Years ago marriage was a sacred thing that was treasured. When a couple got married, it was a special occasion that was meant for the couple to stay married forever. However, in today’s society, it is so easy just to call it quits and get a divorce. The end result of this new aged trend is a generation of children living in broken homes. There are ways to make your marriage last.

 

Communication

 

Communication is a very big factor in making a marriage last. First of all, you should always discuss your feelings with your partner. Always be honest and open about issues that are bothering you. It is so easy to get upset and keep your feelings bottled up inside of you. As a result, time passes and you build up bitter feelings towards your partner. Next, you should never go to bed at night after an unresolved argument. If you have had an argument about an issue, always resolve it before you go to sleep.

 

Financial Concerns

 

When we get married at a young age, we tend to want to buy all of the things that will make us happy in life. What we fail to see at this point, is that those financial obligations will put a strain on our marriage. We buy cars, a house, and things to put in the house. Then, we work all of the time to pay for these things. The relationship becomes focused on how to pay the bills and not so much on spending quality time together.

 

Furthermore, debt can cause a couple to never have any money to go out and do fun things together anymore. It does not matter how long you have been married, it is important to go out at least once a week on a date. If you don’t keep the spark going, the flame will die.

 

To prevent this from happening to your marriage you should do the following:

 

• Only buy things you can afford
• Go out on a date each week even if you are broke. You can find things to do that don’t cost that much money. It will help you to keep the flame burning.
• Don’t take out your financial stress on your partner. This is easily done when you are married for a long time.
• Try to consolidate your bills to that which you can afford.
• Set a weekly budget and stick to it

 

Children and Marriage

 

Most married couples dream of having the perfect family. They see children as a part of completing this vision. However, in reality, once you have children, this takes away the quality time for the couple and adds more financial strain to the marriage. Children have many needs and can be very demanding. First, there are diapers, food, clothing, and much more for an infant. Also, the infant requires countless hours of attention. This is time taken away from the married couple. Then, as the children grow older, there is soccer, ballet, football, basketball, and much more. It can be very difficult to juggle the time between work, school, activities, and home. There is very little time during these years for the couple to bond. And again, the financial burden grows even more. Then, think about college, this is very expensive and causes a strain on the marriage even more.

 

For a married couple to stay together through these years it takes a lot of hard work. You have to understand that the needs of the children must be met, but also, the needs of the couple must be met. You still have to take time for each other. Communication is still important as well as maintaining a reasonable budget.

 

A married couple with children should never let the children come between them. You have to hold on to what you found special in your companion through these tough times. You need to take family vacations, but more importantly, take small vacations with just the two of you. You need the time for intimacy to stay in the marriage. After all, the kids will grow up one day and move away. If you do not work on maintaining a relationship, there will be nothing there and the end result will likely be divorce.

 

Intimacy

 

Intimacy is very important in maintaining a marriage. After being married for some time, we tend to take for granted the needs of our partner. It is important for the husband to tell the woman how beautiful she is each day as well as for the wife to meet her husband’s intimate desires. It is so easy to get wrapped up in work, sports, kids, and bills. This causes us to forget about the little things that matter the most.

 

You should always keep your bedroom sacred. Never let the children wander in and out of you bedroom as they please. If you ever open the door to letting the kids in this area, it is difficult to get any privacy.

 

Furthermore, a lot of people have a television in the bedroom. This can be a big distraction to the intimacy needed to make a marriage last. You should turn off the television and take time in the bedroom to bond and be intimate. Turn on some music each night and get close. Also, you should try new things to keep your marriage healthy. Don’t let intimate time become a routine. This is not healthy for a marriage.

 

The wife needs attention as well as the husband. Take time to cuddle with each other and talk. Be open and honest about your intimate desires and the flame will burn on forever. Be romantic whenever possible because it is important.

 

Time Apart

 

In order to maintain a healthy marriage, the couple may need time apart from time to time. If he likes to hunt or fish, she should let him go. If she likes to go shopping or doing her nails, he should let her go. I see a lot of young couples that trap each other into this vicious cycle of jealousy. They do not want to let their partner do the things that they love to do. This kind of behavior will not produce a long lasting marriage. A relationship is built on trust. You have to trust your partner and give them their space to do the things that they enjoy. You do not want for your mate to feel like a prisoner.

 

It is also important to take trips away from each other. I have been married for 17 years. I recently went on a trip for a week without my husband. During this time, I was able to relax and feel like I was independent. Furthermore, it allowed me the time to think about the things that I appreciate in my husband. Sometimes when you are away from your spouse, you begin to see the little things that they do that you take for granted each day. I was happy to see him when I got home. I appreciated him a lot more that I do when I see him each day.

 

Watch out for Troublemakers

 

The old saying “misery loves company” is true. If you have a happy marriage and things are going well, there are those “friends” that come along and resent this wonderful thing that you have. There are people out there who will set out to destroy your happiness. They will try to cause as many problems as they can to drag you down to their level. A married couple must always be vigilant for this. Here are a few of my rules about friends:

 

• Try to not hang out with people that are much younger than you
• Avoid going out with single friends- most of the time they will try to get you into trouble
• If you spot a troublemaker in your home-get rid of them quickly. They will cause a lot of damage very fast.
• Do not share your marital problems with friends. Definitely don’t share intimate details.
• Be cautious for people that envy the things you have. They will try to steal them from you.

 

The Grass is not Greener on the Other Side

 

When you first fall in love, there are butterflies in your stomach and life is so great. However, after many years of marriage, this feeling goes away. With all of life’s stressors coming at you, it is easy to lose some of those wonderful feelings that you once had for each other. There will be times when you will be tempted that the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe someone will come along and flatter you with the attention that they give you or fill your head with compliments and promises.

 

What you must realize is that there is a lot of temptation out there. You may feel tempted to seek that butterfly feeling again and have a “perfect” life that you do not have at the moment. However, in reality, if you go astray, most likely, those butterflies are going to go away and you will soon discover that fairytale love you envisioned is not real. When all of the reality of bills and resentment from your kids set in, you will have a great wake up call. I have seen a lot of broken homes where one person left for someone else. The end result is never a lasting marriage. The children are always left upset about the situation and in most cases, the person who left the marriage has regrets.

 

What you must realize is that your love grows over time. You develop a deeper love for your partner as the years pass. You do not have butterflies in your stomach, but you know the most intimate details about the other person. Furthermore, you know that they will stand beside you went you are sick and need them the most. I recently went through a very difficult time in my life. My husband stood beside me and never left my side. He was my hero through it all. If I was in a new relationship, I believe that it would have been hard for a person to stand beside me through all of this. These are the things that shape a great marriage. When you know you can count on your partner and they can count on you for everything.

 

After all, one day we all get old and wrinkled. You have to be able to envision you and your spouse sitting beside each other in rocking chairs and envision that you are happy together. After years of practice in marriage, you begin to see what is really important in life.

 

Make your Marriage Work

 

In summary, you can have a lasting marriage and make it work. It is not an easy task, but it can be done. You have to work at it each and everyday. Also, it takes 100% from both partners to make it work. It can not be 50/50. It is easy to file for divorce and start over, but making it last takes work and a lot of trial and error. Don’t give up during the hard times. Take this time to evaluate what you need to work on and it will make your marriage stronger. I hope you found some of this advice helpful as I am still learning myself how hard it is to stay married.