How to Write (Passive-Aggressive) Greeting Cards
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Sending Personal Cards
Sending cards and notes through the mail is a dying art, but they can mean so much to the recipient that it would be a shame to see this time-honored practice disappear. Sometimes it's just plain laziness. With the simplicity of sending an e-mail instantly across the world, actually writing a letter, putting it in an envelope, affixing a stamp, and sending it via “snail mail” can seem not only like a lot of work, but impractical as well.
Don't underestimate the emotional value of actually receiving a good old-fashioned note or card in the mail. E-mails are commonplace, but an actual envelope, addressed and stamped, shows that you put in some effort and really care for the recipient. A letter received has far more value than a message on your computer.
Another reason people hesitate to send a greeting card is they simply can't think of what to write. Use these examples as your template. Simply change the names and personal details and you will have notes for the most important occasions that your friends will cherish for the rest of their lives.
Get Well Cards
Illness can be a lonely time and can lead to feelings of despair. A short note can express your concern and cheer up someone who is convalescing. In fact, it can perk them up and actually help them to get well faster. Nothing heals like a smile.
EXAMPLE:
Dear Sean,
I understand from Nancy that you are doing well but cannot yet have visitors. You think you feel bad, you should see the gerbil. We sure miss you at our weekly poker games (wink – on the down low!) Perhaps when you are up to it, I'll bring the guys to your room. Make sure Nancy isn't going to be there, okay? In the meantime, you just concentrate on rest, building your strength, and getting those stitches removed. I mean, you can hardly play “poker” with those stitches, if you follow my drift.
I didn't have an envelope so I gave this to Nancy to bring to you. In spite of what you said about her, I think she can be trusted not to read it.
Best Regards,
Buster
Thank-You Note
When you want to show that you appreciate a gift or event, such as a stay at a friends home, add a personal flavor by mentioning something specific about it. This will show your appreciation with a personal touch, and a thank-you card is always appreciated by the recipient.
EXAMPLE:
Dear Jim and Sally,
Cecilia and I want to thank you for putting us up in your lovely home – what you call your “country house” - this past weekend. You live in such an interesting neighborhood. Even the shacks have bars on the windows! We had a lovely time, and I just remarked to Cecilia the it sure was nice to finally be home. Were you thinking of moving before the baby is born? I understand that babies are especially susceptible to germs and bacteria, and I assume Sally wont be breast feeding.
Incidentally, have you tried the product Beano? I've heard it works wonders! LOL
We look forward to seeing you soon. Please give us ample warning when you are coming this way so that we can make plans.
Sincerely,
Patrick
Condolences Card
When a friend is bereaved, a letter of sympathy offers welcome support and comfort to a trusted and valued friend. If you knew the deceased personally, it's helpful to mention something you shared with the deceased and to offer some small practical assistance when possible.
EXAMPLE:
Dear Martha,
I
was very saddened to hear of the death of your mother. What can I
say? That the grief you feel has been felt by everyone on the planet
already? That she was as old as Methuselah? Frankly, I'm surprised she made it this long. I remember how friendly
she was to me as a child when I slept over. Lord how that woman could swill a fifth of vodka! I always chuckle when I think of that time she ran around the neighborhood naked, shouting, "Open for business! Open for business!" LOL. I'm sure
she will be greatly missed. (Except by the cops, maybe! Ha!) That peeping Tom across the street must be sad. Nice of your Mom to always leave the curtains open for him.
I know this is a difficult time and what a bizarre story! Did they ever find her head? If there is something I can do, please let me know. I would like to have you over for dinner whenever you feel ready. Maybe we can get drunk of our asses as a tribute to your mom.
Much love,
Sharon
Congratulations Card
When a friend has a special event in their life, you can enhance it with a lovely, thought out congratulatory note. An engagement, a wedding, the birth of a baby, or a career move, provide just such an opportunity for you to show how much you care. Send them a note expressing your delight and goodwill.
