With all of the negatism and chaos existing within co-dependent relationships, it seems that, more often than not, the relationship breaks up. To work towards a healthy or healthier relationship involves an unyielding commitment to do so from both parties. The best intentions of one is just not good enough.

A good first step to a healthier relationship would be self-actualization and understanding. This is where both parties in the relationship take an honest inventory within themselves to begin seeing what is being brought into the relationship individually and what unhealthy practices may be causing conflict. I believe that the healthiest relationships exist where both parties have a good sense of who they are and a self that is independent of the relationship. These understandings seem to be a good basis to begin evolving a co-dependent relationship to a healthier one but this learning comes with much work.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. They have to be set but even more importantly, respected. This reverts back to the best intentions of one are not enough. If one party is setting boundaries or limits in the relationship with a healthy outcome in mind, it can become irreversibly damaging if the other party flatly refuses to mind these limits. For each person to be healthy in a relationship, their self must be noted and respected according to their needs. Setting boundaries, again, is hard work and sometimes it can be more difficult to accept boundaries. The fact and truth of setting these boundaries allows for each party to have their specific needs met thus each party can be more healthy within the context of the relationship.

Relationship counselling would never be a bad idea to consider when dealing with co-dependency. A neutral professional could provide, at the very least, a mediator to this work but can also offer more sound advice and help to both parties. If the relationship is indeed worth salvaging, then it is worthwhile to consider professional help.

If addiction is present in the co-dependent relationship (and I will include eating disorders in this as well), then the addiction not only needs to be identified but treated effectively. By not treating the addiction and associated behaviours, it seems almost impossible to consider tackling the complexity of co-dependency because the addiction will only serve to reinforce co-dependency in a relationship.

So, to wrap up this complex relationship issue, I want to stress the importance of sound professional advice and the willingness required of both parties to move beyond co-dependency to a healthier, enduring relationship. There is hope to be had.