Hot peppers burn when going in, and they burn when coming out. The going-in burning sensation is fun. That’s why we eat them. But the coming out sensation is anything but fun. It burns a very sensitive part of your anatomy. And that burning hangs around for a bit, even after you have finished doing your business. There is an old joke about a certain ethnic group (one that enjoys eating hot peppers with every meal) about how they know when they are hungry by that exit-burning sensation finally subsiding. OK it doesn’t go exactly like that, but you get the idea.

If you are wondering who I am, my name is Papa Riah and I write a blog about stupidity in society. This page is nothing more than a shameless attempt at driving traffic to it using the tactic of sensationalism, something that I often flame the media for doing. So please don’t tell them about this page. You can read my blog at www.StupidityinSociety.com.

Not all peppers hurt you the next day. Pepperoncini peppers don’t. But let’s face it they are not all that hot going in either. It’s mostly the pickling spices. Same with cherry peppers. Those kinds of mild pickled peppers are not even worth mentioning for serious pepper eaters. Real pepper eaters go for the whole jalapenos, raw or cooked. And they pay for it the next day.

Sometimes food doesn’t digest well, especially high-fiber raw vegetables like olives and peppers. This is especially true if you are in the habit of not chewing your food well. The problem I am about to describe can be avoided by not attacking your food like a starving, ravenous wolf. Don’t swallow large chunks of food. Chew it all up into mush before swallowing and you will never have to suffer the effects of a jalapeno cling-on.

So what is a cling-on? Put away your phasers, it has nothing to do with space travel. Some bits of poorly digested food will emerge from your body in much the same way that they went in. When this happens they can stick near the exit. These sticking bits are affectionately known as cling-ons. They are no big deal if the first wave has passed and you are simply waiting for the next wave to come. The cling-on will either fall by itself or be pushed away with the next wave.

Some people will jump a little on the seat, or do a little side-jiggling dance while sitting there, in an effort to free it if they feel one hanging. If you think that the last wave has passed and you feel a cling-on, it’s best to try and get it to drop before wiping things up. Otherwise the job will require extreme precision and tact if you don’t want it to get really messy.

If you are still with me, you know what I am going to talk about next. A cling-on that is made out of a poorly-digested hot pepper is a serious situation. That is an intense burning sensation that isn’t going anywhere! It’s time to plop up and down, do the side-wiggling jig, anything to get that cling-on to drop so the burning sensation can at least begin to start breathing again. You might even think about getting in there with some paper for manual removal, even if you feel another wave coming. Pain is a great motivating factor.

Chew those peppers well.

Papah Riah