When your child talks back, it ruins your authority, destroys respect, frustrates you, makes you feel helpless, and makes you feel like you do not know what to do. Even when you get your way, just the idea that your child is arguing with you ruins your position as a parent and as being the one in charge.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

You can still be in charge even if your child argues with you, and you can accomplish this with the use of just one word and the word is "and".

This is how you use it.

For example, let's say your child is fighting with you about something. He's talking back or arguing. This is what you do. Let your child state his case without interrupting him. Your child may talk on and on if he's really heated up about the thing, but you can tell he's running out of things to say when he starts repeating himself. Wait for your child to finish and then it's your turn. This is what you do.

You reply in a three-part sentence, and this is the sentence. In part one, you first address your child by your child's name, and then you restate your child's position. This shows that you're listening to him.

In the second part, you use the word ‘and’. The word ‘and’ is better than the word ‘but’, because ‘but’ usually implies there's some conflict or difference of opinion. The word ‘and’ doesn't imply anything.

And in truth, you really are not in conflict with your child. You both want the same thing. You want what's best for your child. The only difference is each individual’s opinion of what that best thing is.

What you want to do in the third part is state what you expect your child to do to comply to your wishes. There is nothing else to talk about after this point. There is no debate, there are no discussions.

After you give a three-part sentence, you are finished.

What will your child do?

How is he going to respond?

Well, he's going to hate you.

Your child is going to be upset with you. He will probably talk back, argue, and scream about how unfair you are. But, no matter what your child says or does, the most important thing you ever do is just restate your original three-part sentence.

You do not negotiate, you do not explain, you may even leave the room if you need to do so. But, the most important thing is not to get sucked into an argument.

So this is what it sounds like.

Teen: Mom, you are so unfair. All the other girls are going away skiing in Vermont this weekend and you won't let me go.

Parent: Yes, Barbara, you feel that I'm being unfair for not letting you go, and I maintain that you cannot go.

Teen: Why not, why can't I go? You're treating me like a little child.

Parent: I understand Barbara that you feel like I'm treating you like a child, and I am not letting you go.

Teen: I hate you. You let George do everything he wants to do, but you never let me do anything.

Parent: I understand Barbara that you feel that I let your older brother do things and I don't let you do things, and I'm saying you cannot go. Now, I have to leave. I have to pick up your father at the train station.

Is this going to work every time? No. Nothing you do with ever work every time. However, what's going to happen is this. You will not get side tracked onto other issues, and from these confrontations you will always feel that you're the one in power, and you're the one maintaining dignity, rather than feeling like a worn out rag.

The strength and power of this idea, this strategy, is that even when it doesn't make a bad situation better, it does make it better than it would be if you hadn't used it.

And the best thing of all about this approach is it works for all ages. You can begin using this technique as soon as the child is old enough to talk, and you can continue using it until he leaves the house.