Does Your Date Have Commitment Phobia?

You've been out on a number of sexy, memorable, romantic dates. The flirting is hot, the sex is multiple-orgasmic. You've fallen head over heels, but just as you're getting attached, they seem to pull away. "Is it me?", you ask. "Or is it them, or could it just be that they're afraid of commitment?"

While commitment phobia is found in both genders it is most often found in men. These men are terrified of commitment. They’re torn by conflicting thoughts about love, relationships, and commitment. On the one hand, they love you. On the other hand, how can they be totally SURE that you’re the one woman they want to be with forever and ever. Forever and ever is a really long time.

Let’s look at some of the warning signs:

His History

No matter how old he is, he’s never been married. On the other hand, some commitment phobic men were made so by a bad marriage. He may be gun-shy about getting into the same situation again.

Most of his relationships have been short-term. He’ll wax on about how he just hasn’t met the right girl and that he wants to wait until that happens. After all, there’s plenty of time.

His work life may mirror his personal life. Has he jumped from job to job without being able to find a “good” one? Does he quit jobs for no reason?

His Place

If you’re lucky enough to see the inside of his place (you probably won’t if he’s a classic commitment phobe!), you may notice a striking lack of furniture. The commitment phobe doesn’t even want to commit to a sofa. It would just be a hindrance when he has to pack up and move on a whim.

His Choice Of Partner

These men will generally pick a partner with some sort of tragic flaw. Too old, too young, too fat, too skinny, too smart, too dense. This gives him a perfect thing to bring up when he wants to get out. “You know,” he’ll say, “I thought I could handle dating a cougar, but you’re just too much for me.”

His Needs

He emphasizes his need for space and freedom. He loves women who are strong and independent because he figures they’ll cling to him less. A long distance relationship is the best for him because he can keep things “out of sight and out of mind.”

Do you want an open, no-strings-attached relationship? EVEN BETTER! Let’s see each other, but see other people too. That would be great.

His Demeanor

Commitment phobic men know how to turn on the charisma. They’re charming, romantic, and affectionate. They’re all about the short term, so they’ll throw everything into the mix right away.

His Exit Strategy

He’s generally not the type to flat out dump you. He’ll back out gradually, refusing to answer calls, not replying to emails, disappearing off the face of the planet. He wants YOU to reject HIM. Not only is this easier, it feeds into his fear of not finding the “right” girl – after all, you dumped him! How rude.

Don’t jump into bed. He’s going to romance you at full tilt. It’s important for you to let him know that you aren’t that kind of girl. He may leave you because of it, but it’s better to get him out of the picture if he was going to leave later with chunks of your heart in tow.

You need to set the pace of this relationship. Don’t let him move things faster than you’re ready to move. When he’s in Chase Mode, back off. Act like you couldn’t care one lick about him. When you want him, you’ll call.

Have realistic expectations. He’s probably not going to be The One for that fairy tale walk down the aisle. Actually, he’s probably not even going to meet your parents. If you’re okay with that, the commitment phobe can be a fun fling while you’re dating other men.

You may be able to change him by showing him that you don’t need him. It sounds counter-intuitive, but by being as non-needy as possibly, you’ve let the air out of the sails of his fear. If you’re patient, you may see him turn around and want to commit to you. Don’t hold your breath on that one. Take care of yourself and if he happens to fit into your life and want to stick around, great. If not, there are fish in the sea who will eat out of your hand. It’s time to dive back in.