An Open Letter. To A Wannabe Fan.
61Weighing. Things Up. Or Down.
The person that becomes my 200th fan is going to get a thick ear. It will involve pain. Lots of pain. And harsh words.
I’m all walled out. No more room at the Hotel Frogdropping. Even my toilet (read ‘throne') is plastered with fans – from pedestal to toilet roll holder. I've even stuck on or two on the side of the magazine rack. Now that's a little ... sad.
So this is an open letter to the hubber that dares tip my scales. And he who dares does not always win. Sometimes horrible incidents and accidents prevent success ... Frog fact # 22
Advice
Dear Fan To Be
I’m sure you’re a very nice Hubber. For all I know you may have the wonderful demeanour of Teresa. You may be better looking than RooBee. You may even … with some sticky-back plastic, a discarded milk carton and sooper glue … become more angelic than Cris A.
And you might … just might … be a better right hand frogdroplet than Janetta. But I seriously doubt it. Because you can’t achieve 75% perfection. Like the aforementioned.
At best you may top 61 or 62% Not bad. But not too great either. Half a world away from being intelligent enough. Pretty, devine or even Janetta.
Carrots
My Advice Is This ...
... Don’t join my fan club. For one it’s a dark and dingy one. I keep forgetting to buy new lightbulbs. It smells. Due to the fact that my Dragon thinks farting is funny. And let’s not forget that I really do nail my fans to the wall. And tease one or two of them mercilessly. With sticks and carrots.
My favourite one to torment is in fact lxxy. He’s a good sport and can put up with a lot - because he’s similar to a disembodied entity. Not to mention It’s actually his host G|M that puts up with my ragging.
Plants. I Kill Them
But I Digress.
Please – don’t upset the frogbrium. I don’t need more fans. There’s such a thing as too many. When you get past say … 150 you start losing track of who keeps whispering. Hiding the TV remote. And pilfering the marmalade.
Besides – there’s so many wonderful hubbers who will adore you and take far better care of you than I would. If only you could see what my Ficus Benjamin looks like. It looks less like a flourishing plant and more like an embarrassed twig.
You’d shy away. And run to the hubs of another. And be welcomed into their fold. Or niche. Or inbox.
Random Comic Relief. And Religious Too.
And Most Importantly ...
... Dear Fan-to-be … I don’t do reciprocal. Not now. I did – but I guess that’s how I crapped on my own doorstep. I’m A) too lazy. B) Too busy. And C) Too slimy. I’m a frog.
Be well Fan-to-be. Be happy. But most of all … bugger off.
Because the Wrath of Frog is harsh. There will be Fire. And Brimstone. Not to mention the Four Donkey Riders Of The Acropolis.
With the deepest of concern. For your wellbeing.
F.R.Dropping
PS - This is a shout out to Naz. Because the melon wearing cat is one of my less troublesome fans and appeases my hollering for excel spreadsheets. Oh and Frog Fact #31 - Naz has a thing about Raccoons.
Well done Naz The Melonhead :)
Fan. To Be ... Or Not To Be ...
Still Want To Try For #200?
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I got in a while back, so if you hit the 200 and need to loose someone, pick me, I shall decline your fanny list, however I might just sneak back in, you never know.. I'm like that.
God, Quit, never..where else can I have such a laugh haha. Might quit, refan,quit refan just to annoy you lol
I enjoyed this hub like usual. Although, I am not sure if I should call you FD or Dark side?
Oh well, what could be worse than be nailed to the magazine rack? :-)
Naz - sorry. I must put a psotscript in just for you. You are one of my more hardworking fans after all. Credit where it's due ... Give me ten minutes and you'll be inserted.
Candie - You are one of the Devine Fan Collection and you'll stay right where I nalied you. Above my picture of me - you looking down. Enjoying the view :)
Hawkes - I actually laughed out loud. Like - a real lol! You tickled me quite a bit with that line :)
Whikat - be careful whatt you say. You know how rumours start. Darkside and FD are one and the same ...
I was here early on and I'm staying put.....Now put down that damn carrot!!!!
Having already infiltrated the hallowed halls of the frog-palace, I fully support you in your efforts to shun those would-be worshippers.
Keep ooot, I say! But, then, I do get a bit uppity when I'm riding in a bandwagon.
Those who are already IN, I say we whip up a batch of those special brownies. That oughtta liven up the lily pad n put the frog in a better mood. Plus, lxxy is really hilarious when he eats those.
