Breakups are a messy affair, specially for the jilted. Being jilted is as close to a near-death experience one can get without being self-destructive. On the other hand, the heartbreaker, no matter what they say, will always have the easier time after the relationship. So to the one left in the lurch, unfortunately, it is you who needs help. But as luck would have it, I have come up with tips and practical advices on how you can, pardon the cliche, move on.

Burn Bridges (And Pictures, Too)

Before you come hankering after your ex in a moment of weakness, delete the email address and the emails, delete the mobile number and the text messages and yes, burn the pictures. Believe me, this will ultimately save you from embarrassment when you get "Who is this, please?" as a reply to your message that says "Hi" (with smiley). As for the pictures, they will only serve as reminders of how your ex blossomed, while you degenerated, during the relationship. And imagine the space you can free up in your laptop.

Selective Amnesia

This is not for you, selective amnesia cannot be self-induced. This is for your friends who know you fell to the bottom of the pit. Threaten them with FO (Friendship Over) if they as much as mention your ex's poodle's name. If somebody persits, keep to the promise you made. It will show them you mean business and they will have no choice but to talk about it behind your back. At least you're not there to hear.

Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Pronto!

There's no better time to avenge yourself than now. If you procrastinate, your ex might forget about you sooner than you think that eventually your revenge migth not make an impression. And where's the point in that? Besides, poetic justice can sometimes take a long time to happen, if it happens at all. As for what you should do as the vengeful jilted one, only you know what should hurt your ex the most without going Fatal Attraction-ish.

No Return No Exchange

I did not say burn all the stuff that will remind you of your ex. Only the pictures, they have no resale value (unless they are moving pictures of a particular, uhm, genre). Keep the ring, the undies, the sweater, the book, the whatever until you find a buyer on Ebay. Not only will you rid yourself of unwanted souvenirs, it could even spell the opening of a new career path.

Single? Mingle!

Post breakup period is the best time to become a social butterfly. Why? Well, as much as you try to mask your emotional state, your eyes will betray you. So don't fight it and instead make it your weapon of choice. Go to the swingiest bars and chill spots known to man and wear your vulnerability, susceptibility and need like a badge. This way, you won't need to be more proactive than you need to be for they will surely flock to you like moths to a flame (remember, misery loves company).

Get a Mirror

Now look closely. You were probably so into that lost relationship that it's only now that you realize that grunge fashion is so 90s (hello?!). So before you mingle tonight, love yourself a little more, treat yourself to lunch, do the things that you planned doing before your ex waltzed into your life with his/her own version of the Ten Commandments. Remember, too, there's a thin line between looking vulnerable and looking like you need medical attention.

A reminder to my broken hearted reader, although these advices have been thoroughly and time-consumingly contemplated upon by yours truly, with the unsolicited help of an elderly spinster aunt, they are not tried and tested in real life. But if you see wisdom in them and decide to give them a go, please let me know if you're successful so I could have them patented or copyrighted, whichever is more appropriate. Don't bother me if you're not. I am busy mending a broken heart.