Dragons. And Why They Are
57The Dragon Himself
What They Are
As you know, a Dragon’s a large scaly beast – apparently Mythical and most definitely Ethereal. I’ve touched on Kevins’ accidental magic, invisibility and so on before.
Let’s get a little deeper - because I think you’d all love to know how Dragons came To Be. Suspend your disbelief and stay with me …
Strictly speaking, Dragons are incorporeal. This is really just a fancy word for ‘lack of substance’. Scientifically, it means that Dragons are insubstantial in relation to this world – think in terms of ghosts, faeries – Gods. A being that is incorporeal can transcend time and space. Which of course, Kevin can do. They can also alter things around them ... reality for instance .. as and when it suits them. Hence Kevin has a body, shape and physical needs when he’s 1transcending around our home. However, I prefer to think of his natural ‘lack of substance’ state as being less about transcendental abilities.
And more to do with the fact that he’s a bloody lightweight.
Creation
The Creation Process
In any case – I’m not sure what Kevin’s Gods were thinking when they created Dragons. Perhaps they were having a wager. A hoot. Intoxicated. Kevin informs me –unreliably – that it was the result of a marital row. You know the ones – they start with – “you have no idea how hard my life is sometimes” and end with“oh 2my Husband! – we’ll see who works the bloody hardest”.
So – according to Kevin, a verbally savaged God, after losing a fight to his Divine missus thought: “okey dokey, I’ll show the Missus what hard work is. Tomorrow is going to be all about creating. Something. New”And lo! Dragons were created.
There you go. If we’re to believe Kevin – they’re a moment of Divine Aggravation.
Kevin Has Issues
In truth, it may go someway towards explaining Kevins’ self-esteem issues – especially if we’re to believe his version of Dragon Creation. Unlike you or I or pretty much anything else you can think of, Dragons may well have been some form of Industrial Accident. Brought on by an aggravated God. When I think about or look at my Kevin in an 3affectionate way – I think it’s entirely possible that there’s some truth in his version.
If I’m honest it’s very hard to believe that any God exploited his rather impressive omnipotence the day Dragons’ came to be. I think that whoever was responsible left his sharpest tools at home that day …
Because Dragons are riddled with flaws.
Flying
In My Opinion
Here’s my little hypothesis:
- They are not practical. At all
- They appear to have lots of issues. Most involve theft and/or personal hygiene
- They’re incredibly rowdy. They have no ‘volume’ control. None
- You can’t trust one. Mine anyway.
- They have no sense of rhythm. Especially when flying. See, flying is a little like dancing. You move – rhythmically. Wings flap – rhythmically. With some physics involved, you’re dancing/ flying – and looking hot/stable. Kevin believes flying involves diving, swooping, and having no sense of direction. In fact, flying with Kevin is a little like flying on an enormous wasp.
- They have no sense of smell. Yes, they laugh when they emit gassy smells. But it’s really not funny when Kevin shouts out ‘he who smelt it, dealt it”
- They have no sense. Period
Well, not so much a hypothesis as a list. But still. It demonstrates my point. And now you know Why Dragons Are. I hope you feel enlightened. I hope you feel informed.
But most of all - I hope you feel warned.
1buggering about. 2a Goddess will never say “oh My God” because it smacks of inequality. Even Goddesses had to fight for their rights. Not so much suffragettes’ style – more in the style of rearranging things. They’d turn all the trees pink. That sort of thing.3at times like that, I always think “awww God love him”* when in fact they probably don’t.
Images of Kevin kindly created by Shiba - go check her out.
Be Warned
Remain Intrigued By Dragons?
Still Want Your Own Dragon?
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Comments
Candie - hey :) Tsk ... they're everywhere. Sneaky they are. Very sneaky.
And yes, there are others. Kevin is becoming chronicled.
Which makes a change from chronic.
Have you ever thought about getting Kevin a girlfriend? Maybe someone to fly around with or play Scrabble with. Who knows, maybe he's not even into Dragons and has the hots for a cute Horse with a hot ass *LOL*
great one.
i need dragon...
well done....... so there are no such things as dragons aw...
Janetta - hey :) No. Absolutely not. Don't even go there!
Rotem - thankyou. And no ... you don't.
Brenda - hey! There's such a thing as Dragons. Horrible. But true.
But froggy--it could be like Shrek--little horsey/dragon babies. come on admit it--they were cute :) LOL
Janetta - lol no! They wouldn't be cute. Kevin is stubborn. Horses are worse. Think about the horrible outcome. Like me!
So you say...out there everywhere? Let me see if I can tempt one or two to come home with me.... maybe we'll share some soup lol :)
Beth - Noooooo! You'll regret it ;)
Froggy, they can fly me to the moon! Always wanted to fly... How horrible can they be? Couldn't be worse than a dog in cat's clothing! :)
Beth - Flying to the moon is dangerous - no air and what have you! And dogs wearing cats clothing? Is that like cross-dressing for animals?
No no no lol just some identity issues with those animals lol
How fast can they fly? I can hold my breath....
:D :O ;)
I love dragons! I think they are even cooler than kittens. You should start a dragon blog, like Cats That Look Like Hitler! Maybe Dragons That Look Like Obama.
Beth - sorry ... I do hope you're not still holding your breath! And they fly fast. I can't determine the speed due to Kevins' lack of technique ;)
Papermoon - hey :)
Kea - lol! No thanks - cats are also rather complicated!
Cats aren't complicated! They assume they rule the world. You push them out the door and shut the windows. When you eventually let them back in a couple of hours later, they love you. When they get uppity, repeat the process. Works on mine!
Love the Kevin stories!
