Is my boyfriend using me?
76All relationships entail a measure of give and take. Some people are givers while others are takers and it's ok if one of you gives more than the other. It becomes problematic when you start asking yourself questions like: Does he love me or is my boyfriend just using me? and Would we be together at all, if I didn't give him what he wants?
In this article we will look at how men use their girlfriends, how you can test whether he is just using you and what to do if he is using you.
Determining whether he is a user
What I suggest you do is to take an arbitrary time period, say 3 months. Take a piece of paper draw a line down the middle. On the left side write thing you did for him, on the right side things he did for you. Ad a column for times when he called you and one for when you called him. Examples would be: dates/meetings, gifts, favors and so on.
Relationships are an emotional subject. Putting pen to paper makes it more real and quantifiable.
Never show him the paper; this is just to help you wrap your mind around what he brings to your relationship.
Is my boyfriend using me for sex?
It should be reasonable easy to tell if this is the case. If he is only interested in the sex and not in any other part of your life, it's not going anywhere. Get him more involved or end it.
Is my boyfriend using me for money?
It's harder to tell if this is your problem. If he is making less money than you are, he could be very sensitive about the topic. If you are buying him large gifts and he is buying you smaller ones, perhaps he just can't afford it. Stop buying him things and paying for him and see how the relationship changes.
Signs that he loves you
- He tells you he loves you - no brainer - If he hasn't, ask him: "do you love me?"
- He respects you - Does he treat you, your friends and your family with respect? Does he sometimes do what you want, even though he doesn't like it? Does he treat women well, in general?
- He trusts you - A man that doesn't trust you can't trust himself and is more likely looking to poses you. True love isn't possessive.
- He wants to spend time with you and do things. When you go out he only has eyes for you.
- He asks whether you would like to make your relationship exclusive.
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Are you his Mrs. right or his Mrs. right now?
Some guys don't like to be alone. So they will keep someone around to fill their needs, with no intention of staying with them in the long run. The sign of this are pretty clear as he will be on the lookout for someone new and will avoid committing to you, fully.
The only thing to do in a case like this is to end it, it's not going anywhere.
If it becomes clear that he is only using you and he isn't going to change, dump him. There are plenty of fish in the sea and you deserve someone who loves you.
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Comments
The best advice I can give you is to spend time working on your communication with him. Try to get your relationship to a place where you guys can talk honestly to each other.
I like to think that deep down he wants to take care of you and your baby, but it's your judgement call as to whether that is the case.
i feel like hes using you. this is not a love and for sure its not a love to be there with you only for money and house. well...my advice is btr you left him now and regarding pregnancy then abort it.howcoem its possible that after birth of child he take care. is it looks good that this tiem you are feeding taht guy and after child you kept on feeding that child also.and if you dnt bring money in home then who will brought up that child....
also, change your profession and do get in diffrent place and search for job. you will definately find new job....dnt try to make life of ur child as hell as you are already in helll....dnt feel hes in love with you.hes not...ok.....
btr leave him and go and live your life at teh fullest with the guy who really love you.....
i think it would be easy to tell if someone is using you or not especially if it involves money. a man who has dignity would not even want his woman to spend more if he is earning, or will be shy enough to have his woman spend a lot for the expenses and then find ways to earn more.
This is a really well written and insightful Hub. Thank you very much. :D
hi, hopefully by now you are straitened out with him, not to judge you, ive done it once also, but i think you should find another job, especially after you have a baby, he would respect you more for it also. who cares what it is you will feel better about yourslef, by the way you failed to say how much he makes etc. i think that a women should pay that mush into a relatiosnhip, however if you two really love each other and are having a child WORK IT OUT, GO FOR COUNSELING! it may help alot trust me, most relationships fail due to lack or communication and reading each others minds, talk oit out more, get ANOTHER JOB- he may feel jealous etc about that and feek you owe him, get naother job hun trust me,,, you will both feel better and your child good luck :)
DesireeCiak says:
6 months ago
I need some advice or insight. I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now. We both come from bad relationships. We knew eachother and liked eachother before dating. Now, he tells me that he loves me, but sometimes I wonder. He can be the sweetest guy in what he tells me- I'm beautiful, loving, etc ect. But at the same time there are things I wonder about. He has a job as a construction worker, so doesn't make a lot of money. When we first got together, I ran into an emergency situation and needed a job right away and after a month of looking (and no money or place to live) I got a job at a strip club. So I make a fair amount. I don't want to misjudge him because he makes less. But we moved in together about a month after dating which was too fast. I have to pay for the majority of the rent. I pay half on the bills. And I pay to get my car (which we both use because he doesn't have one) fixed. Also food and dates I mainly pay for. In the past month, I've had to pay 1200 to get my car fixed (he only payed $288), and then come up with $750 on my own for rent since his $288 was supposed to be for rent but we needed the car fixed. He always gets mad at me when I talk about this with him and says I'm selfish because he spends all his money on me and I don't realize it. But I don't understand what he gets for me or spends money on me with. I pay for my half if not all for the date- he has only paid fully for me on a date maybe two or three times out of three months. I feel ripped off at times. Maybe I'm just not used to this. He gets angry at me because I sometimes doubt his love and says I should know he loves me by now- it really upsets him. He already introduced me to his family and friends. He knows the right words to say after a huge fight. When we fight, it usually starts off with me not making him dinner for him by the time he gets home. Things like that. He gets upset because I don't always cook and clean for him. We argue and he screams IN my face, throws and breaks things, and even gets aggressive. He has only grabbed me in two fights. I leave and he calls and calls. Finally I answer and he is blaming everything on me. We argue for another hour or so and then he apologizes and cries. Then for the next week he can be sooooo sweet and loving. I saw the letters he wrote to his ex before dating me on his myspace, and they were SO long and loving. He had a diff job with her, and bought her EVERYTHING. Also fathered her two kids that weren't his. She treated him badly so they aren't together anymore. But I don't see him treating me as good as her. He loved her a lot. He says he loves me more, but he never even returned any of my long messages I wrote him after we got together. I left him comments, pic comments, and messages, and he never left me one. But he left some on all his other ex's page. I am also pregnant with his child- we found that out a few days ago. He knows this and says he is so happy because he always wanted one. But does he love me for real? I am so broken right now. I recently moved across the country for something that failed miserably and didn't know anyone. So he is the only person I pretty much know. I don't know what to do.. He seems to expect things. Asks me to pick him up ciggarettes and when I didn't he freaked out. He expects food on the table when he comes home, a clean house, and money. I know for a fact that I'm also better in bed than any other girl he's been with. I HATE workiing at the strip club. I HATE IT. But until I get my GED, I cannot get another job. I have tried. He treats me like it's so easy to work in the sex industry. "All you have to do is go shake your ass and you get what I make as a hard worker for a week in a day". But yet he doesn't try to find another job. He works with his best friend and his best friend's dad who is his boss. I don't know if he minipulates me to make me feel bad so I do spend more money, or if he does really love me and just doesn't know how to show it, I am so confused- any advice or insight is GREATLY appreciated!