6 Reason's Why He Will Never Leave His Wife
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Tisk-Tisk Stupid Girl
So finally Mr. Right came along and let me guess, he road in on his white horse, reached out for your hand to kiss it ever so gently but he forgot to take off his wedding ring first? Don't you just hate it when that happens? So why haven't you two rode off into the sunset yet? Well I think we all know why or atleast it would be easy to guess. Stupid girl, stupid girl when will you ever learn....... TODAY! That's right, I'm going to end all of your confusion and heartache right now.
#6 AM I CRAZY ?
Maybe, and if your not now, you will be before this wild-n-crazy roller coaster lets you off, but one thing's for sure-SHE ISN'T. That's right she is not, psycho, controlling, crazy, nuts or insane. This may sound strange but Mrs. Right is none of those things! A married man knows that by telling you his wife has MAJOR problems you'll be more inclined to think that he is completely in the right for cheating. Besides who wouldn't cheat on a nut? He is also smart enough to know that we as women, tend to be on the super sympathetic side and we want to help anyone we can. So before you tie on your cape and fly in to save the day remember, if he wanted to be saved he'd get a divorce.
#5 MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL
Yes you're the prettiest one of all-but who cares! You can be smaller, taller, skinnier, or prettier, the reality is he isn't even taking that into consideration when trying to decide if he should leave her (which by the way he isn't even considering in the first place). You may have seen pictures of her and sized her up, or even threw up after taking one look at her. It doesn't mean jack! Even if the thought of him touching THAT every night, makes you want to sleep with him out of pure pity, PLEASE DON'T! Remember, to a guy, it all looks good with his eye's closed and obviously Prince Charming has one hell of an imagination.
#4 CHA-CHING
Do you have a little jingle in your pocket, or a lot? It doesn't matter either way because when he met you he wasn't looking for financial stability, he finds that at home. She pays the bills and your a cheap thrill, and that's the sad, sad truth. So please be smart and don't think that you can buy his heart, its already paid for, and you are not the one holding the receipt! Ouch.
#3 FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE
You know the rest. If they have kids together you can absolutely forget it. He has three families now; his immediate family, her family and the family they made together. No guy is going to disappoint that many people for little 'ole you. So go ahead tear down the picket fence, they'll rebuild it again. So since you're nothing more than a passing fancy, PASS on him, because no matter how much of a homewrecker you are, you deserve a family of your own. Equipped with 2 kids, a dog, a beautiful house and don't forget your husbands mistress.
#2 TRAINING FOR THE OLYMPICS
When it comes to pleasing your man, well her man, do you often feel like your training for the olympic games? Have you been practicing your dismount on the edge of the bed and most importantly can you stick your landing? You may not be an Olympic goldmedalIst yet, but you sure do deserve the bronze for the way you work it in the bedroom, and he thinks so too. That's why he keeps on comin' back for more, he doesn't think however, that you deserve a platinum wedding ring for it. You may really know your way around his track-and-field, and may even be able to go the distance, but yet again you've lost the race.
# 1 TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLGAME
And stop him by the cleaners on your way home because that's exactly where he's going if he gets a divorce! That's right, its cheaper to keep-her and so, he will. This is simple mathematics: 2 Mr./Mrs Right, minus 1 Mr. Right equals = BROKE! So send him home packin', your not going to score a home run in this game, because no one's on your team.
Its a sad fact that when two people take a vow of marriage one may be more comitted than the other at some point. One spouse looks for flaws in the marriage and finds an easy way out....... you. So don't fall for his games, let him go home and play by himself.
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Comments
One thing first...shouldn't this be 6 reasons he will never leave his wife? Something tells me that this came strong and fierce straight from your head to the page and there is a ton of truth in this hub. One more thing I want to add is that when it comes to women and cheating, women cheat with a man that they could see themselves with if it wasn't for the sorry man they're with now. When a man cheats, he doesn't necessarily look for an upgrade, but he does look for the first woman he can get his hands on.
@ Kristina86
Aaaahhh "Fatal Attraction" wasn't that just love at its best. But let me ask you this.... what if she doesn't find out he's married "right away", then what? And who do you personally place the blame on, the Mistress or the Mister?....And I agree with you 100% "everyone deserves to be loved in a monogomous relationship!" AMEN to that..
I have so much respect for you Talented_Ink, you're so insightful truly. And thank you so much for the save.... I can tell your the guy who would tell a friend they have a booger in their nose, you get mad props for that. I just happened to have an extra number 4 booger hangin' outta mine!
