Emotional Cheating
72Emotional Cheating: Is it Real?
Recently, I ended a six month relationship with a man [by age], with a stunted view on emotional attatchment. To make a long story short, after finding each other on a dating sight, he dove into the relationship head first at 138mph. I, on the other hand, was rather disheartened by his actions. But, being the woman I am (as well as a sucker for great sex), I gave him a chance...
Far too many times over.
After a month (that brought about an agreement to live together and a marriage proposal - from him, yikes), reality set in. A man this good looking and overtly arrogant cannot be good. Distance became apparent. 60 miles between two people shouldn't call for emotional distance.
So, what constitues emotional cheating? Let me wax lyrical for a moment:
1. Instead of going to the source of a problem [ie. a girlfriend you believe to expect too much from you after you've proposed marriage and told her, repeatedly, that you want to spend the rest of your life with her, etc.], you go to an ex-girlfriend you never really got over, as well as an ex-lover whom you only hung out with for four days years ago and lives 5,000 miles away. All of this leads to suspicion on the party that actually needs to hear what you have to say, and results in catching you in the act and getting hurt by what strangers have to say.
2. Switching off when your other half shows the slightest bit of emotion, even if it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes, people need someone to talk to, and when you have allowed yourself into a person's life, told them you want to spend the rest of yours with them, and called them your girlfriend and best friend, it's common courtesy to, at least, be supportive an emotional moment.3. All the while, you act as though it is a chore to put up with your other half, then persistently contact your ex-girlfriend and first love, and seek out time spent with said ex. You can't [and don't want to] commit time to your current girlfriend, yet insist on making plans and clearing your schedule for your ex... Yes, that is definately a form of cheating.4. Putting certian people on a pedastal, and then tearing down the person you are supposed to love. Hello!? Prime example.My advice:
If you get to a point in your relationship where you are seeking out emotional support or stability outside of the bond, and allow your other half to feel second best, it is time one of you calls it quittin' time. If it is the injured party that does the breaking, that takes power and a strong will.And, when I get more sense of my own situation, I will have more to say. There is still a part of me that is wondering if there was physical discourse as well.
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And yes, it is "cheating" even if it is just emotional!!
Great Hub Ellie! I know many women who do this with there now husbands or boyfriends.
There is only one reason any man would make time for his ex, and that is because he wants to be with her. You are lucky to have goten out of this relationship before marriage, it would have ended badly. I personally have never had any interest is ex girlfriends, whats done is done.
Ellie,
I feel your pain and it's not easy when the emotions are running wild.
I know you will find the true meaning of love come your way...
Best Wishes,
Tom
i liked reading what you wrote. Its always interesdting to step out of the narrow mindedness of your own problems for a second and notice someone else. good luck. Im sure youll find someone great. just remember, despite what you may believe, your heart is rather flexible and resilient. more so than you probably think!
You look young, you seem smart, almost too smart to fall for this crap. The line that let me know this was when you said, "After a month (that brought about an agreement to live together and a marriage proposal - from him, yikes." You think as I do about that kinda stuff. Marriage IS scary. Commitment is scary. Especially too fast a commitment. You will one day be above this crap. Obviously he wasnt worth your time. Ive been married twice. Im now dating someone. Does that tell you anything? :) We all make mistakes but you just need to really learn from them. Dont let another guy like him do this to you again. Apparently he wasnt ready to settle down, even though you werent either but it seems you were willing to make that sacrifice if he was. Ive done the emotional cheating and the only reason I can give for my actions is that I wasnt being emotionally fulfilled (and many other reasons I wont give here.) Now this is from a girl's POV. I cant speak for guys. Youre young, youre pretty, but most importantly I can tell youre strong. Let this guy make his mistakes and move onto someone you can actually trust.
There are a few people I know who could benefit from reading this hub. Will they? No. Great hub.
Earth Angel says:
2 years ago
Ellie, Ellie, Ellie dear woman!! I am so sorry for your pain!! So many of us have been there; it's "crazy-making!!" I send blessings for your healing!! Be gentle with yourself!! In time you may want to adopt a few new life skills!! 1) Trust your intuition (you knew something was amiss from the start!!) 2) Do not substitute someone else's judgment for your own; 3) Actions speak TEN times louder than words (pay attention to the actions and less attention to the words) 4) If it seems too good to be true, it probably isn't true!! Blessings on your healing!! Earth Angel!!