SO many of us in middle age find ourselves on the dating scene again after our marriages, which we thought would last forever, crumble.

It can be scary but the alternative of being alone in senior years is even scarier - at least for some of us.

Sure, many people - especially those whose marriages were particularly horrific - shy away from making any commitment with a lover later in life because they cannot be bothered with all the hassles that are associated with sharing your life with someone.

As we age, we become set in our ways, sex may not be as important, we may have full and busy lives which have no room for someone else. Our children are usually off our hands, we are financially okay and we do not want to have to fit in with someone else's foibles or view of life.

Come to think of it, as I write this, I wonder why do we try to find love in later life when the reasons for wanting love in our younger years are no longer there - wanting a family, a home and security.

But the need for companionship does not die as we age -  it is different, and it is different for men and women, by my observation.

It seems that men in their middle years especially like to have a special woman around them. Even those men who liked to play the field when they were younger, even when they were married, want the comforts of a warm home and a warm woman when they are in their fifties and sixties.

Women in their fifties, on the other hand, may be more independent than they were  as fresh-faced brides looking forward to raising a family. They often have their own home, a good job, have raised their kids and kicked out the troublesome old man.

But, still, even with the high rate of divorce in the developed world, a middle aged single woman may find that many of her friends are still married or are in full-time relationships. She will find that she hankers for the warmth of a romantic relationship, even with all its inevitable drawbacks.

However, what an older woman may want out of a relationship could be different to what a man her age may want. That difference is bound to be greater than the differences between younger men and women. When younger people marry, it is usually with the same goals in mind - raising a family and making a home.

But it is amazing how different the needs and expectations can be between older men and women. I was one of those women who wanted male companionship in middle age, after my marriage had broken up, but not a live-in relationship.

I figured that the ideal relationship would be with a man who had his place, as I had mine, and who would like to get together with me a few times a week. That would involve perhaps spending a couple of nights sleeping over at his place or mine.

Well, was I in for a shock. Out on the dating scene, I found that most men I met expected to eventually move in with a woman if the relationship progressed.

They were open-mouthed when I said that no matter how close I got to a man, I did not want a live-in relationship. I like my own company and space. My children had left home, I had redecorated and was comfortable in my home, even though it was the same one my husband and I had set up. But, since my separation, I had put my own stamp on the place and did not feel like sharing it full-time with anyone.

Then bam! I fell in love with a man who was renting a tiny bedsit and did not have a high-paying job. Before long, I was the one convincing him that it was okay for him to move in with me - and he came with a lot of stuff, being a life-long hoarder.

But I could see his potential to earn money from home - building websites - and what he could add to my life. I figured that, as we were not raising a family together and I had my own home and a good job, what did it matter what my partner earned?

He matched me intellectually and sexually so I was prepared to overlook the financial incongruity. Relationships at any age are about compromise and we all have our priorites on what we are prepared to accept and reject.

For me, I was not prepared to compromise on sexual chemistry and neither was my partner. Neither of us has movie star looks but we are genuinely attracted to each other and have rejected other potential partners when we did not feel a spark at the initial meeting.

One of the important things to remember when looking for love in your senior years is that you usually have different needs and expectations than you did when falling in love in your twenties. Women need to remember that as you are not going to raise a family with a partner in later years, what he does for a living or how wealthy he is is not such a big factor.

Likewise, men have to remember that a woman's looks are not as important as they were when you were choosing the future mother of your children. Sure, you still have to have attraction but relax the rules a bit, fellas.

If a woman can compromise a bit on the financial security of a man and a man can do likewise when it comes to beauty, you can open up a whole host of possibilities of potential partners.

But they are the philosophical changes in the dating game for older singles. The biggest real, tangible change is in how we date now compared to our youthful dating experiences.

Back in our youth, we met people through friends, at work, at parties or through common interests and backgrounds.

Now we have online dating, speed dating, singles clubs, introductory clubs and newspaper lonely hearts columns.

It is mnd-boggling and those of us afraid of new technology and leaving our comfort zone can be left behind. It is difficult to meet people as an older person than it was when you were younger. Bars do not suit us and we tend not to go to parties where there are a lot of single people.

It seems to me that online dating was made for older people. Online you can see what you are getting - providing the photo is recent and not touched-up - and you can communicate with the person before meeting them.

That is how I met my partner, although it took me a while to consider online dating. But I finally logged on after being fed up with meeting the wrong men, although I meet a lot of people in my job.

What clinched it for me was that the man who was to become my partner not only had up good photos but also a video clip so I could hear his voice and see his mannerisms. His English accent, fading but still noticeable, got me in.

I liked the look of him and he liked the look of me. Our first meeting was meant to be just a cup of coffee but extended into dinner. We talked about subjects that dating experts advise against - politics and sex. Mostly agreeing on both, we were hooked.

Only thing was, he neglected to say that he was a hoarder. But that's what I mean about compromise. You can't have everthing.