Mind mapping is a great way of brainstorming and coming up with new ideas and solutions for old problems.

It starts with a central idea. I know many of you read my stuff with the hope of learning how to get your ex back. So let’s start with this as an example.

In the very center bubble, I would place “Healthy Relationship” – and then link words, ideas, and tasks that relate to this topic. As the Mind Map evolves, you can better see the action steps needed to support your central idea.

Just take a look at this image of a healthy relationship.

For example:

➢ effective communication
➢ equal communication (you listen as much as you speak)
➢ honesty
➢ trust
➢ dependability
➢ respect

These are augmented by supporting traits which help fuel the fires of passion and compatibility, such as a common purpose, and common personality and character traits.

Partners are willing to compromise with each other rather than fight to be right. They are flexible and adaptive and support each other no matter what.

Successful partners maintain a positive outlook on their relationship, and don’t just leave their relationship to chance – they work on their relationship.

When trouble strikes, they focus on the solution to the problem, not the cause. Each partner is able to accept who they are, imperfections and all, and do the same for their partner.

Showing your partner that you love and appreciate them is also key to a relationship that thrives. Whether it’s saying the words, or doing little things to show you care, there needs to be some physical manifestation of your appreciation for your partner.

Doing romantic things together is another way to grow your relationship. You’re never in a relationship that’s “too old” for dates!

Avoid nitpicking at your partner’s shortcomings. Don’t allow your relationship to be “satisfying.” Always be happy with your relationship, but never be satisfied!

You can always work to improve things, no matter how good they may be. Don’t treat your partner like a vending machine – they’re not in the relationship to serve your every whim and a healthy relationship needs some time to breathe.

Let bygones be bygones, forget the past, and look to the future together.

Got a picture of a healthy relationship in your mind now? Great!

Take out a blank piece of computer paper. No lines – lines make you think linearly, and go brainstorm in every direction.

In the center of your paper, draw a circle and write in the biggest problem you’re currently having in your relationship. Let’s say that you fight about Money. Put the word MONEY in giant letters in the circle. Draw currency symbols or little bills, whatever inspires you.

Now, draw a line going out from money and label it BELIEFS. What are your beliefs about money (in general)? Whatever you think about, jot it down in the space on that quadrant of the paper.

Here are some examples of beliefs people have about money:

• Money doesn’t grow on trees.
• You have to spend money to make money.
• I can’t afford the nicer things, so I settle for less.
• Money rules the world.
• Money isn’t everything.
• You can’t buy love.

If you and your partner have conflicting beliefs, make note of it in this quadrant. For example, if you believe your lifestyle is good but your partner wants nicer things, don’t forget to make note of this on your mind map.

Now, make a line going out from MONEY and label it CURRENT SITUATION. Write down all the thoughts you’re having about your current financial situation. For example:

• I’m worried I will lose my job.
• I don’t feel secure with the amount of money we have in our emergency fund.
• I feel like we’re going out to dinner too often.
• I wish my partner would consult with me before buying things.
• I don’t like having separate checking accounts and splitting bills.
• We’re always struggling to make ends meet.

Next, make a line going out from MONEY and label it IDEAL SITUATION. Write down your dreams for what your financial situation could be. (Sure, stick winning the lottery in there, but for the most part, be realistic.)

• Both partners working lucrative jobs.
• Emergency fund has 6 months of living expenses.
• Able to be debt-free by 2012.
• Cutting up all but one credit card and living on cash only.
• Having enough savings to go on one nice vacation a year.

Lastly, make a line going out from MONEY and label it SOLUTIONS. Here’s where you brainstorm ideas on how to go from your current situation to your ideal situation.

Some ideas might be:

• Join a wholesale club to save money by buying groceries in bulk.
• Drop cable television and watch DVDs together instead.
• Merge checking accounts and discuss purchases with your partner beforehand.
• Seek debt-management counseling.

Use this mind map as a way to stimulate conversation between you and your partner. You can either make the mind map together or each make individual mind maps and then compare notes.

You may find that you’re worrying about the same thing, just from a different angle! Get all your thoughts out of your head using a mind map and you’ll be well on your way to coming to solutions for your relationship problems!