EXAMPLE:
Dear Laura,
I heard from Sidney who heard from Joey who heard from Billy about your engagement and upcoming wedding. Congratulations! It is, of course, well deserved and I wish you every happiness! Say! I just realized that those guys are all your ex-lovers too. Does your fiancée' know any of us? Personally, I mean? He must know a couple of your exes, at least. This town isn't that big! LMAO! In any case, I know you will make him happy. Very happy. Really, really happy. I should know! Ha! I'll call you soon to arrange a celebratory lunch at that little motel out on route 3. You know the place.
With best wishes,
Paul
Put Pen to Paper
Now
that you have these stellar examples of notes for every occasion, you
have no excuse not to indulge your friends with thoughtful cards and
notes that will amuse, comfort, and congratulate your friends and
loved ones, allowing you to share their trials and tribulations and
become known to all as a good friend. It only takes a little effort to make a huge impact, and with a little forethought, you can create a remembrance that is worthy of being saved forever. Try it today, and you and your friends wont be disappointed.
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Comments
He, he, Christoph, this was so refreshing! Excellent! Thanks for making me laugh.
Many a true word spoken in jest! Funny hub, thanks.
LOL!!! You caught me off guard, I chuckled out loud at the condolences card, where the writer is wondering what happened to the head of the deceased. And Laura is off to an interesting start in her marriage. hehe. It is true, however, that sending cards by snail mail is becoming a thing of the past.
Thanks for the chuckles!
Mighty Mom: Thanks for coming by. I didn't go adsense silly on this one, but I have done, and found that I got no more outside traffic than normal, which is usually practically nothing.
Actually, Hallmark got a restraining order against me. Thanks for the comment!
Tatjana: Always nice to see you and I'm glad I gave you a laugh. Thanks so much!
Gypsy: Your comment is most appreciated. Thank you!
Violet: glad you had a laugh or two. I appreciate your taking the time to visit and leave a comment!
Great Hub. Do you do birthday cards for kids?
Paper Moon: It can be arranged.
Hilarious. And so nice to be reminded of my troubled childhood. Thanks!
Can I prevail upon you to write one for my embezzling sister-in-law:-)?
Fantastic! I had to link it to my postcard hub. Hope you don't mind. Excuse me, now I have to go twitter about this.
Oh, and how about a letter to the person who robbed you, either your house, or of your dignity? Do you do those?
Tom: My childhood was great. It's my adulthood that is troubled! Thanks for the comment!
MM: Sure. Piece of cake. I'll just write one for my brother and change a few words!
Frieda: Your wish is my command! Thanks for visiting! As always, a pleasure!
Chris, next thing you know you've put Hallmarks out of business! :) What a good ride with these passive-aggressive notes, I've a few (tons) here somewhere in the recesses of my laptop, only I never meant to sent those ... maybe I should rethink that? :)
I think Passive-aggressive is underrated and together with Elena I think Hallmark are in trouble.
Hahaha...and to think I was actually waiting for the tips on writing condolence messages!!
Genius. Pure and simple. You are an inspiration, Christoph, and I'd just like you to know that it took me ages to get all the coffee off the screen.
LMAO! You are inspirational! You make me want to sit right down and jot down a few special notes to a few very special people. Although, I may get more "emotional value" than they would! :D
Christoph,
You are just too clever, but I knew that :) These are great.
You're so right about the lost art of snail mail. Ever since I was a child, I loved to write letters, which I sent to my brother when he was in the service, and to my scattered cousins. I especially like how writing, pen to paper, feels. Oddly enough, in the past year the thought has crossed my mind, that I should just sit down and do it. However, when or if that will really happen, I can't say.
A very fun read, thanks!
Elena: Yes! Definitely send them. What loving memories you'll create when you let them know what you really think! Hey, everyone appreciates a note in the mail! Thanks!
Jewels: You're right, passive-aggressiveness is a great thing, unless it's being done to you, of course. Thanks for commenting!
Christoph, I especially love this because my mother is in the early stages of dementia. When I send her a card, my step father says she can read it again and again, whereas if I call, the conversation is lost in mom cyberspace. Thank you for reminding us about this. I will write my mom today.
Feline Profit: What do you mean, Feline? The ARE tips on writing condolence messages, and other types of messages as well. (scratches head) Well, thanks for coming!
