Call it arrogance or ignorance.Call it toxic,call it a disease or perhaps just an insecurity.Nobody is perfect but when in the presence of an abusive or so called 'Toxic' person, most of us would cringe or look away in disgust. What we fail to realise is that in the majority of instances,these people are actually screaming out for help more than they are putting on a show just for the thrill of it.

Before we get up and turn our backs on them, we should ask ourselves Why is it that they behave they way they do? Perhaps it's insecurities from bad childhood experience or perhaps past failed relationships,or just the challenges of everyday life, whatever it is, it is nothing that good communication cant help conquer.

He's an example of how quickly and easily any one of us can become 'toxic';

THE TOXIC TALE OF MANDY & ALEX

2003

Alex and Mandy have been married for a year now, they both successful with budding careers. Alex is an investment a banker and Mandy a makeup artist.The economy is growing, life is great.They've just bought their first city apartment.

2005

Life couldn't be better,the economy is booming.Alex quits his job as a banker and starts investing in the property market. while Mandy has her own business.They're in the process of moving into their new 4 bedroom home just in time before the birth of their first child.

2006

Alex makes a few bad business decisions and they have to start selling a few possessions,Mandy is still going steady with her makeup business which is now expanding to out of town wedding jobs.Alex frustrated with his financial losses and having to take care of the one year old while Mandy is out of town, starts to drown his sorrows in alcohol and some innocent Internet flirting.

2007

The property market goes bust and Alex is on the verge of bankruptcy.Now that Mandy is working overtime to make up for his loss of income, she is away more often.Alex is getting more desperate because of his financial problems.Mandy is exhausted from work and the baby so Alex starts and affair.He takes out his financial frustration and guilt out on Mandy accusing her of having an affair. He questions why here income is so little in comparison to her work hours.He belittles her by telling her how silly her job is.His anger turns to jealously then resentment and eventually rage.

The story of Mandy and Alex is not a unique one, there are thousands, if not millions of couples who face the same predicament at some point or the other. Though no behaviour is not within any individuals control, we should always keep in mind external factors acting around the individual.

In Alex ad Mandy's case it was the financial circumstances which drove them apart, but instead of communicating and working together as a team, they drifted further and further apart until Alex became toxic.

The reversal of traditional roles of the male breadwinner made Alex feel worthless since he wasn't able to provide for his family,it was also partly the reason for his affair since, he felt betrayed by Mandy.Not that she was having an affair, but because she was not there when he needed her.

If your relationship is headed down the toxic path, there is a way out of the misery path back to the road to a healthy and happy relationship. CLICK HERE

The key to avoiding toxification in the first place, is essentially good communication.If you are in constant communication with each other it is easier to identify the core problems, then begin to share your thoughts and address these issues. This entails both parties verbalizing each one's feelings and listening to the other's concerns.

Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together .

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.