I agree with you completely, women cheat because we are looking for a replacement and we pray that this infidelity will somehow bring us to happiness. And with the reverse again I think your right here too.... men aren't trying to replace they are trying as you say, "to upgrade".
No problem, just trying to help. I want to make sure you understand this though; guys aren't trying to upgrade because they're not really interested in better, but they want what's available now. This could be considered giving away a man secret, but it is also something that can help a woman out who's in this kind of situation. #2 will always be #2 and when #1 finds out, the man or even the woman will NOT side with #2.
wow..not so in my case...after 33 yrs.and an illness, which slowed me down for a while...during which time he would stop for coffee at the same place everyday...becomes friends with her...then better friends...then lovers...I found out..and he still continued..with both of us...hummm counseling failed...depression set in...it was me..and then her...her and then me...finally I packed his stuff and sent him to her....and he went (a big down-grade to) and now has been 2 years ago..Maybe the age difference between us..I am the "older woman"...and in her bankrupt state she never let go..I DID..Don't know exactly what my point is here??eccept that sometimes things just happen....
She knew he was hitched (not married tho) and she won..or lost..if he will do this once...who knows when he'll do it again..I am a better person though...now and have forgiven Him...never to forget tho and Thank God for the time we had together....I agree that 95% of the time He/She won't leave..and is the other half hurts.....Great Hub my dear..Thanks..G-Ma :o) hugs
Unfortunately, all too true. The main thing to remember is that if he did it to her, he'll do it to you, so even if he does leave her, do you really want him?
You speak of the confusion that women feel when they are in the arms of a man who seems to adore them, a man who is not their husband or significant other or partner or whatever, but a man who is married and lies about his intentions about his marriage.
Woe to us girls, when the temptation is strong to be with the knight in shining armor or the Casanova...he makes us feel special, and he lies about his marital status. If he is doing that, is he not lying about everything else?
His needs are his own. He doesn't give d-sh*t for us (although sometimes he deludes himself into thinking that he does). But that's us, nurturing, caring, gliding over the bad signals and reading into it what we want. You said it.
I identify with your thoughts.
It takes two to Tango. If she knows he's married and still plays with that fire, I can't say as I feel much sympathy if she gets burned. Odds are, two people in a situation like that are both feeling lonely or whatever else and they both fell victim to weakness. Humanity is generally a trainwreck when it comes to complex moral circumstance, particulary when emotions and hormones are so heavily involved. If that weren't the case there'd be no need for religion or art.
Shadesbreath, granted it takes two to tango.
She plays with that fire because he encourages her to do so, and he does this by appealing to her nurturing and protective essence. I don't think he looks at it this way, he's just doing what works for him to have an engagement outside of his marriage. But the woman believes his story, because he can be very convincing and he appeals to her needs to be wanted and loved. Really, he's a manipulator, even if he doesn't know it.
You have to be there from the woman's point of view to understand the dynamics. I don't believe women know the score when it's happening...it's something a woman learns after introspection, after being burned.
As for religion and art resulting from the trainwrecks of complex moral circumstances, religion and art are more expansive expressions of the core of what we humans are. Yes, we are capable of emotional and hormonal wrecks, but we are capable of much more.
PEN-n-PAD, you opened the can of worms.
Ohhhhhh,,,memories. I've met my share of married men, or men who were separated. After all that experience, I have had no relationship, my choice. Should it ever happen again that I meet someone, there will be questions. Not only will I expect an honest answer, I will ask him to prove it. Divorced? show me the papers. Separated? show me the papers. Getting a divorce? show me the papers. Have your own place? show me whose name is on the mortgage or lease. That your car? show me the loan papers in your name.
For whatever reason, I seem to attract attached men. I have had one or two express an interest to be with me, my answer, a resounding NO. If you really do want to be with me, get UN-attached, then prove it to me, then MAYBE I'll consider you. I had one fella say to me, when I asked was he married, he said, I'm separated, I'm here with you and my wife is home. NO THANKS!
Great hub,
Trish
there are both sides to this argument.. some will and some wont.. what makes the ones that do?.. sex?.. i feel so.. esp if it is lacking or non exsistent.. sex is a very powerful reason a man would leave his wife over.. and i can vouch for that.. i was involved with a married man who left his wife of 18 years to be with me.. we only lasted 4 years before we both woke up and smelt the coffee.. and discovered we came together for all the wrong reasons.. him for lack of sex.. and me for craving intimacy and being in a vulnerable period of my life.. great hub !!
