Death is a delicate subject in any culture or religion. What happens next is an often sought answer by many people. The Japanese have a strong tradition for taking care of the recently deceased and much of it involves Shinto and Buddhist roots. While not every area follows the same pattern I have attempted to outline the basics of a Japanese style funeral and what happens afterwards. Only some of this I have experienced myself when a family member's grand-father died (I have attended a Japanese wake). I hope this opens your eyes to a relatively unknown aspect of Japanese society.

When someone passes in Japanese society, close family members immediately moisten the deceased person's lips with water in a ceremony called 末期の水, Matsugo-no-mizu. The household shrine is then closed off with white paper to prevent evil spirits from interfering with the recently deceased in a ceremony called kamidana-fuji. Here also a small table with incense, flowers and candles is placed near the deceased person's bed, sometimes a knife will be placed on the chest of the deceased to help drive away evil spirits.

Following these preparations the family is informed and a death certificate is prepared. The funeral arrangement is generally the responsibility of the eldest son. He must make preparations for the wake, funeral, cremation and ceremonies which follow. Often times this is done in conjunction with the local Buddhist temple where a priest is requested to attend the funeral ceremony. The date of the funeral itself is quite important as it must not be associated with special dates assigned for weddings, the priest is generally helpful in avoiding these dates.

From here, the crematorium or the funeral home help prepare the body by washing it and blocking orifices with cotton. Generally men are placed in suits and women in Kimono, although depending on the age and status of the man he may or may not be placed in a Kimono as well. Afterwards his body is placed in a Casket with dry ice, a folded White Kimono, Sandals and 6 coins to pay for passave across the River of Three Crossings which his spirit must partake. Additionally burnable items the deceased enjoyed, such as cigarettes or candy, is placed in the casket as well.

At the wake and funeral the casket is placed on an altar with many flowers, pictures and decorations to celebrate their life. The head of the deceased is supposed to point towards the North, although the East is also an acceptable direction if the North is not aesthetically pleasing in the building.

During a Japanese wake all participants should be dressed in a special pitch-black shade which is designated for funerals. This is the only occasion in Japanese society in which black ties are permissible. If the deceased was an active participant in Buddhist tradition prayer beads may be required of the guests during the ceremonies.

Attendees of the wake are generally required to bring a sum of condolence money, between ¥5,000 to ¥30,000 (Approx. $50-$300 USD). Upon departing the wake they are returned a quarter to half the value of their condolence gift in a present of some form. The envelope indicating condolence money is black with silver (see photo).

When the wake begins a Buddhist priest hired by the family will begin a Sutra during which family members, seated closest to the altar, approach and offer incense 3 times to an urn on the altar. Guests may also be required to do the same at a smaller urn behind the family members. This ceremony can be quite lengthy and generally only involves paying your respect to the deceased.

Funeral proceedings are similar ot the wake, involving more Sutra chanting by the Priest and incense offerings. At this point, however, the priest will give a Buddhist name to the deceased with which will replace his or her living name. This is so that when family members call his or her name his spirit will not be required to come forth from it's rest. The length and quality of the Buddhist name, called a Kaimyo,is directly proportional to the investment of the family in donating to the temple from which the Priest originates. The Kanji or Chinese characters with which the Kaimyo is written are generally very old and few people can read them.

After this ceremony the casket is sometimes nailed shut with rocks by the family members then carried in a procession to the crematorium.

At the crematorium the family places the casket on a tray which leads to the furnace. The family witnesses the casket slide into the furnace, after which they are instructed to return in 1.5 hours (for adults, 45 minutes for children and 15 minutes for stillborn) plus 15 minutes for cooling the ashes down.

When the family returns the remains of the deceased are presented to the family on a tray. At this point the closest family members then partake in a bone collecting ceremony called kotsu-age. Here the family takes metal chop-sticks and working together they collect bones for placement in the ceremonial urn which will later be placed either at the home of the relatives, the family grave-site or at a company grave-site (sometimes at all three). Bones must be collected from the feet first so as to ensure the body will be placed right-side up inside the urn.

There is a very important cultural point in this ceremony. This is the only time in Japanese society is it permissible to allow two parties chopsticks to touch the same object. If you pass food or touch the same object as someone else at a restaurant you will be directly recalling the funeral memories of those around you. This is considered very rude and must be avoided at all costs.

Japanese graves are very condensed due to lack of space in Japan. It's estimated that 99.82% of all Japanese are cremated and placed in urns at their family grave. The family grave is generally a stone monument with a place for flowers, water and urns in a chamber underneath the monument.

Sometimes the name and date of the grave stone purchaser is engraved on the side. In fact, names are generally carved on the stone itself but in pairs (if for a married couple) due to cost considerations. To avoid confusion the living spouse's name will be pained in red to indicate that they are still living (although this tradition is dieing slowly as people tend to get remarried after their partner dies).

Another interesting note of a Japanese grave stone is a wooden plank on which the deceased parties name is written, this is called a sotoba and is usually placed just after death as well as on marked special occasions. Sometimes a grave site will also have a small box for business cards to be placed when visitors pay respect (that way the family knows who has been there).

During the first year after the death of a close family member there must be no celebration within the family. If you had plans to get married during the upcoming year these will need to be postponed to the following year. Same for New Years celebration (it is tradition in Japan to give post-cards to your friends on New Years, this must be avoided). It is a very somber time to be in the household of a recently deceased family-member.

There will also be a altar erected at the family (the family shrine which is wrapped in white paper on death) where the deceased can be honored. During the first year, depending on the tradition of the area, there will be ceremonies on special days in which the deceased is remembered by the family.

Also every August there is a celebration called Obon in which the deceased are honored by the entire family by bringing the spirits of the dead to their home for a few days and then returning them to their journey in the afterlife. This season is quite important and is one of the busiest travel times in Japan as people return to their ancestral homes to partake in this tradition.