My favorite Christmas is a song that I didn't like when I was younger - "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". I used to think the word, "little," in the song was "stupid".

Over time the song grew on me. First, I began to appreciate the very pretty melody and began to overlook the fact that I wasn't too taken by the words (mostly that, "little"). Somewhere along the way I began to listen to all the words other than that "little", and I realized the words are very meangingful. I decided that the song had more meaningful words in it than that one "stupid" word, and I became more forgiving.

Of course, time can change us, as well as our preference for music. When I was a child, the two kinds of Christmas music that meant the most to me were traditional, religious, Christmas music and the lighter, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" kind of songs. That, I suppose, was because I went to church with my father and, even as a child, found the traditional/religious music very beautiful at Christmas. Also, being a child, I of course liked the lighter songs.

My father passed away when I was 21; and although the family continued to have the same kind of Christmases, things (and I) had changed. I continued to like the same songs I had liked all along, but once I got into my twenties there were office parties, company parties, and parties with young, single, friends. Christmas was still primarily about family to me, but new dimensions had been added. I guess when you're in your twenties you're close enough to your childhood and teen years to still like the same music, and you're not spending a lot of time analyzing lyrics and melodies to songs you've heard "forever".

When my children were little my sister's children were similar in age to mine. There were two other family members who were of that age as well, so Christmas was all about the children - and about as busy and chaotic as Christmases can be. There was, of the course, the Santa shopping and the gift shopping. There was the figuring out of which fancy dish would be for which fancy vegetable for the Christmas dinners that were always at my house (because I had the youngest children).

I'd generally tune out the incessant Christmas music piped into every store at the mall, supermarket, and even empty parking lots. Christmases were fun but crazy, and getting ready for them left little time for calmly listening to, and reflecting on, Christmas music. The one thing I would do would be on Christmas Eve, when, after the kids and my husband were all asleep, I'd put the television on that Yule Log that used to be on and listen to the traditional Christmas music. It was my little moment of peace after a long Christmas season and before I had to get up and make dinner for 22 people, along with everything else there was to do.

As the years passed the children, of course, grew to be young adults. It was twelve years ago that my mother passed away, and thirteen years ago that my older sister became a grandmother. Her daughter has since had three more children, which means my sister's Christmas Day has now become centered around her grandchildren. Our Christmas Day visiting routine has, over time, gradually changed, along with the ages of our children.

These days my children are young adults with friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc., but no spouses or children yet. Christmas does include my children, their father, my brother, and anyone else who shows up; but it's a quieter time. My sister has a separate Christmas get-together at her house on a different day. My kids' paternal grandparents are no longer with us; and like their cousins on my side, their cousins on their father's have grown and gone out on their own. Even though it has been some time since my parents have both passed away, there is always that thing we have at Christmas that kind of hangs over our head and makes us think of those Christmases when we were kids and had both our parents - and it seemed as if things would be like that forever.

I still like the traditional Christmas music (although after the first few decades of listening to it one can get a little tired of it). I still love the "Rudolph" and "Frosty" kind of songs. I find "Little Drummer Boy" and, particularly, "Do You Hear What I Hear" beautiful songs. Very beautiful, too, are "For Unto Us A Child Is Born" and "Hark the Herald Angels Sing". Heck, I've even come around to liking "We Three Kings" (after really disliking that song as a kid).

I've come far enough past the loss of my parents (and all their siblings and siblings' spouses, as well) that Christmas is, of course, a happy and special holiday. Still, I suppose our tastes in Christmas music may reflect our stage of life and feelings more than one would think.

A few years ago I decided to download a Christmas song to my cell phone. I happened to run into "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" and decided it was a pretty melody to use as a ringtone. Over time, I began to pay more attention to that song, truly forgive the lyricist for using the word, "little" (which no longer seemed so stupid), and listen more carefully to the words.

My favorite line is when the song gets to "Hang a shining star upon the highest bough" (although I, personally, have a Christmas angel for my tree). What I guess I most like about the song, though, is that it recognizes that Christmas isn't always about decking the halls for office and company parties or even running ourselves ragged in our effort to be Santa's helpers.

"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" recognizes that when being young and single is a thing of the past; when office parties (now often called "Winter celebrations" and held in January just to make sure nobody mistakes them for a Christmas party) are no longer what they once were; and even after there's no more need to put out those plates of cookies (and having Daddy eat them but make sure to leave some crumbs); Christmas remains special in ways that, perhaps, we can only appreciate once we have experienced a little more of life and loss.

I suppose, to me, the pretty and low-key melody seems almost like a Christmas "love song" of sorts for family and friends (which somehow, even though it's not super cheerful or super holy, just kind of conveys the warmth and meaning of Christmas).

When Christmas is no longer about the innocence of Santa (anticipating his arrival or pretending to be him), the craziness of having 8 or 9 little cousins throwing wrapping paper all over the living room; or the craziness, elegance and/or stuffiness of company parties; the true meaning of it somehow just seems closer to the surface.

"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" is, in its own way, a little Christmas song. It doesn't have the power that religious or traditional Christmas music has, and it doesn't have the bright, Christmas-y, mood that the "Rudolph" and "Holly Jolly Christmas" kind of songs have. It is, though, a beautiful little song - and it is (at least for now) my favorite.