How many hours a day do you spend on the internet?  1 hour? 2 hours? 3 hours?  If your answer is more than 3 hours you need to contact your towns version of Dr. Drew Pinsky and check yourself into some sort of Rehabilitation Facility.  Oh, and by the way, I'll be in room 5 so just pop your head in and say hi. 

I'm addicted to the internet and I'm pretty sure that my addiction is getting worse instead of better, although its not like I'm trying to cut back.  I've recently added creating internet content to my list of hobbies that also includes searching the internet, browsing the internet, reading sports news on websites, reading sports blogs, I think you're starting to see a pattern here aren't you?  Simply put, I love the internet and what it does for me.  I love it so much that I have a tattoo of my internet service provider's logo on my right butt cheek and my blogs url on my left cheek.  So in the spirit of all those people who refuse to take responsibility for their actions and blame others I'm saying that my internet addiction and subsequent health conditions (bad eyesight, lethargy, secretary thighs, lack of actual friends) on the Internet Service Providers and the Wireless Companies who have made the internet so accessible on my phone.

Whether you have DSL or Cable or Satellite internet you must realize that you are the victim in this tragic tale.  It is not your fault that you spent $400 yesterday on Ebay, it's AT&T's fault for sending high speed internet access right into your living room.  It's not your fault that you spend so much time on Facebook that your girlfriend/wife left you, it's Comcast's fault for having such speedy connections.  We are not to blame for the failures of our personal and/pr professional lives because of our sickness.  If these companies weren't serving up high speed internet access at such attractive prices, we wouldn't be in this situation at all.  This is the same exact scenario that is playing out with cigarette smoker's and Big Tobacco.  You can't blame the people who are willingly using tobacco products when they unknowingly get lung cancer from a product that has a warning label stating that right on the box.  It's Big Tobacco's fault for having such high quality tobacco products that Americans just can't stay away.

And then there is the Wireless service providers and their 3G networks and handy web enabled devices.  Don't even get me started on these guys.  In my mind they are the root of all evil.  They are pretty much providing a portable IV of heroin to a heroin addict.  It's cruel, disgusting and one of the greatest things on earth.  How many people do you see each day checking their Blackberries or Iphones?  The smartphone segment is expanding rapidly and the main reason is that all these crack addicts want to be able to get their crack anywhere and at anytime.  There is now even something called Mi-Fi which allows a person to carry a small device which makes them a 3G hotspot that 5 people can use at a time.  These companies are providing the world at large with the ability to not have to pay attention to whoever is in front of them.  It's both brilliant and devious at the same time.  Despite the brilliance, these companies must be stopped.  Next time you need directions don't use your phone, stop at the nearest gas station and ask the attendant (why is it the gas station employees are expected to be walking GPS systems).  Next time you want to find out if your team won the game, just wait until you can check the score at home on the 6 o'clock news.  Put down your smartphones America, it's time to fight back.

Actually, I decided that I'm not gonna fight back or do anything for that matter.  After thinking about a potential class action lawsuit I came to my senses and realized that I cannot live without my internet.  It is the last thing I see before I go to bed and the first thing I see when I wake up.  It gives me news, directions, humor and some other crap that I can't remember right now.  Internet addiction may be a problem.  It's just not a problem that I'm willing to fix right now.  So pick your smartphone up and fire up your netbook and double fist some good old fashioned American Internet.  I'd say Yee-Haw if I was more cowboy-ish but I'm not going there.