Balding

My hair back, my hair back; my kingdom for my hair back.

Yes, just as the toon of myself portrays, I have a receding hair line. I had hoped that Sam would have given me more hair when he drew it, after all it was supposed to be a caricature. But it’s damn near precise in more ways than one. (by the way, for my vanities sake; I still have hair on top of my head, and pretty much, just that I had to crop the picture that way. Really, and, I might add, since the drawing was done twenty years ago I still have pretty much up there, really, which is good, my father had less than me at my age, and his father less than he, does that mean the cycle is reversing now? Anybody else noticing this with their hair-loss-saga?)

.... I figure you guys need us to look upon, and should be on your knees thankful for us. For without us you wouldn’t know just how thick and nice your hair is. You know; one wouldn’t appreciate the forest if it wasn’t for the desert, the darkness for the light, the young for the old - Or did I just get too ‘headie’ for you? They say bald people are smarter. Most if not all the presidents were bald. Oh, I think my proverbial foot just went in my mouth. Never mind. Maybe the job did that to them, duh.

Till recently, say five years ago, I thought that male pattern baldness was just that; for males only. So you can imagine how surprised I was when I saw my first balding woman. Truth be told it put a smile on my face. I couldn’t stop marveling at the top of her head, with a sigh of redemption. She was a comb over, and pretty well gone, further than I. This brimmed my grin even more; ‘no amount of teasing, dyeing or whatever else she’s gotten at the beauty parlor was going to save her head now. Unless of course there’s a barber out there that does miracles on the side, Join the club, I thought.

I was caught, “What the hell are you lookin at needle dick,” was her eloquent responce, and in a public place, no less!

I could see, and understand, she was still upset at her dome and fighting at the fact, and fighting whoever blatantly notices it, as I was guilty of. But I’ve grown to live with my dome and didn’t want to hang around and regress with her. Been there done that, and there’s loads of tee-shirts I could choose from to advertise my burden. There are even bumper stickers I’ve seen;’Bald men make better lovers,’ for one. ‘My other head is bald too,’ for another. And most men, after growing-up, have evolved enough to laugh at themselves and joke about their hairless matter. Some make due, shave their heads and then grow their beards even longer. Which brought me to further insight as I walked to the car that day, as my smile left my face.

 .... or any ad for that matter, depicting the bald woman in a funny favorable light. ‘Bald women make better lovers?’ Talk about a gender gap. Not only wouldn’t there be a market in it, and a poor business venture, it would be dangerous. Just imagine a lynch mob of these women, I thought, looking back over my shoulder, increasing my steps to the car. And who could blame them, their world must feel as if it is coming apart at the seams, or rather the roots; the emphases they put on beauty.

I felt safer now. There was no mob of mad balding women surrounding my car. My redemption has faded with my smile, and I was left, leaving the parking lot, with pity for the woman and those like her. I certainly know what she’s going through, and I can only imagine, thankfully, how being a woman in this situation would magnify her embarrassment and make it so paramount. Everything is built around their hair and looks. They are born and raised to spend hours a day in front of the mirror styling their beauty to catch a man, or to catch job. They are born to be a slave to fashion.

What a crusher it must be. Ten times the affect baldness has on a man. It’s a wonder they can’t stop crying, or worse; beaten on a man staring at their ‘secret’ in the cashier line, or beat on all men just for the hell of it, whether their bald like them or not. Or worse; suicide. -I hope not. Hope it doesn’t come to that. Hope you gals out there learn to roll with the punch of balding just like us guys have, or most of us, I should say.

Since that day I’ve seen many many more women, of all ages, in different stages of hair loss. Like their coming out of the wood-work. All these arn’t all hereditary, I wondered. Surly it must be something else. I can only think of two things that could be causing it; something has polluted their food, namely pesticides and herbicides, or hormones in the meat, or it’s from the many visits to the salon to achieve their ‘look.’ I’ve gotten my hair cut at these places and I see what the beautician puts the hair through, in the name of attractiveness.

But hey, fellow comrades in baldness, for what ever reason and whatever your sex, next time you’re at the barber/beautician ask for a discount. It’s only fare right. They are cutting less, we should pay less.

“It is sublime to suffer, and become stronger" -Longfellow

Remindes me of this hub: