how to pick a wedgie
81The following may be offensive to the prudish and not funny individual. If you are one of these people please read something else as this may not be for you!
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Auralex WEDGIE-24 Wedgies- Box of 24- 1'x1'x2 Panels in Charcoal Only
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Avoiding the wedgies and tips
Wedgies, the bain of women everywhere. It's not bad enough that our underwire bras are poking is the ribs all day,our high heel shoes are wrecking our feet, but then we have to add to our discomfort with what seems like miles of material gathered in between our buttocks? But what can be done you ask? Well, I will give you some hints on trying to avoid the wedgie all together, and if that isn't what you are looking for I can tell you how to pick the wedgie in many different ways.
Lets get started on how to avoid the wedgie first.
- Go commando- as in don't wear underwear at all. This solution should work, no material to get in the rear.
- Wear mens underwear- ever notice how they don't seem to have problems with wedgies? Well there is a reason, they are cut with a much larger bottom and a little more room for your rear to move around in giving it less opportunity to gather. Try this one out girls, I'm telling you won't believe the difference, just remember that they should probably be tighty whiteys as I have not tried boxers and boxer briefs so I am not sure how they will rate on the wedgie scale.
- Go with the perma wedge - Thong underwear. You might think I have lost my mind on this one but the reason is say to use the thong is this, women may never be able to completely fight off the wedgie, unless of course they decided to go with option one, but with chafing and stuff like that it might not be the best alternative. The perma wedge will alleviate most of the material that gathers in our rear and make for a wedgie that is not comfortable, but at least more tolerable. Also another advantage to this is that you will not have to pick this wedgie as it has nowhere else to go. I do not recommend this tip for anyone over the age of 35, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to wear thong underwear over that age, you'll just have to stick with your cotton granny panties, sorry.
- Tape a shoehorn to your butt- well actually it does not have to be a shoe horn, it can be anything that will fill the gap between your cheeks. You probably want to go with something temporary though as eventually you will have to remove it. Ok this one may be a bit uncomfortable but nothing will be going in between those cheeks, this could also solve other problems too, which I should not address in this hub, but I think you get the gist.
Ok, now if none of these ideas appeal to you we can get to the tips on picking the wedgie.
- The finger slide- This is the act of placing a finger in the elastic band around the leg of your underwear and running along the edge while slightly pulling the excess fabric from your buttocks. This is often seen at swimming pools and beaches. This is probably the most effective way to pick your wedgie, but is also the most obvious. There really isn't a subtle way to do this, someone will probably see you.
- The shake - This is done buy shaking your rear in order to free the trapped fabric. This one is also obvious, but on the bright side it might get you a date.
- The chair slide- This one involves sitting down and using what you are sitting to brace the underpants as you slide to the side opposite the side that the fabric has entered, thus freeing the fabric from it's hiding spot. This is not as effective as tip #1 but can be done with a little less suspicion.
- The Squat- This is when you take the stance of a football player by spreading your legs about 2-3 feet apart and do a few squats until the fabric releases. This technique does not always work, and actually sometimes make the wedgie worse. Use caution with this one.
- The pick- This is the easiest way to rid yourself of the wedgie, you just pick at the fabric until it releases from your bum. Effective but not very inconspicuous.
- The blow- This is when you have enough built up gas that you can actually blow the underwear from in between the buttocks. A warning to all who use this, it may cause a loud whistling sound. This one is probably best used at home or around you people you are comfortable with.
Now that we have covered all the ways to rid yourself of a wedgie and the different ways to pick a wedgie we can al be a little more comfortable. So don't be afraid, go ahead pick it and be proud, your butt will thank you for it.
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Comments
Thank You michellemoseley! Stop by again!
Very funny. One thing you may need to mention in this hub is a warning about helping others get rid of their wedgies. Never under any circumstance help another with their wedgie without express consent.
LOL That's hilarious! Thanks! :D
gwendymom: Thank you, thank you...this hub has been most helpful to me. Now when my husband gets upset about my going commando, I'll just simply borrow a pair of his underwear. Unfortunately, he doesn't wear tighty wihiteys so I"ll be able to let you know how boxer shorts work.
One thing though...perhaps some women over thirty-five can't get away with thong underwear, but some of us still can ;)
SirDent, you right I should have added a warning about picking others wedgies. That is probably not a good idea, although if someone is distressed enough they might welcome the help.
Misha, Thanks!
Spryte, I have been told by many people that there is a law that people over thirty five should not wear thong underwear, but maybe that only applied to me. I look forward to hearing about how the boxers work out for you. Thanks for stopping by.