Teresa: Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. Your comments are most appreciated! (One part hydrogen peroxide to 4 parts distilled water works great on computer screens. Always wipe in one direction.)
k@ri: I think that's a great idea. Just please send me one too. So nice to see you here!
(P.S. I can't believe you let MM trick you into changing your avatar back. That was a classic bit of passive-aggressiveness. Please switch it back to the one I admired. There is nothing wrong with this one, to be sure, but the other one . . . wow. Like a cover girl or something. Ingrid Bergman perhaps. At least send me a copy!)
trish1048: Can anyone really be too clever? Perhaps, if I work really hard, someday I'll find out! Yes, I still occasionally send a note or card, or even a post card, but not nearly enough. I certainly know that I appreciate getting something in the mail.
Thanks for writing!
Storytellersrus: Hi! I sure hope your mom is doing well and the family is holding up too. I'm sure you'll find an example here that she'll appreciate!
LMAO I may be borrowing a couple of these to write on the next few cards i send out...I hope you don't mind lol
Or perhaps I could just send you all the cards I need to send and you could fill them out for me. I'm sure whatever you write would be perfectly appropriate. :D
Well you know what they say "When you care enough to send the very best!" HAHAHA!! I love your style!
Janetta: Sure! Send me all the cards you want and I'll write them for you. I'll make them extra special so that you'll really make an impact! Thank you for the honor!
Candie V: And I DO care! I REALLY do! Thanks for stopping by. Your comment on my hubs always means to me that I have another comment on my hub! Thank you! (Just practicing. LOL)
Seriously, Christoph. You've got a winner here! Everybody loves the concept!! You should open your own online greeting card site. Instead of Hub Pages, you could call it Snub Pages. LOL.
MM: Thanks! Oddly, Evilpants and I have discussed doing that very thing. Unfortunately, we're not programmers and are stifled, or else were kinda stupid, or just I'm stupid and I'm dragging him down, down into the depths. Oh well, he should have known better than to get mixed up with me.
Love "SnubPages!" LOL
If any of us die laughing, we know who to blame! And don't you dare send me one of those cards when I do :D
Honestly Christoph - you're a riot! MM's 'SnubPages' idea is great - would be a super hit!
SnubPages -- love it!
Shalini: AW...don't croak! But if you do, I'll send a nice card if I can figure out how to write one. Thank you, Shalini, for your injection of enthusiasm!
Teresa: I like it too. It is being considered along with, Marred Cards, Charred Cards, Smote Notes, and others that I can't remember. Thanks!
No, one can never be too clever. In my world, my brother is the king of clever. From the time we were children, I consistently left myself wide open for his quick wit, which almost always, left me speechless. It continues to this day. Guess you could say I never learn :) He gets such a kick of always catching me off guard, but, I do love him dearly :)
Hey Christoph, methinks you could start a business here with your messages. For $5 you can write a snail mail letter on behalf of someone.
Well, then, if it was as good for you as it was for me.. here's another comment! "Comment" ... Yeah, even better the second time around! :)
What? No birthday card sample?
I agree with you though...card sending via snail mail and even letter writing is becoming a lost art. I remember sweating over my penmanship when I was a kid and sending a letter to a friend in a foreign country.
It's tough to find cards though that express the right sentiment...although occasionally Hallmark does surprise me. One Christmas, while trying to find the perfect card for my incarcerate fiance...I found this:
Front: To the top of the roof, to thetop of the wall, now dash away, dash away, dash away all!
Inside: Ahhhh the treasured sounds of Christmas at the state prison....
:)
Brilliant, I loved these ideas. Perhaps you could do one for "Congratulations on Your Divorce" too. I giggled all the way through this hub, (just what I needed as I am going to the UK mainland for 5 days tomorrow so will miss my hubpages fix until I return).
trish: I did the same with my sister. I'll say this: She had no trouble handling boys when she got older...she'd been trained!
Cindyvine: Ok. Do you have my address? Minimum order of 20 cards. Thanks for commenting!
Candie V: LOL. I knew you'd come back! Thanks for brightening my day!
