Unemployed and willing to take anything, Stephanie Schmidt becomes a bookkeeper for a quirky café and bakery – even though she hates numbers, can’t drink coffee and is allergic to flour. (See below introduction for a brief explanation of a gluten free diet)

It doesn’t take long before Charlynn, Queen Bee of the bakery, owner Ainsley Gould and the baristas drive the former legal secretary crazy. Can Stephanie keep her sanity in the Melrose Place of bakeries until she finds another job she believes is more worthy of her talents?

And will I be able to actually finish the book by the end of November? 50,000 words or bust. Stay tuned!

October 2008

“So, Stephanie, do you still work for that attorney? Or are you a stay at home mom now?” Carol Filmore asked, patting the blunt ends of her pageboy cut. With her double chins, it wasn’t the most flattering look, but at least she’d dyed it a more realistic chestnut color. Last time I’d seen her it had been burnt orange. “Or, I’m sorry, not that working at home isn’t work, if that’s what you do. I guess that I mean to say, do you work outside the home?"

Carol was a corporate head of something. Maybe she owned a dress shop. She’d told me once but I forgot and hated to ask her again and get that look – the one that wondered if my IQ was in the single digits. Luckily, since she was the wife of one of my husband’s co-workers, I only saw her once or twice a year at social gatherings. This one happened to be the annual October "Filmore Fall Festival" get together at her new home, in a ritzier neighborhood than the last and bought for a great deal due to its impending foreclosure. “I’m a manager at a bakery. Well, more of a bookkeeper actually,” I answered. Please don’t ask me which one, please don’t ask me which one.

“Really?” She glanced at the table full of fall themed cookies, eclairs, and other assorted baked goods I’d just told her, yet again, that I couldn’t eat. Of course, I could hardly blame her for not remembering my allergy to gluten if I couldn’t remember what she did for a living. “How ironic, that you can’t eat any of the products.”

Not as ironic as being a bookkeeper and hating numbers. I smiled and replied, “They do smell delicious though.”

Carol raised an eyebrow. “Still. It’s sort of like an alcoholic working at a winery.”

Well, not exactly. “Yes, exactly!” I replied.

“Which bakery is it?”

Crap. She asked which one. “Cooter’s Café.”

“I’m sorry, what?” she asked.

“It’s called Cooter’s Café.”

“What an odd name.” She paused.

Please don’t mention Dukes of Hazzard. Please don’t mention Dukes of Hazzard.

“Is the owner a Dukes of Hazzard Fan? Is it named after Cooter's Place?”

I sighed. It was hard explaining something that didn’t make sense to me. And the fact that so many people remembered a long gone TV show, one that wasn’t even on reruns anywhere as far as I knew, was a testament to something. Maybe how pop culture invaded the brain. “No, it’s named after a kind of turtle.” Not necessarily a realistic one, as our logo is a grinning, cartoon turtle wearing a long scarf and inexplicably riding a rocket- presumably to the moon.

“Well,” she said, reaching for an éclair and scanning the room for someone else to talk to, “I guess it’s good to have a job in these tough economic times.”

Screw you. “Yes, it is,” I agreed.

She smiled at me. “Have you thought about dying your hair a lighter color? That dishwater blonde look doesn’t really do anything for your skin tone.”

It’s the color I was born with, douche bag, not like the choices you’ve made with your hair. “I’ll keep that in mind.” And how did we get from job talk to hair color?

She looked past my shoulder. “Excuse me a moment. I should go say hi to Sam and Cadence. Talk to you again soon?”

“Of course,” I said, but she was already gone.

For the next section, click here.

A gluten free diet means that you can’t eat the protein gluten. Unfortunately, gluten is in a lot more products than you’d think! It’s in these grains:

• Wheat
• Barley
• Rye
• Farina
• Graham flour
• Semolina
• Durham
• Bulgur
• Kamut
• Kasha
• Matzo meal
• Spelt (a form of wheat)
• Triticale
• Avoid oats since oat products might be contaminated with wheat.

Avoid these unless labeled 'gluten free'

• Amaranth
• Buckwheat
• Quinoa

Avoid these foods unless labeled gluten free and made in a place that’s free of wheat or other contaminating products

• Breads
• Cereals
• Crackers
• Croutons
• Pasta
• Cookies
• Cakes and pies
• Soups
• Gravies
• Sauces (including soy sauce and teriyaki sauce)
• Salad dressings
• Beer
• Candy
• Imitation meat or seafood
• Processed luncheon meats
• Self-basting poultry

Many other products may have ingredients that contain gluten:

• Food additives, such as malt flavoring, modified food starch and others
• Medications and vitamins that use gluten as a binding agent
• Lipstick and lip balms
• Toothpaste
• Postage stamps
• Play dough

Careful of cross-contamination:

Cross-contamination may occur on a cutting board or a grill surface, using the same utensil like a bread knife or condiment containers.

"Wheat-free" doesn't necessarily mean gluten free. The product may still contain rye, barley or spelt ingredients that contain gluten.

So, what am I allowed?

• Fresh meats, fish and poultry (not breaded, batter-coated or marinated)
• Most dairy products
• Fruits
• Vegetables
• Rice
• Potatoes
• Gluten free flours (rice, soy, corn, potato)
• Wine and distilled liquors, ciders and spirits
• Products labeled “gluten free” (there are more and more store bought products like pastas and breads that are gluten free)

Lists taken from the Mayo Clinic