Ha Ha was very cute...I will pay attention from now on and watch for these signs of wedgie tricks...personally I am into the Granny cotton (many colors) pantiees...Thanks for a good laugh today my dear...G-Ma :o) hugs
LOveryL... Spryte in Boxer shorts. Now I'd like to see that!!!
Just to let you in on a little secret, men get wedgies too, and I only read this Hub to further scientific research.
Agvulpes, I am sure that you reading this was all for the benefit of research. I know you guys get wedgies too, but for some reason you never see men picking them, why is that? Maybe you should do some more research and give us the mens prespective on this.
G-ma, Thanks always, you are so sweet!
I think my cheeks would be too too red to go round looking at men's bums. (are we allowed to say bums here)
Well...purely for scientific purposes I asked my dearly beloved if I could borrow a pair of his boxer shorts to take them on a test run...and he told me to get my own.
I think he forgets who does the laundry around here...and if a pair should just accidentally happen to go missing...
I'll keep you posted.
I am happy to have read this scientific paper on the physics of wedgie removal. I do think more visual aids would have been beneficial, but perhaps that's just me.
Seriously, this made me laugh out loud. Very funny! I must disagree with #6, "The Blow". You say use only around people you are comfortable with. Are they comfortable with you is the question. No, I think method #6 should be utilized around total strangers as often as possible, preferably in tight, enclosed spaces. "Be loud and proud" or "I am woman hear me roar". or something.
This hub was a good time! Thanks gwendymom!
Gwendy, you are so in trouble with Sally. She is over 35 and proud of the thongs she wears. Me I am a commando man, just out there, hanging in the breeze, no wedgie for me. Sally however did suggest the old "Hey is that Superman over there?" distraction routine. It generally gives you 2 - 3 seconds to sort things out.
Good Hub Gwendy.
P.S. Have you ever seen the wedgie where everything gets sucked into that pucker little void? It is characterised by a particular style of walk and is not recommended for marathon athletes. Sorry but you brought the subject up.
You never see men picking out wedgies, because we avert your attention with all the scratching! Did you really think we had that many itches? Also, you may notice a man walking down the street, who suddenly does a quick side-step. Walking around a big hole? Nope. It's a time honored wedgie removal technique, known only to men. I'm probably in hot water, for letting that cat out of the bag, though.
BT, that was uncalled for. That secret has been handed down for centuries and women had absolutely no clue. I am going to gather up a posse right now and we will find you!!!!!!!
Aww, c'mon. I was just hoping to see how many women took up the practice. There are a lot of thongs out there, ya know?
Re: The posse. Keep in mind that I have the Mighty Hunter's cannon. And I am definitely not hiding in your hall closet...
Avgulpes, I'm pretty sure we can say bums, that's probably theleast of the worry words that could be said.
Spryte, I am so anxious to here about the boxers, I really would do some more research If I could only get my hands on a pair of them. I could possibly hang out at a laundry mat, but I think your way is probably better.
Christoph, I think it is just you, and maybe a few other guys who would like to see more visual aids. Butt alas, I can find no more, you will have to go out there and find them for yourself. As for the blow, weel maybe it's just me who is not so proud of their gad, but more power to you who are not.
Brainstormer, tell Sally I'm sorry, but as I said before that was the law as explained to me, but it could just be set for me as few have heard of it. I also forgot all about the distraction- I don't know if I can ever forgive myself now.
B.T. I thought maybe that was fleas, butt I was trying hard not to mention it. Well now you have let the jackalope out of the bag twice mister! You might want to hide from Sirdent and his Posse.
Sir Dent, maybe you might be careful of B.T. too as he is kind of a dangerous little jackalope!
A Jackalope with a Wedgie would be quadruple the Evil I believe...
Too, too funny GwendyMom!!
My ex- used to use method number 6!! "The blow- This is when you have enough built up gas that you can actually blow the underwear from in between the buttocks. A warning to all who use this, it may cause a loud whistling sound. This one is probably best used at home or around you people you are comfortable with."
He could also set off the fire alarms in our kitchen!!
Did I mention he was my ex-??
Blessings always, Earth Angel!!
Patty, I am not sure if jackalopes get wedgies, I don't know if they wear underwear, maybe he has an excess of fur back there.
Earthangel, he would be my ex too!
I am not afraid of any Jackalope. BT has overstepped his bounds and given away a secret that only men have known for centuries.