@ Talented_Ink, I'm so man illiterate I'll take all the secrets I can get! And your right its not the person their sharings fault, its the person they cheated with. That's how it goes....kinda weird but its that way.
@ G-ma Johnson, "her bankrupt state", that's an interesting choice of words-I like it, it makes it poety in a sense. So who do you blame now, appreciating the fact that you forgave (because truly that's the only way to move on) I know that in your heart you still hold some sort of resentment or something, but for whom?
The friend turned lover, or the husband turned cheater. Who do you blame most, I mean obviously one of them should have showed discression, and held back something they knew shouldn't have been happening, right? Your an amazing women, Older-smolder, remember women age like fine wine, and you're a claret bordeaux full of richness and warmth!
Thanks G-Ma, the G must be for Gangsta!
@ Dafla. You know I hear that a lot, if he cheated on her - he'll do it to you, I wonder statistically how true that really is. I mean it makes perfect sense right, once a cheater always a cheater, and other cliche's, but is it really right? What if you picked the wrong person to begin with, and now you found your soulmate? Or is that even possible?
@ Sally's Trove, Your first para said it best, "but a man who is married and lies about his intentions about his marriage." Does a women get a pass for being woed, and betrayed into believe his lies? Does that women hold the same sense of responsibility as a women who had no idea the guy was married to begin with, but found out later on the relationship? Or do we call a spade-a-spade and burn all women, knowing or not at the cross?
Great point!
@ Shadesbreathe, are you shakespeare reborn or what? OMFG, "Humanity is generally a trainwreck when it comes to complex moral circumstance, ....." Isn't that the honest truth. Don't we only muddle things up when we try to do right, even if it is for the "greater good" or in this case for "his benefit"... to help a person in need (cry me a river) men are the ultimate munipulators that is why they run this country! Art and religion were long ago forgotten because there are too many other things to fight about.
@ Sally's Trove, damn hinesight, if only women could see into the future right? its so true it takes much soul searching to figure out the type of man we're talking about's game. Granted some Jerk-off's show it right away, with stupid things like tan lines on their ring finger, but most a very, very clever.
@Trish1048, why didnt' I meet you 10 years ago! I tell my girlfriends now when they meet a guy, if they are even slightly interested in him- hand him an application, a cup to pee in and let him know that when his background check, checks out, you might call him! I think that you and I both need to remove the "Hi I'm the F*%k on the side material" stickers from our heads. I seem to ONLY, that's right ONLY get hit on by married/dating men. A psychologist would say that there is something about me that attracts this type of man?....hmmmm
@ epifanny, sex, sex, sex, don't they say that men think about this stuff 100 + times a day! So yeah I think that your point coincides with Talented_Ink when he gives a little insight into the brain of a man, "or the hampster on the wheel" and says that, in summary MEN are opportunistic. It doesn't matter who you are, look at these supermodels and actresses that are cheated on. I always think well damn if a guy could cheat on her I don't have a chance in hell!
And I guess your in the 1% category for women who actually have had a guy leave, but as you said, "for all the wrong reasons"
Thank you so much, I read everyones comments and you all have no idea how much your helping me gorw as a writer. Thanks to every visitor!
Sally,
I totally agree that men play into women's nurturing side (assuming they are clever enough to do so, which many more than do, don't - much like manipulative women play to a man's ego and libido "side.") And while I accept your assessment on the plain upon which it lies, I would respectfully submit that your argument places women at the mercy of men as if they were helpless, mindless or weak.
Perhaps it has just been my fortune or my random experience, but the women I have met and the women I have read and admired were and are incredibly strong intellectually and resilient emotionally. While they were and are in no way more or less inclined to fall prey to one swindler or another, I believe that none of them could be fairly placed in the habitual victim slot that the argument you seem to make at least suggests to my mind.
Yes, a woman learns by being burned (if she chooses not to learn from reading or other sources that likely came her way), but so too does a man learn from being burned. I have known too many amazing women to buy the argument that the "fairer sex" is somehow helpless or more easily victimized. At which point I restate what I said before above regarding what objections might stem from there (human nature, hormones, weakness and trainwrecks etc.).
The things we do in order to find our lost half! Nice hub, and I have to agree through experience, can't argue with any of it!