Spryte: No birthday cards. You're right! I knew I should have written a book. The card you sent to that guy is hysterical. You must have searched a long time to find one so perfect!
And you're so right about penmanship. Mine is absolutely horrid, and I really have to take my time when sending a card. Thanks for the visit!
Misty: Have fun on the mainland! After you get back, you know can send everyone cards (passive-aggressively) thanking them! Thanks!
Love your tongue in cheek.
But a more serious thought...there still are dinosaurs out here who thrive on snail mail.
I have a wonderful friend whose mother has an antique writing desk. This desk is full of stamps, stationery, and love. And beautiful penmanship. This mother goes to the post office to buy stamps and sends her daughter missives, every day, about the goings on in the town and lots of other things.
Do you know Animal Planet and mail call on funniest animal videos? Those dogs who eat the mail when it comes through the slot would be dinner for my friend.
Here's to snail mail.
Sally: I'm a fan of it myself. My aunt is quite a letter writer and note sender too. She'll send you a thank you card for your thank you card. Her penmanship is so beautiful you can't read it, all curlicues and what not. Thanks so much for commenting!
Yes, it is a dying art.
It needs resuscitation.
This is terrifically funny. Think my favorite part is in the condolences card - "Did they ever find her head?"
Have you considered starting your own card line? Perhaps call it Gallmark? :)
Thanks for the laughs!
Agreed.
This hub is so Christoph, I love it! Very funny. Not only that, you've given me some great ideas for a card that I've been putting off sending to a crazy relative for some time now. Got anything for one of those occasions when you send something only out of obligation and hope to hell you don't get a response?
Herald Daily: I think that may be my favorite line also. People have made several suggestions for my line of cards and that's the first time I've heard "Gallmark." I like it. Thanks for the comment!
Sally: Indubitably.
Shirley: I don't have anything in stock that will fit your needs, but I'll be happy to put one into production immediately. For you? No charge. Thanks for the comment!
Thanks, Chris! I know my crazy not-to-be-named-here relative will appreciate it, though not nearly as much as I will. :)
Well, that gives me a good start:
Dear What's your name,
Awww, I was hoping you were going to hub about some sort of juicy/sexy cards?! LOL But sending cards through the actual mail really does have more meaning than e-mails.
mayhmong: Sorry, no sex. Hopefully you got a laugh though. Thanks for the visit and your comment!
I had a really good time reading this hub it really made me laugh and the comments after finished it off a real treat. Thanks for the good laugh it really lifts the day.
Glad you liked it maggs and stopped to say hello! Thanks!
Very you Chris - "did they find her head?" indeed. Funny, just like you :)
Why, thank you Iphie! You are quite funny too, and classy!
Very funny... any ideas for an original message for a postcard from holidays? Come on, help me a bit, I would like to "piss off" some of my English "friends";-)
"You think you feel bad, you should see the gerbil."
Rolling in Space, laughing, my friend. ;D
Princessa: Gosh, put me on the spot...let's see...
Dear Robert and Monique,
We are having a marvelous time here on the cote de Azur! The Riviera is so much fun, and the Mediterranean sparkles like a blue pearl! How we wish you could join us! On the other hand, partying with the jet set requires a certain savoir fare and acceptable social skills are imperative! It would have been awful to have left you behind when we were invited to Count Richtenhofen of Austria's luxury yacht, but your distaste for the finer things - caviar, fresh oysters on the half-shell - wouldn't have met with the Count's approval. Plus, champagne THAT expensive would have been lost on your uneducated taste buds. Maybe we could have found you a bottle of Cold Duck. LOL!
Can't wait to see you when we return to your mundane lives. We have lots and lots of pictures of the great time we are having without you!
Your Best Friends for some reason,
Princessa
lxxy: One of my favorites, and your the first to notice! A pleasure. I must write you for more information on this show you have spoken of. An Internet "Radio" show, perhaps? Thxxy lxxy!
Love you Christoph it's superb. I should hire you as my personal secretary so you could come and share that expensive champagne in the Richtenhofen's yacht!
