I developed a theory in high school when I first read Emily Brontë's classic novel Wuthering Heights. This theory is simple. All men can be divided into one of two categories- the Edgars and the Heathcliffs. I have, on occasion, been accused of making this too simplistic, too black and white. But I always come back to this theory. It's not purely a dichotomy; it's more of a spectrum. There are degrees of Heathcliffishness, and shades of Edgar. You might meet a guy who is mainly Edgar with overtones of Heathcliff, or a Heathcliff in Edgar's clothing. It happens. This is why we need to be educated in what they are and how to spot them.

Wuthering Heights is essentially a love triangle between Catherine, Heathcliff, and Edgar. Cathy and Heathcliff grew up together and are two peas in a pod. They are so alike in temperment and passions and personality that at one point Cathy says "I AM Heathcliff." Edgar is the local rich boy who fancies Cathy, and because Heathcliff is only a servant and despite the fact that she loves Heathcliff, she marries Edgar. So Heathcliff disappears for a while, then he comes back and begins exacting his revenge, which takes the rest of the novel.

For all her being the driving force of the novel, Cathy isn't terribly sympathetic. She's a powerful character, but you feel like she makes some really stupid moves. However selfish and vain and silly, Cathy is human and could have spared herself a lot of heartache, had she simply had someone to tell her about the nature of men and love. Now both men have their faults, so let's talk about them for a bit.

I don't care for Edgar, so I'm going to get him out of the way first. Edgar doesn't really do anything wrong, so I don't feel he deserves mostof what he deals with in the story. Edgar adores Cathy, pampers her, tries to make her into the proper rich lady of the county (when she's been a perfect hellion all her life). But clearly, despite the money, the charm, the handsomeness, the adoration, Cathy isn't satisfied by Edgar's attentions. That's why, as soon as Heathcliff comes back to town, she's all over him.

I think the biggest problem here for Edgar and Cathy is that they do not know themselves. Ok, slight correction for big fans like me who might call me out on it- Cathy knows better than to marry Edgar. She admits it to her confidante, saying that her love for Edgar is like the leaves (changing, transient, insubstantial) while her love for Heathcliff is like the eternal rocks beneath (not pretty, but strong and necessary). But here's the point. When a girl knows she's passionate, knows that she has something going on in her head and her heart, she can't settle for polite adoration. Sweet affection isn't going to do it for someone who is giving lots of energy and lots of devotion to their partner.

Edgar is foolish in that he keeps pursuing Cathy when she is clearly in love with someone else. He's also a bit of a pansy when dealing with Heathcliff in person, and I just can't respect that, so I'm pretty harsh on my Edgars. Edgars are nice boys, but they need nice quiet girls, not wild Cathy's.

Here's some ways to tell if your boy is an Edgar:

• Does he act like you're a porcelain doll? He treats you like you're breakable. To quote Sondheim, "nobody can stand all that everlasting affection!"
• Do you feel like singing Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out for a Hero" everytime you think of him? That's a sign that you're not getting enough out of his affection.
• Does he shrink away from conflict? If he can't deal with problems in the real world, he probably won't be able to deal with you on a rough day either.
• Is he a flatterer? Don't let yourself be swept up in the flood of affection! You need substance!
• Is he REALLY different from you? Do you feel like a different person when you're around him? Remember, Edgars' love is going to change in time anyway.

Heathcliff is such an interesting guy. He constantly sparks debate amongst readers; he's evil! no he's not, he's just in pain! he's horrible! he's lovable! I hate him! I love him! Even my mom, a woman with a Master's degree in English, has a hard time nailing down her exact views on the evil Heathcliff who is the best character in the book. Point being, he's complicated.

I won't go into his story, because his story takes up most of the novel, but let's just say he's been mistreated for most of his life. Cathy's brother makes him a stable boy when he was supposed to be their adopted brother, which of course starts him on his path to bitterness. Because he is cheated out of the life that should have been his, he is cheated out of a real life with Cathy when they become adults. Thus he is angry at the world and wants revenge on all the players involved in his downfall. It makes sense, whether you sympathize with him or not.

The appeal of Heathcliff is his passion. He is completely and totally in love with Cathy. It's why he puts up with being a stable boy and all the other bad treatment that he endures. He has some of the most effective dialogue I've ever read. If you don't believe me, read the sections before and after Cathy gives birth. His lines make me tear up every time, and I'm a tough crowd! He begs her to haunt him rather than leave him, saying "I cannot live without my life. I cannot live without my soul!" Sigh. It's a dark passion, but a powerful one. Heathcliffs are fantastic, but you have to know how to handle the force of their devotion.

Here's some signs that you've got a Heathcliff:

• He can't stand to be apart from you, even if what you're doing is making him miserable.
• If you're upset with him, he'll do something dramatic to bring you back over to his side.
• He's really really intense.
• He feels like he's more yourself than you are.
• The two of you have a deep connection that isn't fluffy, "romantic," or typical. It's co-dependent, but in a good way.