So I walk into my apartment last week, put a stack of mail on the arm of my couch and sit down to open it. I pick up a letter-hand addressed from my mother. It's an "I-love-you-just-because" card with a water color landscape on the front, which I immediately get up to pin to my bulletin board of Mommy Loves Me paraphenelia. While in the kitchen I realize I'm hungry, make myself a sandwich, eat it while reading that new book I just borrowed from Adam, which reminds me I should call him but oh yeah he's at work-work, I have work in three hours I need to take a shower so I take a shower but halfway through I decide not to wash my hair becauseIhavetoemailConnieandJoebeforeIleave--Right. The mail. Now wearing a towel I sit down (again) and sort through the mail: junk, junk, bills, junk, something from my father. I open up the hand-addressed envelope and unfold a printed article from The LA Times, January 28th, 2008 titled: Growing Up With, And Out Of, ADHD. Hm, I wonder what that's like?

Obviously, I am similarly afflicted, as well as my brother and my dad. My mom is the antithesis of attention challenged. My brother is of the "can't sit still" persuasion, the type reportedly more able to grow out of their fidgety nature while Daddy and I are more inclined to be "dreamy, forgetful, inattentive." The types who wander off mid-sentence to find some ice-cream. Why? I dunno, just occurred to me. Mmm... ice-cream...

Sorry, back to the point. Anyway, this article focused on Finnish children, some with ADD/ADHD, some without, and their American counterparts. I suppose the point was that Americans are somewhere around 75% more likely to medicate this disorder, yet the 16-18 year olds tend to exhibit the same trends, with or without Ritalin.

What stuck out to me however was the genetic aspect of it, the likliness of it being passed down paternally and the pattern of treatability. Those hyperactive kids who shove crayons up their noses and throw mud at prissy little girls are more likely to grow up into fully functional adults than the bright, well-mannered but for some reason unmotivated and prone to drifting children. Yet the wild ones get medical attention and a diagnosis while the rest of us are admonished for not getting our homework done. I was left standing with my poor grades with no excuse: I didn't really forget, I understood the material, I recognized the consequences of my bad behavior, I simply for some reason... didn't do it. This isn't something I outgrew. Finally meriting an ADD diagnosis some time after my 18th birthday, I started medication which set me on the academic path I had always dreamed of. Until I skipped a day. Then... well I skipped one, another one won't hurt. Until I skipped a class. Etc., etc. This vicious cycle has repeated well into my twenties, and I find myself frustrated daily with tasks that come so easily to others: making my bed, getting up to feed myself, paying bills, going to work, making pertinent phone calls. It's not that I don't want to, I just... don't.

So where did that come from? You think ADD you think loud and crazy, not reserved and introspective-two words that for the most part apply to my father. Oh wait, I remember his office was an explosion of briefcases, a fold-out couch that was too covered in clutter to EVER fold out, back-issues of history and/or train magazines dating from before I was born, the wrapping and receipts of electronic gizmos and gadgets that he bought years ago, the wrapping and receipt for the replacement gizmo when the old one became outdated. This sounds familiar to me-pack rat tendencies, the inability to sort through the junk: "I'll get to it eventually" echoes in my memory. But he stuck with it, got a degree, created a very successful life for himself without ever having the benefit of medication. So where did I go wrong?

Well here's the question: is medication really a benefit? Yes and no, is the answer. It's such a highly individualized issue that I really have to focus personally. The placebo effect of knowing that there are pills out there that are supposed to make me focus and then taking them is enormous. I can feel the difference on days when I do and don't take my medication. I can force myself through the mundane chores and errands with more tenacity and single-mindedness than I ever could without them, or maybe this just makes it easier. All I know is that life is a constant, always engaged struggle just to accomplish the most basic of tasks which I can only imagine in triplicate without medicinal aid. And I say only imagine because I'm too afraid to give it at shot at this point. As for my father, growing up in the baby-boomer era children were expected to take responsibility for themselves-they hadn't begun to blame "neglect/ADD/other childhood issues" for every little shortcoming that manifested itself. Today's youth is so soft, so ready to shove responsibility elsewhere. "It's not my fault, my mother smoked while she was pregnant with me. Don't blame me, I was raised by a nanny." And society nods sympathetically and holds our hands while we stumble into a stunted adulthood aided (or impeded?) by medication and other crutches. He had to make do with what he was given, and he did better than that. He didn't just make lemonade, he made a Fortune 500 lemonade corporation.

I guess the more TV, the more video games, the faster we move, the more we need to get done contributes greatly to the ADD/ADHD phenomenon. It's not just that it's becoming more readily diagnosed, it's literally becoming a more prevalent occurrance in our youth. But the bandwagon being such an allure, perhaps the prescription of Adderall becomes easier to write out with each psychiatrist picking up his/her pen. That you can decide for yourself...

But with all the alternatives out there, don't be so quick to dope up your kids on the Concerta. Sometimes, it's what works. But what about therapy? Tutors? Meditation? Do your research. Don't let the dreamy kids think they're underperforming because they're dumb, look into the possibility that there's something there, something they can overcome in order to perform to the best of their ability. I'm only just scratching the surface of my own ability, and it's liberating to know that I CAN do it. It's just the how that gets a little tricky sometimes.