R.Blue - sorry. Was that a bit too much? *wanders off to thwack another fan*
And Naz? Duly mentioned. Possibly slightly slanderous but hey ... I'm spreading good hub feeling here :)
RooBee - hey :) You tell 'em girl! Sic. And stuff like that. There's only so much room at the inn right? And you're in the lounge. Looking like a princess :)
And yes - Brownies are good.
Now stop talking to me Nailed Fans. I'm trying to get out the building. You're very distracting ...
I just have a hard time getting those orange stains off my backside.
R.Blue - I can always do some head carrot-thwacking. I like to keep my Nailed Fans happy.
can I be fan of your twice
Youse froggy, come back here now ... don't look down when I talk to you .... hmmm... now that's better!
Take a Hug! :D .... what did you think I was gonna do to you other than that :p .. :D
Lgali - oh go on then. If you must. But no double helping or marmalade. Though I reserve the right to doubley carrot thwack you ;)
Naz - see. I'm a good Fan Collector. A frog on my word and all that ...
Froggy, I do declare come the morrow you shalt have 200 fanlets.
FD
Is this what they call reverse psychology? But whatever it is, my dear puffing coffeeholic, it's too late. everybody knows your hubpage is a fun-crazy-wicked-twisted-perverse-in place to be. So, just buy more marmalade and quit whining. And oh plus a ream of Marl Lights please. Not Ultra Lights, they taste like cheap paper! :D
I'm coming over RooBee with my bestest stirring spoon! I say FD can even like the bowl! Blue is cute, but hopeless!
Cindy - I should have screeched your name out too. You are strategically placed above the stereo. I think you move well and have a great bounce going on :)
Cris - You wouldn't believe how cheap marlboro are here. I smoke millions. And yea - I agree ... no shabby cardboard cutouts yuk!
And I'm not whining. Just so you know ... having a little moment. Even frogs have them now and then ;)
And BTW - you are twixt the coffee machine and the ashpan ...
Candi - hey again! I like licking cream from bowls. *musing whether she was fromerly another eff. a feline one*
I just became someones' 200th fan.
The irony and timing are just delicious.
Not to mention apt ....
I think I am going to re-read Misery by Stephen King and add it to the list of recommended reading for all fan wannabes!
ps. Froggy..nice dried arrangement you have there..ahhem
sharrie - u just reminded me of a joke:
What happened when the 80-year-old man ran naked through the floral expo?
He won the prize for "Best Dried Arrangement"
Hahahaha.....*wipes tear* hahaha...anyone??
Well, frog never claimed that she keeps me around for my witticism.
Thanks for the drop, froggy. ;)
They're started to get it! =D
sharrie - I don't use blocks and break ankles. Nor do I fans to beds and wheelchairs. Howevere ....
RooBee - funny. And yet gross at the same time ...
lxxy - you are more than welcome :)
Late to the show once again...I am never on time! Good things Froglets aren't required to keep time, or tell time even. Ahh...what a frightening letter to that unsuspecting hubber who unknowingly becomes number 200-- Benjamin will look like the Garden of Eden compared to what poor two-double - oh will endure. I am thinking about creating another persona just so it can be me--I may regret this later but I'm curious about upsetting the frogbrium....
although I'm sure that saying 'curiousity killed the cat' came from some where....
Janetta - that saying came from me. Last time I watched my neighbours cat playing sneaky sneaky across the road. It got killed. Point proved.
And no lol don't upset my frogrium. I like calm and stability.
It's why I avoid seesaws. A really stupid invention.
Phew good job I got in when I did. I would miss your entertaining hubs as I would never find them. I am easily lost.
Did I ever tell you I love froglegs fried? Well, if ya don't throw them carrots out I'm harvesting yer legs woman. Quit that whackin and belly achin and love all fans, even frog leg eaters like me.
Ethel - hey :) Glad you found the way to Frog. I hope I'm enlightening ...
ralwus - ahhhhh who's belly aching. And there' nothing wrong with carrot thwacking. It's great fun.
Keeps me amused for hours and hours and hours and ...
Your a funny froggy.
You can't get rid of me that easily! Mwahahaha! Love ya too much!
Ivorwen - is that like funny ha ha or funny in the head? I'm thinking (hoping) it's the first one. With a smattering of the second ...
may - why hey ;) I kinda like the fact that you want to hang around on my walls a bit longer. And yes - the Love of Frog is always a good thing ...