LOL, Shadesbreath, I think you read entirely too much into what I said. But it was enlightening to hear your thoughts. PEN-n-PAD painted the accurate picture, so I'm happy to leave it at that.
I like your ideas about an application, background check, peeing in a cup LOL,,,,and you're right! Just what is it about us?? Like you, I sometimes think there is a neon sign either on my forehead, or my back, or somewhere! Eeek!!
I wonder just what that psychologist was thinking! Did you ever find out?
Trish
@ trish1048, psychologists' don't think they regurgitate! Haha... you and I are just hopeless I guess!
Great hub, very entertaining. I don't know though. I mean, as a society we just love to judge people, especially sexual and romantic behavior. I think often women get involved with married men because they don't want a husband they will have to pick up after and feed--they want good sex, their own space, time off from being a partner, and no serious committment. Not all women are hungry for marriage and committment, Especially older women tire of that--the romance goes out of picking up dirty shorts after the first year or so, so the idea of having only the perks doesn't souned all that bad.
The tendency to victimize the unknowing wife is overblown too IMO. Sure, sometimes wives don't know, but often they know perfectly well and are only too relieved to have Mr. Ego climbing on someone else's bones for a change so they can go shopping or watch the TV show they want to watch. In an older generation in Europe this was a fairly standard arrangement for a middle class couple--after she popped out a couple kids, a decent guy got off her and took it elsewhere so she didn't have that kid-per-year thing.
I'm not saying its always like this, I'm just saying I've seen two sides to it.
Plus, men do leave their wives and marry their mistresses. John McCain did it.
We always act like marriage is this holy institution that should never be monkeyed with, and yet statistically speaking 70% of humans can't take it. The other 30% are not that thrilled either. We're just a perverse animal pretending to be something more admirable.
Dont give SEX, make soft LOVE, share and be shared and there would be better communication.
SEX is a battle ground, a minefield of disastersw and failures.
LOVE is complete surrender on both parts, communication, and sharing of that sacred and blessed union.
Excellent Hub and oh so true. When I have had temptation put in my path in the past, i have always said:'I am happily mariied, have kids and am not going to leave home. If you want to play with me consider it an aerobic workout! No dinner no courtship.". That kept away the (she) wolves for 34 years until a male wolf came devoured my ex. He was single BTW.
He will leave if he wants too. Kids no kids the man will leave if he wants to. True love never fails......
he said.. she said.. he did.. she did.. its a tug of war that in the end leaves one feeling like they'd just been run over by a truck.. we're a smart lot arent we..
It is true that most men and even women do go out and cheat on their spouse because there's not more excitement in the bed room. Being in a relationship is not easy it takes a lot of work to keep the other person always interested and satisfied. In the begining of a relationship things are always good and the sex is always great but then after a while or after having children most men or women get so comfortable in their relationship that they don't keep that fire buring or try new things because they feel like the other person will never leave because they've been together for so long or because they have children together, when the truth is not of that matters. When a man or women is bored in their relationship they go out and try to find excitment somewere else.
JasmineH seems to have found the right solution to a happy marriage. it has worked for me. "Don't be boring."
Cool! I'll wear a red nose, flippers and a purple dress with neon yellow polkadots around the house!!
I don't know pgrundy.... sure I won't sniff his undyroo's when he's away but what woman can resist sniffing a man's worn shirt, still perfectly wrinkled and just the way he left it on the floor when he ripped it off to make mad passionate love to you the night before! Whooo I need a glass of water. Some bad behavior's by a man are so damn good!
@ Tari, I wonder if they even make clown suits in my size!
agree w/pgrundy to a certain extent. Few women into affairs are just girls who want to have fun especially older women, few wives relieved when the men aren't bugging them in bed anymore. Some wives I know know of their husbands affairs but look the other way.
Wives should give the husbands no choice- pack those bags!! I can't agree with wives who stay with their husbands even though they know they cheat and they'll do it again- it shows no self confidence and is not the way to teach your children about morals
no choice...but what about all of those great excuses. here's my favorite "i was drunk" - i can't imagine that one isn't the first line out of their mouth. For those that have heard that - guys (and girls) have determined long before they drank that their intentions are not exactly pure. whether you want to accept it or not.
Apologies. just a quick vent session for me - you can obviously see that I have been fed that line more than once.
You are so right about feeling - "if he can cheat on her... I don't stand a chance." I completely know that feeling and it has to be the most heartwrenching blow to the chest ever. what a great hub (sad) but amazing!