Thank you
xxx
Your welcome, Princessa. I regret it's not better, but spur of the moment..anyway, glad you liked it. Much love! Christopher
Oh the things we would say if we could 'really' say them! Good one, Chris.
Thanks, AIDY!
This is was an innovative and entertaining way of encouraging others to write their own greeting cards. A wonderful idea (just wish I thought of it!).
Thank you, dohn. Your comment is much appreciated. Thanks!
Hey Chris
It really makes me wonder how come some people are surprised that I call you Mr Cool. I mean look at this display of wit and ingenuity! Is there any other that deserves that moniker? My point exactly. LOL Thanks for sharing :D
Ha, ha! Good you see you, Cris! Thanks, man. I've been kind of scarce lately. I'll stop by soon.
LOL! Good stuff! How did I miss this???
It would be so cool to actually design a line of cards like this. Now you've got me thinking...
Hi, Pam. Great to see you. That's funny! Evilpants and myself have been discussing just such a venture for over a month. Thanks again for the visit!
Dear Christopher,
Thank-you so much for making me pee my pants(nearly) not quite, but 75% there. I do so love your stories. How by the way is that pimple going on your bum? Did you try some Clearisol, that certainly would pop the little bugger.
Lots of Love, Blondepoet. xox
I'm glad you didn't pee your pants, B.P. Otherwise, I would have felt guilty and would have given you a sponge bath. The Bum pimple is long gone. Miss you!
I miss you too Christoph. Very much. Where the heck are you these days? Where can I find thou lovely self?
I'll send you a note.
I thought I had already commented on this one. I must have been so busy plagiarizing and getting them into produc...I mean laughing at your unadulterated genius, I forgot to come back and put up the smoke scree...I mean leave a nice comment.
Funny stuff here! I'll let you know when the money starts pouri...I mean when I'm ready to put our business online!
B.T. That's funny!
Hiya Cris woo hoo to one year doominating HP's with your splendour. Way to go baby. (hugs)
Thank you, blondepoet! You have made my time here even more enjoyable! Love ya!
I still send cards via mail and I will definitely have to remember your ex: Ms. Martha hilarious!!!! lolololo Only you could be so creative. :)
AEvans: Thanks! Nice to see you! As always, your comment is appreciated. Hope you are well!
Thanks for the laughs.
You're welcome! Glad you enjoyed it!
Just when I thought the art of the handwritten card had died, you prove it is alive and well. Ummm, alive anyway. :)
Hi Randy! Thanks for the comment. I'll send you a card any day!
I am still laughing...
Thanks Bayarea. I appreciate your support and glad you enjoyed it!
Chris, these are priceless and so hysterical! What a brilliant idea. Your examples are truly stellar, and I can't pick one as a favorite. If there's room in this card business for a grunt, then I want in! Maybe one day I could work my way up to writing a few one liners. ;) This was a super funny read! :)
Hi, Pam. Nice to see you here and there. Talk soon.
Ha ha ha ha....I haven't written a letter in years!!! LOL!!! These are great!!!!
Hi Anna! Speaking of years, where have we been? We've got to start meeting like this! LOL. Thanks for coming by. Always nice to see you!
Chris! Where have you've been!? We've missed you!
Hi mayhmong! I have been busy plus had an unfortunate accident, but I'm fine. I'll be publishing something soon and have already done the research. Thanks for coming by! It's always a pleasure to hear from you!
I'm glad to hear that you're still alive!
And kicking.
Belatedly I say,'priceless.' Sigh. And I already sent my sister in law a birthday card.
Jess Killmenow: Hmmm. You've got Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up. Sharpen your pen and get cracking! Thanks for coming by and the comment!
It is 6:45 in the morning and i have been up all night reading your hubs. I will never get anything written on a hub. I am having too much fun with all of you. My ex in laws are going to love the Just wanted to say hi card that you have inspired me to write. Its a doosy.That evil pants guy is really funny too. Now i will have to go and read all of his stuff. I may never sleep again. I am now officially a hubpages junkie.
Lisa: Night of self-flaggilation, huh? Well, I think you should definitely get started on writing that card. Nothing says I love you like a card in the mail (or nothing says WTF like one of mine!)
