Increase cum

‘Increase cum load and impress your lady’ read one of the results that first turned up in Google, ‘is that true, are ladies really impressed by an increased load of cum? It was something I hadn’t given much thought to before. ‘Choose the right foods and increase cum instantly’ read another title, ‘instantly’ I was impressed, by eating the right foods I could increase my cum ‘instantly’, without wait, if I’d never wanted to increase my cum load before, then I certainly wanted to now.

Roughly 14,800 people a month search Google for the term ‘increase cum’, and it was that fact which brought me here now, because it wasn’t something I’d considered before, but if 14,800 people a month were trying to ‘increase cum’, then maybe I should be too.

With 2400 Google searches per month for ‘increase cum volume', and 1300 Google searches per month for ‘increase cum shot’ I was left a little confused, Some were trying to increase volume, whilst others were trying to increase range or accuracy, and I wasn’t sure which would be best for me. Was it volume or range I was lacking in? It seemed wise to take the middle ground and hope for a little of both.

Eat your way to increased cum

‘Eat right and increase cum today!’ read the first article I came across in Google, Ginseng it suggested would lower my blood pressure, increase circulation, enable me to cope better with stress and prevent me from suffering erectile dysfunction, which was all very nice, but had little to do with bolstering the size of my wad. Orange and lime it continued were packed with vitamin C, which, it stated, was medically proven to prevent sperm abnormalities, which again was great, nobody wants abnormal sperm, but it was an increase I sought, not improved quality. Green tea sounded the most promising, ‘extracts from green tea’ it continued, ‘are notable to particularly improve sperm count’, now we were getting somewhere, I had some green tea in the cupboard and couldn’t wait to get started, I put the kettle on and sat back to take it all in, everything that I’d learnt so far, I’d spent 30 odd years living my life with an inferior load in my sack, unaware of any need to increase it, I took a sip of my freshly brewed tea, and felt its magical sperm building properties pulse through my veins.

Following the trail I found a man who swore by smoked oysters, ‘I'm 65 and still having sex every morning and still blowing a FULL load every other day as well as spurts of pre-cum every day’ he informed us, and I was happy for him, because blowing a full load every other day was obviously important to him, and I’m sure that his lady was very impressed.

Liver and tomatoes suggested others, for the Lethicin and Lycene they contained, lots of egg yolks another advised, and I swear I’d never have believed it, a (virtual) room full of men swapping tips for increasing their cum loads, I wondered how many of them would openly talk of such things down the bar with their friends.

‘I heard that eating lots of celery and not jacking off for a few weeks works’ offered another, but that seemed kind of like cheating.

The alternative to a mass cum producing diet if I wanted to ‘increase cum’ it seemed would be to take medical supplements or pills.

Volume Pills

VolumePills advertised themselves as being a ‘fantastic health innovation specifically targeting men who would like to increase semen volume’, an ancient remedy made from a mix of secret herbs, minerals and vitamins VolumePills promised to increase my cum load by up to 500%, which seemed like rather a lot, I wasn’t entirely sure that my sack could handle 500% more cum inside it, without exploding horribly.

"There She Blows!"

‘Tea beckons us to enjoy quality time with friends and loved ones’ explained ‘Dorothea Johnson’ of ‘Tea and Etiquette Magazine’ whom I suspected knew far more than she was letting on.

I finished my beverage and wondered if it had yet had any effect, after all instant results had been promised. I thought that I could feel something, a tingling below, a slight bloating perhaps; I looked across at the measuring jug on the counter, and took some graph paper from my draw. We would need to be methodical, to record details carefully, to be sure of results. Just several hours before I’d been completely oblivious of the need to ‘increase cum’, so that now, I had a lot of catching up to do.