"Especially older women tire of that--the romance goes out of picking up dirty shorts after the first year or so, so the idea of having only the perks doesn't souned all that bad."
Simple - let him clear up after himself!
"Especially older women tire of that--the romance goes out of picking up dirty shorts after the first year or so, so the idea of having only the perks doesn't souned all that bad."
Simple - let him clear up after himself!
I LOVE having a living room clear of a man's shoes, socks, overshirts, crusty cereal bowls, computer parts, random papers. I LOVE getting exciting, attentive sex. I LOVE going out with whomever I please without feeling obligated to have him along. When he is strong and horny he sexs me up better than I've ever had it, and when he's sick or grumpy he's elsewhere. I've had a lousy husband, and being a mistress suits me just fine just now. What I do wish for is to be held all night long, to have coffee in the morning in bed together. But after coffee, I want to get on with my own day.
Does any of this apply to Bill and Hillary?
I had a friend who got dumped by three wives because he worked to support the marriage. He unfortunately worked in an adjoining state from their marital abode, seeing her only on weekends. Bored during the week, each of the wives found greener or closer pastures. One wife was so guilt laden they at the end pointed a gun at him. At the same time he was dressed for his marital duties, she told him of her infidelity to him. That was the more colorful of his marriage endings.
Skip forward to Bill and Hillary, they don't live together or even share the same geography. Now as Secretary of State they will be countries apart, most of the time. Doesn't Bill not leaving Hillary defy all of the information in this hub?
Not a criticism, only a question.
It is absolutely true!! A married man usually will never leave the mother of his children unless she leaves him first. Nowadays no matter how much he may hate his situation he won't leave out of the sheer fear of CHILD SUPPORT and SPOUSAL SUPPORT. Trust me!! My husband was in the middle of a Divorce when I met him and we had 4 years of a psycho stalking us and she even tried to kill me and our son at the hospital when he was born. And I didn't steal him away from her. She left him before I ever met him. She was plainly sick in the head.
But she screwed him over in the divorce and with Child Support. Oh yeah, CSS doesn't care if you have bills to pay, rent or even if you have other kids. They have pretty much CARTE BLANCHE authority even over the IRS to take your money. So my dear , if he has a brain he won't leave the wifey!!
Also, if you're cheating with someone's husband (or wife), please remember: you are a cheater too.
You can postulate on what you would do if you were ever in such a situation but unless and until you come face to face with it yourself, you just have to assess your own situation for what it's worth. Sometimes you pitch it all; sometimes you mend the fabric and make it the best ever.
Having a good-looking younger man/woman interested is an enormous affirmation. Seeking for more than an affirmation is indeed self-destructive in the worst way and usually not worth the consequences of destroyed trust.
Pen-n-Pad,
I really enjoyed this hub, and everyone one who commented had very important things to add, or points to make !! I was struck by your comment made when answering to other hubbers, you said "What if you picked the wrong person to begin with, and now you found your soulmate? or is that even possible?". I ponder this point myself. I believe this is possible, especially if you marry too young. I mean we are not truly complete at 20, or 23, or even 25 ! This is not true for everyone I know. But some of us don't have it all figured out early.
Pgrundy,
Thanks for stating what I was thinking in my mind. I have know lots of women who were very aware of the affairs, and chose to look the other way. The other woman may just want sex ! I know this is still looked on as immoral, but if the wife looks the other way because she doesn't want to be bothered, the man gets his cheap thrill, and the other woman has a great time (and doesn't have to wash his socks!) ,is this wrong? It rarely works out this neatly, and I know many are going to dispute this scenario, but I rather be honest. Even if many NEVER actually cheat, they have thought of it (both men and women), because we can't help but be attracted to certain people (wedding ring or not).
how about someone who got married out of just having a baby
how about someone who got married out of just having a baby
what if he has been absolutely truthful to you, you know he's married, two kids, the whole enchilada! But in the end will he leave her? Will he actually have balls to leave her? She knows he's cheated/cheating why does she still keep him?
Number six is HILARIOUS to me and true. Good stuff, man, good stuff. Dropping truth, what more can you ask for?
- ChrisCap
Just to let you know that,there are some of us with four wives. i love them all.
Kristina86 says:
12 months ago
Yea, get out while you can before it turns into a "fatal attraction!" I think everyone deserves to be loved in a monogomous relationship. A married man should be a deal breaker right away. Don't be a homewrecker! Sadly, many women don't agree.