Oh, definitely the Hahahahahaaahah (gasp for breath) hahahahaha kind. You know, fans in the bathroom are called 'fart fans,' by electricians. :)
Ivorwen - jolly good :) And really? I don't know if I'm disgusted or want to laugh ...
*disgusted - or amused. unsure*
If you find another froggy friend the same size as you, you can have stability on a seesaw ;)
And thanks for the sweet mention, my friend...I have to say anyone who tries to take over my right hand frogdroplet status might get a dessert fork to the bum though :)
now you really shouldn't upset unstable people. Drop me as your fan and i will paint ball you to your own wall.
dori
What?! I didn't even get mentioned?! WTH - even the plant got mentioned!
I am hurt - frog is definitely on the menu tonight. Ummm - frog legs ...
Truth be told, it is not a nice place here on froggies fan list. The abuse is intolerable.
Ouch. Now we know.
Janetta seems to have a dark side *fork in the bum* that she reserves for your hub! You know the saying.. "Keep your enemys close and your friends closer!" or was it the other way around? I'll watch her if you have to step away for a while! PM, we have developed thick skin.. FD, I'm working on an "abuse-be-gone" spray for use in the forums, just aim and spray! Its fragrance is TBD.
Janetta - you're more than welcome. You're a lovely person and a supermommy too :)
Your status is set in stone. Or at least it's set ...
fortune - coooo that's quite a threat there. I may have to move you to the airing cupboard to calm down. Maybe some time in the dark will cool you down.
And whilst you're calming I shall go a-hunting for the paintball gun ;)
Shiba - now settle petal. You never know what's up my lilypad. Or around the corner. Maybe I have bigger and better things for you. Or maybe I just have something ;)
Paper - now who's abusing who? That's a terrible thing. Is someone becoming opinionated? Tuts ...
Feline - I guess you do ... but it's all good. Clean fun ;)
Candie - lol that's funny. 'Abuse-be-gone'. I'm sta here wondering what the fragrance will be ... something sweet smelling or foul and oderous?
Candie, isn't it keep your enemas close?
Cindy - watch out for Candie. She's after you're young man. The one waving palm fronds and what have you.
@ Roobee How dare you mention that story about Me! Fd I suspect you are Pest in disguise! I am therefore a double fan. Stop the world I wanna get off. (well you can take that anyway you please).
PS Clever hub page Hits and fans!!!!
sixty - Pest. The raccoon guy? Nope. I wouldn't fit his boots. And he wouldn't like being green ;)
And thankyou!
I already am a fan, pity I likes a bit of pain, am a kinky Cabin Girl ; )
don't raccoons eat frogs?!?! well maybe they just eat garbage and cat food...but still I wouldn't want to chance it!
CG--we must all be a little kinky. If we didn't like the pain, we wouldn't be her fans ;)
CG - I know you are. Nailed in the lounge you are. Next to me collection of Toby Jugs. Adds class to their ugly Mugs ;)
Janetta - I know nothing about raccoons eating frogs. And have no intention of finding out either. That's a disgusting practice. I should imagine many raccoons have belly aches.
I'm here to go frog gigging. Hold still now.
ralwus - I hope frog gigging does not involve the removal of frogs legs. Or anything ... weird.
Just teasing dear froggy. I can't eat something that I get attached to, I fear I have grown accustomed to you now, somehow so I will just put up with your whacking ways with the carrots. Want a fly?
ralwus - good to hear! And errr ... I don't actually like flying. Whether it's with the Dragon or within a flying tin can.
Flying is for the fearless of flying flyers methinks ;)
Crazy frog. I was offering you a treat, but I think you were just avoiding the issue. It's a good froggy day here as it's rainy. good for ducks too. I must go now, so you enjoy your fan wall and all and with your dragon have a ball. googoocatchoo to you too ;-)
What the? I joined at number 199...just under the wire, but then I go to look and the count still reads 198. So what if there is someone ahead of me who did the same, and THEY are actually 199, and I am....(gulp) 200! Well, if this turns out to be the case, remember this. I eat like a Frenchman. I think you know what that means. I don't want no froggy business out of you!
I decided to take my chances and join. Now, I have to go and do some deep breathing and try to shake the fear. :)
ralwus - lolol ... googoocatchoo! I can think of nicer frog treats than flying ... but thankyou for the offer :)
Rain? None here. It's hotter than hell! Though I'm not complaining.
Christoph ... lol danger danger! Almost tipping the frogbrium ... but no frog business for being at 199!
