing everywhere. Watch out for the kind where the pieces keep going after dismemberment too.
I think it's rather happily ironic that you would post this the day I got a script for a zombie project approved. There are a couple anti-zombie weapons you forgot, however. Helicopter rotors and vinyl LP's have proven effective against zombies. As for guns, well the best to take them out would of course be a... Winchester!
Yeah Chainsaws, how could I forget this, or even a lawn mower from that classicly funny movie Braindead(loved that film!) oh yeah Return of the living dead was the main films for body parts that wouldn't die. cheers Robert for the chainsaws, can't believe I forgot that one!!
Thanks Val
Current classics you have there and I call myself a horror film buff, especially the helicopter rotor blades slicing up some zombies or rage infected nutters, but the vinyl LP's and the winchester I should have remembered(but don't mention the Z word!)
Script for a zombie project?
Great Zombie hub, I gave it a rate up, I am a big zombie fan too. I got a Zombie Movie Hub http://hubpages.com/hub/Best-Zombie-Movie , check it out and leave a comment, I'd like to know what you think.
lol, great hub, I ran a poll on another site to determine the best weapon for zombie slaying and the most popular choice was a 'light-saber', not sure where you'd find one in the event of a zombie outbreak though.
Not sure if you've played 'Left 4 Dead', but that's a great game for a bit of zombie slaying madness. =)
Light sabers would be cool if they actually had them, I'd be happily killing zombies with them all day and it would be great if as soon as you strike them down they just dissappear like obi wan kenobi after darth vader whacked him with a light saber!!
Oh yes I liked that game...! killing zombies could turn into an actual olympic event!!
i am a sci-fi, horror,action movie fan but i just haven't been able to get past cannibalism to enjoy zombie movies....great hub none the less
how to kill a zombie?hmmmmmm?lets see lets see how would I kill a Zombie?I guess the only way to truly kill a zombie is to cremate them burn them down to ashe.total destruction of their bodies if not they will keep coming and coming and coming......
Yep that'll do it Bill, ground them into dust and make them into glue sticks and market them in a cool way, could be quite lucrative!
glow in the dark zombie sticks sticks that move on their own arrrgghhrrr!!!
Yes that's it sorted then, the marketing slogan is there!
nice post. you have to be you hit the right spot on the zombie. check it out.
Awesome hub, fun and well written. Please check out mine Waynet http://hubpages.com/hub/Killing-Zombies. Keep it up and again your writing style is cool.
Ah read the Zombie Survival Guide people. Chainsaws are a no no. I love this article. I never thought to think that household furniture could be used.
Cheers now HC23!
Zombies are everywhere, so lets stop them!!
This hub and the corrolating comments are rather offensive to us enslaved undead. It's not offensive due to the graphic nature by which you would dispose of said zombie (we do not fear death, we long for it), but rather because since death eludes us it dredges up feelings of isolated desperation. Loneliness is our only friend, and our Bokor will not allow us redemption. I therefore implore you, when killing your next zombie, do so with compassion and dignity because though we are not to be considered human, we were at one time. Sleep is wasted on the living.
Thanks Xomby for those common sense words of zombie killing wisdom...you heard it people, zombies are to be respected so chop off their heads with feeling!!!
Nice job Waynet, I think I'll link to it from my Zombie survival guide. In my guide I outline how to survice the attack and not how to kill the Zombies...
Cheers now Richard!!
Yes I've read your zombie survival guide, so cheers for the link back, I just think if we all know how to kill them, then we'll be ready for them when this Swine flu turns into a zombie virus!!
So here's a question for you, you have an ex girlfreind of boyfreind that turns into a zombie.....now do you still respectuflly be-head them in an honerable fashion. Or do you take you anger out on them for always nagging to take out the trash when that oh so important game is on.....usually at the most pivitol moments to boot.
I would chain them up and do some kinky stuff....ugh just kidding, no I would chain them up and do all the things they nagged me about in front of them, I'd throw my sockson the floor and leave them there for weeks,I'd leave hair in the sink,I'd eat my food whilst talking and I'd fart in their face and laugh!!!
Lets not forget to belch/fart while doing your best Al bundy on the couch impersonation.
also, we need to hope that the zombies are not of the "Return of the Living Dead" variety since they were unkillable...still, at least they were pretty funny too...
Er yes snake eyes...!
I liked the Return of the Living Dead and the zombies were ace as they would say what they wanted and that was BRAINS!!!!!!!!
Cheers Jellydonut25
Thanks for the list. It is very helpful. I will make a list and post on fridge just in case.
Your welcome! spread the word!!
a more funnier way to kill a zombie if you live in a apartment building and u live on the top floor trow the tv out the window and hope you hit the fucker on the head haha
Yes that'll do it kill the zombie!
Uninvited Writer says:
5 months ago
Damn...that was on my list to write :)
You did a much better job than I could have, this is must-have information!