Just be careful SirDent, wouldn't want my new hero to get hurt!
As a 38 year old I am proud to say I still have thongs, but would not want to borrow my Husband's boxers in case of skid marks, not something I fancy sharing :)
Misty, as I said before this rule probably only applies to me, and I guess it is getting more and more obvious that it does. Thanks for stopping by.
I have to ask which of the photos used in this hub was a self portrait of the author. :P
Oh SirDent, you very naughty boy! Nobody wants to see that! Like I said I am over thirtyfive, I won't say by how much, but none the less over thrity five. Back in the day apparently my wedgie region was pretty nice. The first time my husband saw me was bent over talking to a friend in a car and he said he fell in love. He later picked me up with the line of nice pooper! Hard to imagine that I fell for a man that used that line but I did. As i have become older my butt has become longer and wider and now it s almost it's own nation. Really nobody wants to see that!
LOL, I was only joking. :P I didn't think you would post a pic like that of yourself. Bored at the moment and not much going on at HP. Everyone must be watching the debate.
If I posted a pic of me everyone would be watching the debate, trying to avoid their puters!
I think you are right though alot of people are watching it. How come your not?
Three TVs in the house but all are busy. I am here at the computer. GO figure. :S
Sounds like you need a Tv for every person in your house. I am just not wanting to watch. I'm getting so sick of it! I know I should care because my future is probably at stake here, but I don't think things are going to change, I think things have already been decided.
You may be right about things alreayd being decided, but I havent made up my mind who I want to vote for. The debate would probably show me what I need to know in order to decide. I am beginning to hate politics even more than I used to.
I think I should run for president.
Maybe you should SirDent!
Jackalopes, debates, wedgies, and self-portraits, this is a very entertaining hub for sure :).
It surely is SweetiePie. :P I got way too many skeletons in my closets to run for president. :P
Thanks sweetiepie, who would have known that underwear stuck in your butt could cause so much entertainment!
So you really are a naughty boy then?
I used to do a lot of things that many would call naughty yes.
shame on you! yea, me too, shame on me too!
it'sthe way life is. ALthough I am not proud of many things I did, those things helped to make me who I am today. ;)
Your still my hero!
I am nobodies hero.
your mine!
Just remember that anytime you need to chnage a hub like this one, add an extra space and the title is actually changed even though it remains the same. ;)
Thanks SirDent, and that is why you are my hero!
LOL I came in without knowing what a "wedgie" was (that's me, I live with it and didn't know the name... and no, not talking about my husband...)
Very good tips but I don't think I'll try number 6... unless I am alone!
Haha! I hope your not talking about your husband but I think they are just classified as a pain in the ass!
They don't always hurt Gwendymom. :P
Has anyone seen Spryte in her boxer's yet?
Ok Ok , In the neverending search for k nowledge &wisdom I decided to carry out research on Number 6, commonly referred to as "The Blow" , so loaded up with bake beans, potato chips, Spaghetti and other nefarious items. Plus various types of undies don't know about the 'thong" in OZ we wear those on our feet, not very comfortable on your bum, wouldn't get a wedgie tho. Anyway, away I go farting away ( are you allowed to say fart here) and lo and behold. Nothing, narda, zip. Still wedged, could not budge the wedge not even that much,(holds thumb and index finger up 1mm apart. So folks moral of this story is as they say in the bible "turn the other cheek".
I would say that this would qualify for a "Myth Buster" segment. working title "Wedgie myth blown".
Hey sweetheart will you please pass the Vasaline.
You didn't try hard enough :P
SirDent, sometimes they do!
Agvulpes, I have not seen spryte in her mans boxers or even heard any updates, maybe she found underwear heaven and is trying to keep it to herself! I agree with Misha, you didn't try hard enough!
Weeeel guys I rose to the occassion with some minor success but I think I might have upset some of the residents in the area. Take a look
That gas just might loosen a wedgie, and some other stuff.
AV, you must be a red ninja to cause that much of a problem. My hats off to you and I'm glad I don't live in Cranbourne
He should probably lay off the beans!
And that was the best part of the experiment!!!!! darn.
Now where is that vaseline?
I'm a little afarid of what that vaseline might be for, unless you are trying to free a wedgie, I hope. I"m confused.
What could you have been thinking ! With all those baked beans my bum is so sore I could not possibly think of anything else! Well at least not for 15 mins anyway?
You need some numbing medication, I'm not sure if you can use ambesol in that general region, but I am willing to scarifice your rear end for further scientific research!
