You know the type. In your face, abusive, self centered. They come in every shape and size and can be encountered in various aspects of our lives. They can be man, woman or child. No matter the age, they pick on anyone and everyone they sense is weak. And once they feel they have found a ripe target, they rarely let up.

     Bullies are everywhere. In schoolyards, in backyards, in offices and on the Internet. They will treat others like dirt because they think they have the right to.

     How do you characterize a bully? Well, if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck....you know the rest. In other words, if they are mean to others for no other good reason than to get a reaction, they are a bully. If they put others down to feel superior, they are a bully. If they use physical force as a means to get what they want out of others, they are a bully.

     Bullying can vary in form by the age, location and personality of the one doing the bullying. A six year old child in a school playground will probably not be bullying other kids the same way as a forty year old business man might bully his co-workers.

     For children of all ages, bullying generally takes the form of physical abuse or name calling. A child scares another child by threatening them or testing them just to watch them squirm. Childhood bullies can be detrimental to a child's development. A child who is not properly equipped to handle a bully, can suffer emotional trauma that may last years.

     Adult bullying typically moves away from the blatant name calling and physical harm of juvenile bullying. An adult bully is more likely to attempt to steal your pride or self esteem than your lunch money. Adult bullies, like children, can be male or female and can be obvious or subtle in their attempts. An adult bully can make a person's life miserable.

     For children, it seems that bullying in some way shape or form is just a fact of life. It is the nature of children to push the boundaries, to see how much they can get away with and to see just how tough they really are. They push their parents, their teachers and their peers. Some children take this pushing above and beyond all the rest and cause problems for other kids. They can pick out one single kid or multiple kids and are unrelenting when they find one they like.

     When a child bully finds another child he/she feels is weak (usually physically) they will pick on that child until they get the response they are wanting. The response they want is just a response at all. They want to bug the kid, make him mad or scared or sad or hurt. As long as whatever they are doing gets a response, they will keep doing it.

     What makes a child a bully can depend on various factors. Perhaps the child has no discipline or boundaries at home, perhaps he/she has too many. Perhaps they come from a broken home, perhaps they have been abused or neglected. Perhaps it is none of the above and the child has just fallen into playing the bully role for other reasons. If we knew the answers to that question, more could be done to predict and eradicate bully behavior. However, we do not, and probably never will.

     In order for a child to handle bullying, that child must have the self confidence to know that what a bully says or does to them is of no real consequence. Easier said than done. Most children can not see far past the present. They do not look at how something so monumental to them today could become insignificant in the future. In order to protect our children from falling into a spin cycle of depression and low self esteem when confronted by bullies, we must first build them up. It is up to parents to make sure their children know the value of themselves. It is our responsibility to raise proud, happy, healthy children and it is our responsibility to teach our children the correct way to handle bullies and how to handle the feelings and emotions being bullied can cause. Positive reinforcement and encouragement are the best tools for instilling pride and self worth in your child. A bully will eventually lose interest in a child that does not give in to the bully's need for response.

     Adult bullies confront us all at some point. Whether they are successful or not comes down to the person they choose to target. Much the same as children, adult bullies target those they see as weaker than themselves. However, it is not physical weakness so much as weakness in general.

     An adult bully looks for those who have low self esteem, those who do not voice their opinions or let others walk all over them. An adult bully uses verbal means as their weapon of choice most often, whether by stating or implying something negative to the person directly, or by saying or implying those things to others around the person, casting the target in an unappealing light.

     Bullies in adulthood exploit another's weaknesses. The goal is usually to make themselves look better in the process. Whether they are trying to appear more intelligent, more knowledgeable, wealthier or better in general, an adult bully will use words to prove his/her point most often. Much like with children, it is hard to say what makes an adult a bully. It could be that the person was a bully in adolescence and grew up with a chip on their shoulder. It could also be that the bully was bullied in adolescence and grew up with a vendetta. Whatever the reason, bullies find a target and test them. If the target reacts favorably, the bully continues.

     Adult bullies usually go after those they assume will not stand up for themselves. They go after those who will be affected by the bullying. A person who stands their ground, speaks their mind and lets things roll off their back, is probably not going to be the target of an adult bully. Even if they are targeted, these are the people who retaliate and are generally sidestepped afterwards.

     Many have the opinion that bullies, child and adult alike, are bullies because they are actually the weak ones. They see an undesirable characteristic in themselves and decide to exploit similar characteristics in others. Projecting your own issues on to others is a coping mechanism. When one cannot deal with his or her own issues, they try to pick out something similar in others.

     Bullies are a fact of life, we will come across them in various stages of our lives and they will affect us differently at every stage. How we react is up to us. A bully, no matter the age, is looking for a response to their actions. They want to cause you grief, they want to disrupt your life in some way. How you respond to the bullying is what will cause it to end or continue. In order to end bullying, with ourselves or with our children, we must be proactive.

     There is no single, simple formula for predicting bullyish behavior or deflecting it. Every person is different and will be affected differently. We can only try to prepare ourselves and our children with the skills to cope with it.