The House Ways and Means committee has proposed a tax on sugary sodas and psuedo-juice drinks. Many on the left and right are decrying that this would hit poorer people and small retail business disproportionately. The latter argument fails because I am sure Wal-Mart will be the largest retailer of those products. But Wal-Mart couldn't have dirty whore lobbyists buying dirty whore politicians in both parties could they? The former target group, low income families, assumes people in this group will not change their behavior. The notion of a discouragement, or as the far right likes to call them, punitive tax, is considered debunked in some halls by the failure of the tobacco taxes to discourage smoking among low income households. Unlike nicotine, high fructose corn syrup has not proven to be addictive, just intensely harmful.

That is right readers, Candidate Parham, known Fat Ass, has come out in favor of the Fat Ass Tax! Is that some kind of twisted liberal masochism? This sort of thing could really hurt his bid especially with the considerable Fat Ass communities in Oregon's Third District. Candidate Parham is in fact a self hating Fat Ass. He believes no one has the right to be as fat as he is and any one bigger should be shot and boiled down for biofuel. Maybe shooting is too far. Maybe the government should subsidize our fat ass society by offering to pay the fatties for rendering their copious harvest of blubber to the national biofuel reserve. Enough money for them to fatten up again.

No joke.  No clarification that I am being ironic.  If we can't turn this fat ass culture around we had better make the best of it and that means tapping an abundant domestic renewable fuel source.  If I can sell my plasma to the for profit medical industry why can't I sell my fat to the energy sector or into a national reserve.  Fat Ass Fuel allows us to use the human machine to refine food crops into both fuel for our body and excess fuel that can go to satisfy our nations energy needs.  Or we could take the USDA corn subsidies which fuel the HFCS industry give them to the cane farmers in the gulf redevelopment area and Hawaii where declining tourism due to a lagging economy must be effecting the local economy.  Then re-subsidize the corn growers for bio fuel through the Department of Energy.  Have the FDA pull HFCS and thus kids go back to being hyper on cane sugar and not bloated on chemically enhanced super carbs.  If we are still a nation of piggos we can then proceed to rendering our asses to regain global energy hegemony.  I swear I was born to conceive and argue policy.  God Bless the 3rd District of Oregon, America, every living creature, and the fat ass tax.