Silver - hey :) As much as I love cats I can't help but blame them for half the problems with the Dragon. He likes them for one and for another is impressed by their ... ways.
And my cats always got me back, somehow - and when I was least expecting it. It's a cat thing ...
Maybe they are Vampires in disguise?
Sixxty - no. Vampires are Something Other. Apparently they're not so much evil as depressing - according to Kevin. He says that they've always got something to grumble about. Never happy. The find fault with ... everything.
And they like to be called Vampyres - also sticklers for good grammar and no spelling mistakes.
Divine Aggravation?!! Can you possibly get any meaner? :P
By the way, I would love to take a peek at Kevin when he's in his corporeal avatar. Do tell him to fly by this way.
Feline - hey. I'm not mean. Creation is absolutley nothing to do with me. If it was, Dragons would be less ... irresponsible.
And yes - consider your message passed on :)
Hmmm, I wonder how Kevin feels about you yap-yapping his secrets to anyone and everyone. Do you ask his permission first? Are there "things" you are not allowed to tell? Most importantly do you share your AdSense earnings with him?! It would be terribly unfair if you did not.
Also loved Janetta's idea about a gf. for Kevin. You should start a dating site just for him. Maybe you will get lucky and he will elope :)
Shiba - hey :) I don't care if I'm yapping his business. And he positively revels in it. He's the topic of conversation - what more could he ask for? Apart from another game of Scrabble of course.
The thought of another bloody Dragon makes me feel ill. he can have a g/f - just not in the apartment :) And maybe I should start a dating agency up ... after all, there must be other lonely Dragons out there somewhere ...
Froggy, you don't want to go there! (yes, I'm a little blue but now I'm breathing again). Imagine -- hundreds of baby dragons coming to knock on your door looking for Uncle Kevin... :)
Beth - thankyou! Phew ... I needed a reality kick. yep - No More Dragons :)
very interesting hub man you real champion of hub
Lgali - heyyyyy :) Nice to see you. And thankyou. I'm not really a champion. I'm just very very silly ;)
What happens when Kevin gets a cold and starts sneezing? I hope your fire insurance is up to date. PS my spelling is UK english!
sixty - good question. He has to wear a muzzle-type thing. Not because of the fire. That is only real hot and burny when he wants it to be. Think how cats purr - Dragon fire stuff is along those lines.
He wears the muzzle mask simply because Dragon snot is disgusting. *heaves*
UK english? Like mine then. Being a Brit and all ;)
knock knock.
Uncle Kevvvvvin...
Can Uncle Kevin come out and play?
No?
Can we come in and play with him???
How 'bout some Scrabble with *you*????
lolololol! ;D Keep the Kevin Chronicles coming!
Jama - hey :) Kevin can play out. I like him playing out. In fact - I just like him being out.
Scrabble? I'd love to have an honest to goodness doesn't involve any cheating what so ever game.
It's a dream of mine. Real words. Real opponent. No Dragon in sight.
*sighs*
I was just thinking - are dragons monogamous? Or does Kevin want a harem of ladies like those male lions? :)
Waiting - Dragons and Dating ... :D
Shiba - me lovely :) No they're not anything. In fact I don't know what he gets up to in the wee small hours - and I don't want to either. He does 'play' out at night though ...
Dragons and dating huh? You're a hard task master Shiba!
I'm buggered. I just finished a very normal article. I was bored daft doing it lolol! I'd much rather make myself smile when writing ;)
Sheesh normal article?! Why would you do such a thing for? Fantasy is always better than reality and alcohol is always better than coffee! :D
Shiba - I absolutely agree with you. 100%
I'm shocked I even considered it - let alone did it ;)
*needs to lie down*
I'm pretty certain we are all looking forward to a dragons and dating hub. I do know Hank and I are as well.
Oh, and are Bunyips and Dragons in any way shape or form related?
HeSaid - ohhhhh I'm gonna have to try and explain Dragon dating aren't I? Ho hum ...
No, Bunyips are not related to Dragons. I believe Bunyips are a whole other as yet to be defined creation of The Pantheon :)
Aah Let there be dragons or here be dragons as the old maps use to say.
sixty - there be a Dragon in my apartment ;)
Your stories about 'Kevin' are my absolute favorites! Funny and very creative. The closest I can come to owning a 'Kevin' requires that I have a high summoning level (99 requirement; lvl 65, is my current level) in 'Runescape.' The closest creature I can summon is/are 'abyssal lurkers' & 'smoke devils.' I need a level 99 to be able to own a dragon as a pet (lvl 66 for a Bunyip). Thanks to your Kevin stories, it gives me the inspiration to achieve that 99 summoning level! (love your hubs).
Am I? - heyyyy lol ... First, thankyou very much! And I'm glad the Dragon is some use to someone, somewhere.
Just a pity that it's not me ...
I can't understand how I missed this! I have really re-evaluated me needs to have a dragon . What you said about how they came from "Divine Aggravation" was really my first clue...
Hey - Love hearing about Kevin. I think you got the wrong end of the deal with him. My dragon is actually very well behaved. That's probably why you found him at a pet store being passed off as an "iguana" - he was already showing himself to be a difficult dragon and they knew no one would want to buy him.
Silver - Dragons can behave? Amazing.
The Pet store guy was a conman. Simple. There was magik involved ... trust me ;)
LOL magick involved....good one seeing as that's what dragons are all about
Silver - hey :) I'm with you on the magic. But Keving likes to claim otherwise.
But he's also a liar ;)
Candie V says:
8 months ago
I think I ran into several at the biker bar the other day.. Their wings cleaverly tucked inside their vests so as to be less obvious and get waited on with with typical "bar chick" enthusiasm. This is great, now I gotta go back and read more.. Keep em coming!