Bisexual.

You name the stereotypes and I have heard and lived them. "Can't choose" ":oversexed" "gutless" "running with the fashion".. my personal favourite "sperm recepticle".

Is bisexuality a choice?

Would I choose some of my own experiences?

Like being denied access to a gay club when I was with my ex boyfriend of 4 years, or that its easier to "pass".

Like being told the night after having sex with a woman that "she hated bisexuals"... (that was a funny one as I then informed her of my sexuality and told her I would leave as I hated her to compromise on her principles.. she backed down pretty quickly)

Having everything from the length of my nails to my hair to my love life scrutinised in an effort to determine what it was exactly that I was "gay or straight".

Like being called "one of those" by a lesbian who then turned her back on me.

I have had one serious heterosexual relationship spanning 4 years. I have had numerous other boyfriends spanning a number of months. at no time was I "settling" or faking it.

I have had one serious homosexual relationship (still current) spanning 7 years. I have had several other less serious love interests with women. at no time was I settling or faking it.

I am a true blue bisexual woman, and it has taken me years of counselling and acceptance to get to the point that i am at now which is where i am accepting of this. I will never forget my therapist sitting down with me and saying. Well, its official. I think you are bisexual. And that is ok.

Its interesting. There are downsides to being in a straight relationship. Your otherness is not recognised, you arent as accepted in the gay community. You are seen as choosing to "pass". You are seen as a "fly by night" who doesnt give a goddamm about gay rights or principles and is only after sex. Mind you, you have all the priveliges of being one of the status quo.  

There are downsides to being in a gay relationship. My partner and I are going through IUI and the irony isnt lost on me that I am now investing thousands of dollars in having a baby. the ongoing financial and legal discrimination. The countless, endless stereotypes. The endless thoughts (particularly living in a rural area) of safety.

In both situations I am pigeonholed however as being either straight or gay.

Do I have a strong view on Monogamy? I am monogomous in my relationship and while I believe that some people can manage to have healthy non monogomous relationships, I believe these are hard to do and manage and that it takes a lot of qualities that i dont possess  at this time of my life(like being willing to share the love of your partner with others).

I dont agree that monogamy is the answer to everything and I dont agree that bisexuality is synonymous with cheating or sleeping around.

For me at least, it boils down to I love who I love when I love them. Do I choose my relationships? Of course I do, like every body else does when they decide to date someone. Is gender a factor in my choice? No its not.

 Is bisexuality just about sex? No its not. Its part of it but its not everything. Its like saying being straight is just about sex. Not about companionship, identity, interests, self.

I am a working social worker and therapist myself. I work with many people who struggle with the same issues and I want to say to them that it is ok. its about being a person with integrity, regardless of your sexual preference.

Be a good person who gives to others, the community. and remember that pigeonholes are fine as long as you remember that a pigeonhole is something that can be flown out of any time you choose.