Herald - well hey. And hmmmmm. What to do with you ... I shall get back to you. Be sure of that ;)
well it says now you've 201 fans so if herald and Christoph were the last two to join--looks like Christoph did exactly what he feared and was 200!!! Oh no Christoph, I hope you are prepared for the wrath of frog!!
PS take it easy on him frog-twas an honest mistake ;)
Janetta - I do? I didn't see that. In fact some are just plain sneaky. I'm gonna have to tighten the locks and chains.
Tsk tsk ...
You're 100 again?! Quit doing that and making us all look bad!
*throws magical zombie fork*
Zombie Fork?
You mean like...Windows 98 and Windows ME? Ah, wait, sorry..that's a nerd joke.
Shiba - I've been 100 99 100 99 100 99 for a good few hours now. I'm waiting to drop don to 1 - I think that would be really great ...
lxxy - err no lol. And to be honest dessert forks don't do nearly enough damage ...
LOL Ixxy - I'm a nerd so I always love nerd jokes ;)
*throws Y2K hubber score bug AND a magical zombie fork*
Shiba - now where did all this Zombie fork talk come from? You guys ... leave you alone five yards and lookit you.
It's not all about play you know. Some of have to do other things. Like drinking and passing time pleasantly ...
I'm out of vodka so my only options are watching boring t.v. or being annoying to frogs. Frogs are always more appealing - both as a target and as an aperitif.
If *I* can't pass time pleasantly then NO FROG SHALL!
Shiba - are you purposely avoiding the one place you need to be going the night? I'm laughing here - you're so cute. Go and find me on msn Shiba. Then you can annoy me even more ;)
And trust me - I'm having an unpleasant time here with silly letters like MySQL and CSS ...
I was a fan prior to this hub, so just don't send that dragon to live with me! I'm not allowed any more pets! Oh! BTW, don't let him know I said that or I just know he will come here to spite me!
Don't worry froggy, we must like the abuse if we keep coming back.
k@ri - hey! I've noticed you're doing great! And no - I'd never inflict Kevin on any one unsuspecting. Though if they're suspecting I may well be tempted.
And not - I shan't be telling on you. Im not tell tale. Usualy ...
Paper - I'm not THAT abusive. Just a bit of gentle thwacking here and there. Besides - he/she who gets thwacked the most must be doing something right!
Haha oops. Hmm. I guess I missed this one when I .. er.. became your fan ... *looks at hubtivity* yep, exactly 2 days ago! So wait, maybe you wrote this after? Do I get excused from the Froggy wrath? :D
Sunny . hey :)
Welcome then. And I do hope you read the disclaimer that's on my profile. I'm a dire hubber, completely lazy.
And other unmentionable things ;)
xD I'm already a fan...so this only applies to your 'new' fans -teehee-
(Breathing heavy)......ya got me now.....I will stick to you like colon plaque
I'm already in the count, as well. I'll just sit quietly under the lilypad trying not to make noise or call attention to myself. I'll even make your breakfast. How do you like your flies -- wing side up or mangled?
AIDY - yes you're right. New ones. They're not getting any nails. No room. I said so. They're stacking up in the broom cupboard :)
funne - lol in the broomcupboard? Is it you making all the racket? You look like you coiud be a little ... rowdy :)
MM - hey ... mangled I guess. Can you smash a banana into the mess? Hide the flys? Make them more ... manageable. Thanks ;)
I love Eddie Izzard. I do follow him on twitter. Couldn't help myself. Wonderful addition to this hub, that video is. Oh, and buy some more marmalade, Paddington (marmalade always reminds me of Paddington), and quit whining.
Frieda - Eddies rocks. I've liked him for years. Completly nuts and a natural comic. All satire, angst and parody. Mine kind of comedian.
And no lol I'm happier splashing out on vodka ...
Chris A angelic, well yes in his own way I suppose he is ....... loved by everyone, maybe he could boost your fans up to 300....... nice hub Brenda
Brenda - he's an angel to some :) A chain-smoking coffee slugging one I grant you!
And no thanks - boosting not required ...
Nice to see you :)
nazishnasim says:
5 months ago
Yeah frogy I know you prolly hav guessed by now that since i am the only person whoz commenting so u know to which of yer slimey whiny linez i have bestowed the honor to be most honored! :p.
Hey, and I don't see u mentioning me in your hub ... nd here i thought that you adored me! *sigh sigh* . So how about me leaving yer fan club, will u write a hub-letter to me then? B/w were the excel sheets the tip-off froggy? :O