An Ypsilanti boy has claimed responsibility for the attack against a neighborhood icecream truck driver yesterday afternoon. The driver was making his way down Oregon Street when he was hit in the face with what officials initially thought was a rock. It was later confirmed that the object was a stick.

The boy, five-year-old Peter Bale, committed the act of violence in response to steadily rising icecream prices, a trend that analysts do not think will cease anytime in the near future. Prices for the frozen treat have become so outrageous that in some parts of Ypsilanti, even middle-class schoolchildren cannot afford to buy icecream.

Bale was apprehended and questioned by his mother in a painstaking process that lasted minutes. After Bale confessed, he was asked to give a reason for his attack against the icecream truck man,

"He's a rip-off," he replied, and was sentenced to stand in the corner for five minutes.

The icecream truck driver is expected to make a full recovery.