how do you keep yourself from being envious and insecure with your best friend?
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How do you keep yourself from being envious?
Not being the envious type this question is a little difficult to answer. How do I do that?
In fact I am quite the opposite of envious. When friends experience happiness and good fortune I feel happy for them. When they encounter bad luck, I feel sorry for them.
This may seem like a paradox, but you can be selfish and egoistic about this.
If my friend wins the lottery, how does that affect me? Does my situation improve? Will I suffer? Will my life change? The answer is - as you will have already concluded - no.
His or her fortune or misfortune will not affect me.
So what will envy bring me? Envy will bring me suffering. And I don't want to suffer. Mind you, it's the envy which brings me suffering, not my friend's good fortune.
How do you keep yourself from being insecure with your best friend?
Here too you should look at yourself, rather than at your friend(s). You are not more or less valuable as a person when changes happen in the lives of your friends. You will not become a better or richer person if your friend suffers a loss. Nor will you become any worse or poorer when they experience good fortune. Your friends like you for who you are, not for what you have. That is, if they are a true friend.
Look at yourself
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." said Buddha. You are who you are. You're not nice, because somebody else isn't. You're not a loser, because somebody else gains.
I don't compare myself to others. I am unique. I don't have to compete. I don't need others to exist. Of course my existence would be quite lonely and useless without others, but others don't justify my existence.
At the end of the day, it's all in the perception. For any thought or emotion you have, you can ask yourself: why? What do I gain by having this thought? By being more aware of this, you will lose your envy.
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Envy is caused by insecurity, I think
Insecurity is the driving force behind it to be sure.
Well... Thanks guys.... Somehow, this hub has enlightened me alot... :)
harsh, yes, but INSIGHTFUL... Now I can have this green eyed monster put to "sleep" after 9 years of terrorising my self esteem...
I hope you succeed, Sun Godess. You'll find it will give you peace of mind :)
I am not the envious type either; I have been known to actually jump and down when I hear of something good happening to a friend or loved one, and heck I even feel joy for a stranger's good fortune. Since I am not envious, I am sometimes clueless when on occasion someone has envied me... always the last one to find out. As Sweetiepie mentioned, insecurity is the driving force behind envy.
Very good hub... I wish more people were to think like that. I mean, that people could be genuinely happy for you rather than envious. I am not the envious type, but I seem to gather a lot of envy from so called "friends". Unfortunately it seems that it is a trait that mostly affects women and it ruins the whole friendship. I wish people could just be happy with their own lives, rather than having to scrutinize someone else's.
I wonder whether it's all 'just' about insecurity or also (or even more) about being able to be content with what you have, rather than focussing on what you don't have.
I think it has to do a lot with being happy with what you have. The insecurity comes when you are unhappy. The happier you are, the less you worry about all the things that you don't have, because you know that you don't need them to be happy.
I completely agree with that, Princessa
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SweetiePie says:
2 years ago
I think many good friendships are ruined by people who are too envious. One lady at my work seemed jealous when another woman complimented my hairstyle. She even went so far to say why would anyone be envious of me, but I think she made that comment to cover up her own insecurities. Often I think issues of envy between friends boil down to jealousy and the other person wanting the lime light and attention. I never show off or put myself out there as some, but some people seem to become envious or out right jealous when I am given a a compliment. I really am never jealous or envious of another person because what is the use. As you said in your hub it does not effect us personally, so we should work on being happy for our friends. With that being said I think this is an issue with women though because there is usually always one who wants more of the attention and lime light for herself, and she will act envious or jelous if someone else get a compliment. Many times I had friends actually try to make me feel bad after someone gave me a compliment, so I just attribute that to their own insecurity.