Ask Cam: Finding Older Women

I've been enjoying your Hubs. Would you mind creating a Hub on Dating Advicefor finding older women?

Ask Cam Response:

Since you asked so nicely, sure. Look in hospitals and retirement homes. The Betties will be all over the place and ripe for the picking. Order her an Ensure and vodka(a.k.a. a Broken Pelvis), and let the good times roll down the wheelchair accessible ramp. Just don't come crying to me when she forgets to call you back. Pussy.

On the real though, you're probably thinking of single women between the ages of 35-50 who go for younger guys. In the dating world, they're called "cougars." They're so named because they embody behavior of the predatory female. They're strong, beautiful and quick to strike. One minute they'll buy you a double shot Jack and Coke and the next they'll be dragging your limp carcass into their den in hopes of going totally primal on your man parts.

Cougars are great, but Golden Cougars are even better. That's what you want help finding. They're the classy broads who have come into money, usually as a result of divorce. If you play your cards right, you could parle your Golden Cougar into becoming your Sugar Mama, but that's another hub all together. Look for them where idle time meets cash flow. I'm talking country club pools/bars, a Pilate's studio, yoga classes, any place they're able to keep their bodies toned and nimble. Jumping a 25 year old means they'll have to stay in shape. I know I'm a wily son of a bitch, so any cougar who wants to sink her fangs into my ass better bring her A-game. Bitch.

No matter where you find them, cougars are like most women and proximity will play a major role in your hunt. We all the know the story of the cabana boy who nails the lonely old ladies on vacation right? No? Well it goes something like this:

"Here's the bloody Mary you ordered Mrs. Vanderbilt"

"Thank you Chad, and it's MS. Vanderbilt, Mrs. Vanderbilt was my mother."

"Of course Ms. Vanderbilt, I'm very sorry."

"Don't be, I'm joking with you. But if you're really sorry you can rub this lotion on my back."

"Um, sure."

Chad, though a little uncomfortable, and well aware of Ms. Vanderbilt's reputation, squeezes the brown bottle into his left hand til it makes a farting noise. He covers Ms. Vanderbilts slender neck and delicately sloping back with the coconut scented oil. He pays close attention to rubbing his thumbs along the sides of her spine in a gentle kneading motion. When he gets to the small of her back, he dips his fingertips just below her already low-cut bikini bottoms.

"Chad, are you getting fresh with me?"

Afraid he's overstepped his bounds, Chad stutters, "N-n-no, I was j-just..."

"Aw, that's too bad." She interrupts. " A handsome boy like you...What I wouldn't do to you!"

In a desperate attempt to correct himself, Chad back pedals. "Well, if you want..."

"You know where I live don't you Chad?" She interrupts again. "Stop by around 7pm."

"Um...Ok." Chad turns to walk away, not really sure of what just happened.

"Oh and Chad...One more thing. Get me another bloody Mary, this tastes like shit."

Whether it's the good looking masseur, the tennis instructor, or yes, even the cabana boy, proximity and interaction on any level is your in.

If you would like to Ask Cam, just shoot me an email, camedmondson@msn.com or post your question in the comment box provided below. All names are confidential so hit me up if you want a hub.