Vewy kind of you but I'll let that pass for now.
On the other hand just let me know , what would one have to do to "scarifice" ones rear end. Makes one shudder it doe's! But I'll do just about anything if the pays good.
the pay is only research, o I get the information and you get well a numb ass.
I am not pointing fingers or anything, but the size of the cheeks holding said wedgie is in direct proportion to the force needed to dislodge!! lol!!
Blessings, Earth Angel!!
Earth angel, I totally agree with you. Thats just good math, or science, or whatever!
Hey Earth Angel you been peeking?
and gwendymom I resemble that remark, I've been called a "numb ass" many times before you did. Hmmm, maybe that was "dumb"
I don't know what it could have been, I have been called many an ass name but never numb, hmmm, I might have to take that back. I'll check my records and get back to you.
Spryte, still waiting for that research!!!
agvulpes, did I miss the part where you said you would donate your ass for research. Damn it, I miss all the good stuff sometimes.
mmmmmm now i know what they call it ! a wedgie,,, lo0ol that was just hilarious :D
thnx alot gwendymom
Mezo, anytime you are ready for some rude and crude humor, just come on over. I got plenty of it!!!!
I don't know how I missed this great hub, but I'm glad I found it. You're a funny chick. I'm sending it over to my wife, the wedgie princess.
(I'm finally getting Hubpages mail, so you'll probably see more of me around these parts.)
I agree with the above post about men having more problems with scratching, or adjusting themselves. Someone should write a hub about that, although I think it probably should be a guy. rockinjoe????
This hub is hilarious!
My mom took my 84 year old grandma to the doctor for a checkup and he asked her what she had been wearing. (He was referring to footwear here). She answered with a hearty, "THONGS!" because that is what she has always known flip flops to be called. She became physically upset when it took the doctor several minutes to stop laughing and get on with matters. She went to her grave not knowing what she had said. We laughed about that after her funeral. I think she would have rather had a wedgie than wear what we know as thongs. I do believe THAT would have been illegal.
Glad you found it rockinjoe! Thanks, I am not really a funny chick in person, if I can actually sit down and think about then my wit becomes a bit sharper. I am glad to be seeing more of you.
Proud mom, I too was used to calling flip flops thongs. I have worn a few thongs in my lifetime, not the shoes although I have worn them too, and they are pretty uncomfortable. I figure there are only a few reasons to wear one of those perma wedgies and those reasons are because you don't want panty lines, but seriously I'll take the panty lines. You are looking for some action and finally because what you are wearing is going to give you a wedgie anyway so what the heck, you might as well wear less clothing to gather there.
Great story about your grandma, what agreat memory to have.
How about not wearing anything at all? No panty lines, no wedges - perfect ;)
Misha, that might work but not for me. I would probably zip something up or who knows what. If there is a way to hurt or embarass myself I can find a way to do it. So I better stick with wearing underwear.
LOL fair enough :)
Still prefer women in their natural outfit :P
Sometimes I get a wedgy when I wear clingy shorts. These are horrible.
I made the mistake of reading this hub very early in the morning and woke up most of the house hysterically laughing!! I love this hub, can't wait to read more!!
PS-I also agree with the scientific notion that 'the bigger the butt the bigger the wedgie"(someone should do an experiment! lol!)
Referring to ProudMom's comment. I triew wearing flip flops when I was a teenager and can't imagine which would be more uncomfortable of the two thongs--those on the feet or those on the bottom. Gwendymom this is a great hub and rather funny as well. I sure like it.
Johnny Yuma
crazymommaof4, glad you enjoyed thid hub, sorry you woke your family up in the middle of the night. I should have put a disclaimer at the top of the hub warning not to read as others in your household are sleeping. Really it just is commom sense that the bigger the butt that the bigger the wedgie. The bigger the butt the more material needed to cover the butt which then reslts in a bigger wedgie.
Johnny Yuma, I have to say the thongs on the bottom are definetly more uncomfortable. And besides it's not considered rude to pick a foot wedgie. Glad you enjoyed!
I did indeed enjoy it. I became a lifelong fan.
Johnny Yuma
lol. This was hilarious. I dont have issues with wedges all too much seeing that Im a #1 kind of slob. lol. hahahahaha. loved it!
Mellas, glad you liked it. I don't think I could go without any underwear, commando style. I would be afarid of getting something caught in my zipper or leaving my zipper down and giving a free peep show or something. I'm full of all kinds of worries like that.
michellemoseley says:
14 months ago
Too funny, but helpful. Thanks :-)