I blame all of my confusion and anger and trying to be somebody else on my childhood. My mother met my father in the military. As soon as my mother got pregnant by him with me, he freaked out and fled and left us. But my mother just kept on with her military term, had me and didnt worry about it. She had fun taking care of me on her own spoiling me when i was a baby, taking me everywhere and showing me the world. She had a couple boyfriends that helped take care of me. When i was 2 she got out of the army and got back with an old high school boyfriend. he beat her when they first went out so that was a mistake. she moved in with him and he helped her take care of me. Then we moved to florida in a trailor and he still beat her and controlled her. I watched it since i was 2 years old. It happened almost every day. One night i couldnt sleep because my imagination was seeping thoughts and fear and anger
at the same time and an ANGEL came to my room. It was bright and white but i looked at it in awe (it seriously felt like time just stopped at that moment). And it told me something about life that i was too young to understand. but i remember him saying that things would get better as my life went on. But all growing up my mom took the beatings and the verbal controlling and stayed with him. I was a smart kid always doing word and math workbooks for kids. doing anything i could to expand my mind and learned how to read at age 4. I got a bike with training wheels for Christmas but i wanted the training wheels off. My mom's boyfriend wasnt willing to help or take them off for me and teach me how to ride 2 wheels, but i wanted to ride two wheels like the other kids in the trailor park. So at age 4, i went and got a wrench and took off my training wheels in my room, took my bike outside and taught myself how to ride that bike (with a neighbor friend's help). I fell multiple times and scraped my knees but i was determined so i would just get back on that bike and keep on trying and finally i got the hang of it. But even after that i had to be in the middle of my mom and her boyfriends conflicts. My mom use to take me to the beach on the Gulf to get away from this controlling guy. Finally my mom got pregnant and eventually gave birth to my brother. And she kinda woke up and we left the guy.

My confusion for life started at the age of 13. I got sucked into Gangster Rap like a vacuum cleaner and I wanted to be everything that they were talking about in the music. I started lying to people about fights, drugs, and living in cities just so people would think I was a Gangster or a player or some other thing I was not. I didnt think I needed school because I was starting to sell drugs so i dropped out at 16. My mom found out what I was doing and didn't want me to fuck my life up. She was concerned so she said I can either get out of her house on the
street, or join the military. So i got my GED and joined the military when i turned 17. All that betrayal and rebellion came back to haunt me at the age of 18. When I was in the military, I had a business/marketing dude come up to me, knowing I was a fake, and invited me to his house. He then started trying to wake me up to reality to get me to believe everything he was saying and everything he wanted me to do and all that. It was all too much stress for me and so  I went AWOL from the military after having a couple seizures while i was on a 3 week training trip to Nevada. I went home and then started finding who i really was and learning what life was really about and finding out being me really isn't that bad because its good to be unique. So i have plans and ambitions of what i want to do in life now. I figured out i was put on this earth for my own reason and i am a very intelligent person that is capable of anything i want to do. So i made up my mind to go back to the military and do what i have to do to get out, and promised to myself and God that i would never tell a lie again.