Seems like everyone's asking for a bailout these days. Well, I gotta be honest, things aren't looking so great for me financially. Basically, I'm broke.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I could really use a bailout, if you don't mind. I mean, I'll pay you back. When the economy gets better. In, like, ten years.

Just think how detrimental it could be if I go under. It would shake everything off balance, and who knows, it could bring all of Chicago down.

So here's my plan: give me a bunch of money. A whole shit load. That way, we can all rest assured that I won't blow it again in a few more years and ask for more money. 

It's only fair.