In the past two decades, the concept of emotional intelligence has been steadily gaining popularity. I remember hearing about it first during the mid 90's. After that first encounter with a particular feature about emotional intelligence, I have always been interested about the entire concept. It is however this time, that I have found my interest in it reawakened. Having a child of my own to whom I feel a strong responsibility of nurturing this all important aspect of the human personality. Many articles have already dealt with the intricacies and oftentimes contradicting and varied ellaborations on emotional intelligence (that is why I will not attempt to do that here). I would simply like to state that it is that all important ability of a human being to identify, perceive, understand, process, express and manage his or her emotion.

There is however a consensus among pioneers of this interest that, yes indeed, it can be nurtured and developed. It is in this light that I would like adults to realize that every parent, guardian, caregiver, teacher ( who would have a young person under their care and stewardship) should take responsibility and assume an active role in doing everything it takes to nurture young and impressionable minds and hearts. A child's emotional intelligence begins with his or her relationship with the primary care giver so it is valuable to lay a solid foundation as early as possible.

Age appropriate interventions on nurturing a Childs emotional intelligence:

Infancy. From birth until over the first year of life, a child basically communicates his needs through crying. It is important that these needs are met promptly. The simple tasks of feeding a hungry infant or holding him or her to provide warmth and comfort when he or she is crying, give the child a sense of safety and security that would develop his or her ability to trust later on in life. It is also interesting to note that several studies point out to the fact that the voice and touch of a parent or caregiver can soothe a child. On the contrary, if a particular tone of voice or atmosphere provided by the parent communicates anxiety, the child amazingly picks up on that and stimulates anxiety within him or herself. With these things in mind, it can be said that caring, nurturing, confident and relaxed parents and caregivers are what an infant needs at a stage where emotional intelligence is initially nurtured. As the child learns the ability to soothe himself, having experienced it initially from the primary caregiver, the child is actually aided in developing the groundwork where the pathways in his or her own nervous system would later on provide the highway where self soothing mechanisms would flow and travel smoothly. While advancing through toddlerhood and preschool stage, acting out and holding tantrums could now be possibly avoided. Because prior to these phases, the child was already unconsciously taught how to self soothe. This later gives a picture of a young child not being swamped by his or her own emotions that could probably bear feelings of overwhelming needs that were not met. Nor will he or she be having a lot of fear, anger or anxiety because it was made felt to him or her that feelings such as can be allayed.

On the older child who can now benefit from a parent's listening skills, the parent must be able to do so whenever the chance arises. Listening then talking to a child as early as it is possible is the key to gain their trust and respect. If a child is heard, they would return the favor and learn to listen as well. This is why it is important that sincere caring ears be turned to them constantly through active listening. It is in listening to them that they are encouraged to recognize their own feelings. Both positive and negative. What parents should provide now for this time is empathy. This could mean a lot to a child because it is made known to them that their feelings are recognized and that these feelings do matter to others and that it is not wrong to feel. What should also be taught to them at this point is learning how to face these emotions and looking for positive ways to channel them. If it however involves negative feelings such as shame, anger, pain, rejection or hostility from others, it is not right to repress these certain feelings nor ridirect them. For sooner or later, a repressed feeling would find ways to manifest itself. Like poor performance in school or escalating episodes of anxiety. In these situations, a parent needs to discuss with the child what upsets him or her. Together, parent and child should find realistic and meaningful ways to either solve or adapt to the problem. Situations such as, can manifest in a whole lot of different instances.The important thing here is for the parent to model mature emotional skills. This involve being calm, focused, confident and positive. For even a parent's temperament, mood and voice tone too can influence a child.

A young child's parent can demonstrate healthy ways of expressing his or her own emotions. For instance, the parent uses "I" to own the feeling. Then proceeds to state that, "I feel upset when I am not heard."

A feeling is labeled for a child, for instance : "It looks like you're sad because you cannot go out to play because of the rain."

Validating a child's feelings is important. Listen, nod your head, use short comments to get them to continue talking. It is not right to criticize or yell at a child to avoid the tendency for him or her to shut down. As a child grows, he or she should be aided in understanding different emotions and why people react to certain circumstances.

Help your child to identify the following:
- How am I feeling right now?
- Why am I feeling this way?
- How would I like to feel?

The more that a child understands his/her emotions, the more that a child will be able to control impulsive behavior and cooperate with others.

Early adulthood. Teen-age years prove to be very challenging to both the parent and the child. The child in search of his or her own identity and torn between confliciting ideas and ideals from home, peers and the outside world, would be in great need of an atmosphere of trust, respect and support at home.

If a child receives very minimal amount of understanding, affirmation and support from home, he or she is very vulnerable to peer pressure and too much anxiety that this particular stage could very well expose him or her with. The child then uses defense mechanisms such as repression that in turn manifests itself in other destructive behaviors. Oftenimes a child would seem tough on the outside but deep within him lie his own insecurities and fears.
It is not uncommon to see depressed and self-harming teens that come from neglectful and emotionally abusive homes. They themselves grow up to be abusive and neglectful parents or adults and the vicious cycle just goes on.

Whatever developmental stage a child would be at, It is important to teach the following characteristics and values to be able to support and nurture his innate emotional intelligence:

1.  Empathy.  The ability to share and understand another's emotions and feelings. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes".  It is said to be the foundation of emotional health. A person who knows how to handle his own emotions should also possess the ability to understand, value and respect the emotions and feelings of people he or she will be dealing with as an adult, In his own home, work and in society.  This could determine his ultimate success and happiness, for human beings thrive through social interaction.   

2. Self respect and self esteem. It is important to assist a child in finding ways where, together with the parent he or she can nurture skills and competencies that he or she can develop a sense of self worth from. Support his or her interests and praise capabilities. Even the trivial and the mundane ones should be affirmed. What matters here is that the child would start to learn to assert him/herself and take responsibility of the things he or she is capable of so they be developed into their full potentials. Parents should know that there are a number of intelligences and it shouldnt matter if a child would just excel on only a few or just one. It could be in the field of academics, sports, arts, human relations, music, so long as a child strives to work at a certain area of competency, what would ultimately matter is for the parents to show their love and support the best way they can.

3. Optimism can be modeled. An optimistic child is surely a child of optimistic parents. So it is important that parents be conscious and aware of how and what they are at home in everyday life and struggles, be it mundane things or big life challenges, for a child picks up on what parents model. Optimism is the first remedy to any unfortunate event on a persons life. It pushes a person to move on and go forward no matter what.

4. Persistence. A person who knows how to persevere amidst difficulties is more likely to succeed than a person who has the intellectual capacity to achieve great heights but who wouldnt know the value of persistence. Oftentimes in life, even the most talented and intelligent people get turned down at some point. But it is the determined person who gets what he or she has sought for to achieve.

5. Resiliency. No life experience would not face any kind of adversity. But what counts more is learning how to pick up the pieces each time a stumbling block is encountered. A piece of valuable lesson that a child can arm him/herself with through the course of his/her own lifetime.

“All learning has an emotional base"-- Plato