Corpse Wins Regional Luge Championship

Today the late Lamont T. Glomstopple became the first deceased person to win the Northwest Regional Luge Championship held annually at the Klomblatt International Luge Course located in Lompluntz, North Dakota.

This became possible when one of the local residents attending the morning viewing for Mr. Glomstopple held at Uriah Blomblethorpe's Funeral Parlor and fashion Puttee Emporium dropped a bottle of amphetamines down a groundhog burrow. Several hours later an aggressively burrowing groundhog rocketed through the floor and into the bottom of the table holding Glomstopple's casket. The table upended, sending the coffin flying through a nearby bay window.

The coffin went sliding down a steep embankment. A snow pile at the bottom of the embankment acted as a a ramp, sending the casket several feet into the air before becoming entangled in a clothesline being raided by a transvestite yeti.

Horrified mourners looked on as the enraged yeti drop-kicked the coffin. It soared several yards before coming to a landing on the main luge course of at Klomblatt International. The late Mr. Glomstopple was awarded the $50,000 grand prize when his coffin completed the course in record time.

His widow, Lucretia Glomstopple, has entered him and his casket in the national Championships, stating "It's time the old tosser finally earned his keep!"