The world in which we live in is a confusing one.

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that I was less smart back when people actually believed that I knew things. I absorbed trivia from books, and thought of myself as a semi-intellectual. Digesting General Fiction as I did, I felt like I understood the years that preceded me. The older I grow, the more that I know -- I was sheltered and influenced by my peers. The older I get, the more I find that I am wrong about everything; that's the thing about growing up: the uncertainty, the doubt, the turmoil. It's not all bad; sometimes I learn a little something as a result.

I grew up being told to hate and fear whoever was in power.. especially anyone not Liberal. Now, at 20, I see the Libs as being a secondary branch of the Conservatives. Both like to dismantle social safety nets, such as Welfare, and Medicare. Both are more or less Right Wing. The Liberals, as far as I can tell, haven't been the mid-way party since around the Mulroney era. My girlfriend's family's theory is that the Cons infiltrated the higher Lib ranks after Mulroney tanked. It makes sense, I suppose. Linda McQuaig seems to be on the slightly odd side, but her book, The Wealthy Banker's Wife painted an interesting, and abysmal picture of things in 1993. (Though, she too is guilty, alongside Michael Moore of pedestalling Europe.) It's books like that that make the dread in me grow; when things seem that bad back then, it makes you wonder, with apprehension, the true depth of the gaps in modern times. McQuaig's book, I do believe dealt with the Liberals. The NDP have had, as far as propaganda allows, a terrible history of messing up, when in power. The girlfriend pointed out that all of the parties mess up, but, the NDP leaders are the ones most viciously attacked for their errors.

Bill Maher tells us (in The Decider, or possibly I'm Swiss) that we need to stop not voting for someone based on not liking the candidate. He says something to the effect of, "You're not going to sleep with the guy -- you're just voting for him." (I can't seem to find the exact quote, but when I do, I will edit this.) I neglected to vote during the last Federal election (October 14, 2008), and the Provincial one (BC, May 2009). With the Federal one, I just was at a loss as to who to vote for: Harper -- the guy who looked like a Spongebob Squarepants rodent, and seemed vaguely sinister; Dion -- the guy who seemed like a total doof (and I later felt sorry for him, after hearing that he'd only been learning English for a few months previous); Layton -- a guy who, as far as I knew was in it to focus on small business.. and seemed like a teddy-bear bomb (I say this as a result of negative propaganda, and how I began to view him as a useless dolt because of it); or, Elizabeth May, the anti-abortionist Green Party leader. Little did I know, you could spoil your ballot. We need to get that advertised, that if you don't like the leaders, but still want to vote.. you can still participate by writing down an alternative candidate(as some people did, collectively voting for Godzilla, in one place), or doing as Richard Wright did, writing something such as, "I protest this fallacy" on your ballot. In the second one, I was out of town. As far as I know, you have to live in the community you vote in.

The more I come to know about the financial situation of Canada, and, similarly, the States and beyond, I worry. I have a deep-seated worry that leeches through my general conversation. I am always curious about willful ignorance, or others' political attentions. I think I need cable, or something, so I can keep up with politics via Rick Mercer's show -- the news (Global) doesn't pay much attention to it.

I keep wondering, "Can I change anything?"

The average person, as far as I can poll, assumes that their vote counts for nil, and their letters to their local representatives will go unread. I live in a city (Kamloops) where my representative (Cathy Mcleod) actually sends me letters, asking me, the consituent, what I think of her performance. Do all politicians do this? I've never had this before. She sends me little fliers telling me of her Good Deeds, then leaves me a multiple-choice bit on "Are we, the Conservatives, on the right track?", and a little spot for comments.

I've written up a couple of responses, but never mailed them. I think it's good I didn't -- this last one reports that she, and her party are working on the things I'd intended to gripe about. The question remains about her/their effectiveness, but, the certainty of the equation is that they've covered most of my hot-button topics. I will probably look in to these Good Deed reports, and relay my findings here.

If this is a marker of anything, it is that someone, even if it is a local MP, is giving the impression of listening, and wanting to continue down that road.

I wonder if this could give a cynic like me hope...