Yes. B.T.Evilpants is a funny guy. This is a secret so don't tell, but my next HubPages piece is "A Literary Analysis of the Writings of B.T.Evilpants." It will be a very serious paper. (ha!) Be on the lookout for it!
Thanks again for your attention. I am grateful!
Love the cards - needed a good laugh and certainly got one here! Thanks so much! If you and B.T. do get you Gallmark Cards up and running, do let us know - I'm sure you'll have lots of takers just on Hub Pages, judging by all the comments. ;)
Red Elf: Thanks so much for visiting and the kind words! We haven't talked about it in a while. We need a computer genius to do the technical part. Thanks again for your comment!
This same sentiment could work well for one of those long winded Christmas letters when you tell everybody you ever met how your year went. Great ideas, Chris, very refreshing.
Hi Delores: No kidding! Those "family newsletters" drive me bonkers. Just say Merry Christmas. That's enough. Add a sentence if you want. Hey, you just gave me an idea for a hub! I'll make sure to give you credit. Great to see you here. Thanks for the comment! (...and the idea!)
Great article, maybe I can put some of these tactics to use and stop wasting greeting cards with "To" and "From".
AdamCairn: Sure! Why not give it a try? Here's an example:
Dear Adam, Thank you for your recent comment. Your writing style reminds me of Hemingway in an "economy of sentence" sort of way, where your sentences are short and to the point. Of course, with Hemingway, there were volumes spoken between the lines. He had that going for him. Plus you were probably drunk when you wrote it! I'd love to hear from you anytime, though when I was reading it (I still can't believe you found me) it occurred to me that I might be moving and changing me name. All the best, Christoph. P.S. Do you still have that skin rash thing?
Hey, just practicing. Thanks for the comment. I appreciate it!
Chris - the passive aggresive Christmas letter seems to work best when you read someone else's and change the wordage a bit. hehe
Delores: Yes! I see what you mean. I'll have to use that this holiday season! Thank you for commenting!
Dear Christoph,
Thank you for your great hub regarding passive-aggressive greeting cards. Keep writing and your hubs will improve even more! It's a big Internet out there; you'll find someone who finds your work entertaining! Keep looking!
Sincerest Regards,
nicomp
ps: (just kidding!)
nicomp: Well, we could all stand to improve, couldn't we, hmmm?
Dear Chris--
Thank you for coming to read my latest hub with the "B" word in it. It was nice to see you...and I really do think that you could show me a thing or two in regard to that hub. Just look at YOUR hub here. :)
lolololo Lita
Lita: Heck, I don't think I can teach you anything, on the other hand, you could teach me. Nice to see you too, and I really did enjoy your "B word" hub. Some people are just jerks. No getting around it. Thanks for reading this. I appreciate your time!
haha Chris. Hope that wasn't passive aggressive! I do work ft and don't much get around to others' hubs very often. I'm editing some photos on the computer now, and am kinda bored of my big bitch hub, so am out visiting. :)
I know what you mean (and yeah, I thought you were making fun of me. Not really). I hadn't put anything on here for a couple of months at least, so finally I put a couple on so I'd have something new.
very nice hub good ideas
Thanks, Lgali.
nice one enjoyed that hub so much
poetlorraine: Thanks for dropping by and the comment!
More please! Very imaginative.
Thank you!
Mighty Mom says:
4 months ago
Whew! For a moment I thought you'd gone commercial and that this hub was going to be SERIOUS! Shoulda known better. To wit:
My Dear Christoph,
I am writing to apologize for doubting you, even for the briefest of moments. Recently, there has been some discussion of the Great Hub Challenge and how some hubbers switched over from using HP to improve their writing and commune with other writers. So naturally, when I saw the title and opening lines of your hub I presumed you were going corporate on us and writing a mainstream, money-making hub with straightforward, universally useful information. I mean, really, the impulse to go for the Adsense bucks can strike anyone at any time.
I am so very, truly sorry for doubting you. If you have not done so already, you really should send samples of your work to Hallmark. I am certain they will be so impressed they will launch an entire new division in your honor.
Yours most truly, MM