Chuck Norris was once charged with 3 attempted murders, but the judge quickly drop the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

Michael Jackson did the moonwalk, but Chuck Norris can walk on the sun!

much like a Russian nesting doll, when you break open chuck norris all you will find is another chuck Norris, only smaller and angrier.

If u build it. chuck norris will build something better, knock yours down, and piss on the ashes!

10 things Chuck Norris can do ALL AT ONCE: raise one eyebrow, lick his elbow, gleek, twitch his nose, wiggle his ear, touch his nose and chin with his tongue, do tongue tricks, sneeze with his eyes open, tickle himself and last but not least, toot his own horn lol.

for years scientists tried to figure out when chuck norris lost his virginaty, the could only come up with the big bang theory

Chuck Norris said if anyone makes another Michael Jackson joke he's going to roundhouse them in the face

chuck norris once upper cutted a horse.. we now know this animal as a "giraffe

Recently i was playing a new chess game on my G1,.. after countless hours of playing and unable to beat the phone I checked it's settings,... after realizing that the phone was not set on first time player , advanced , or expert,... i figured out that it was set on roundhouse,.? Curious i googled what that ment only to find out the phone comes programmed with a Chuck Norris level.

Optimus Prime tried transforming into Chuck Norris he died.

The Earth REALLY was a flat planet until Chuch Norris decided to kick it into shape with his new workout video lol

Chuck Norris's keyboard has no control key, they are chuck norris keys. He also has no escape key because he does not believe there is ever an escape.

Chuck Norris is the one who framed Roger Rabbit but everyone is too scared to say it out loud.

Leading hand sanatizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the heck he wants.

they say lighning never strikes twice, it strikes chuck norris 3 times.

The day the Earth stood still was the day Chuck Norris was born.

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couln't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

I had a dream I was walking along a beach with Chuck Norris, and in the sky I could see all the parts of my life. I noticed that at the hardest parts there was only one left footprint. Confused I asked Chuck how could he leave me at the hardest times of my life. He said those were the times I carried you and roundhouse kicked your problems away

Chuck once had a virus in his pc and he told it to get the hell out.

Chuck Norris bit himself once. His body did not know how to react. We now call it the Grand Canyon.

Chuck norris does not wear a condom .Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck norris

Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They are tiny white Ninjas that know only one mission: SEEK & DESTROY!!!

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of his answers. He got an A+ on his test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

chuck norris once killed two stones....with one bird ;O

The world was once a supercontinent known as Pangea. what happened? chuck farted

chuck norris is the drug that killed michael jackson...

Chuck Norris' IQ can simply be expressed as a sideways 8.

The reason why Bruce lee killed himself was because he found out he beat chuck norrri's shadows young brothers shadow in the movie way of the dragon, and was scarred Chuck was going to find out.

The only person who the invisble man has to puts clothes on infront of is Chuck Norris.

chuck norris finished the never ending story twice!!

if you have $5 dollars and Chuck Norris has $5 dollars, he has more money then you.

WHEN CHUCK NORRIS CROSSES THE STREET, CARS LOOK BOTH WAYZ.

A man with a blàck eye is at the airport. He takes a seat next to another man. He notices that this man has a blàck eye too. He asks, "Excuse me, but I noticed we both had blàck eyes. How did you get yours?" The other man says, "Oh, it was a terrible mix up. I meant to ask the lady over there for two tickets to Pittsburg. But what I actually asked for was two pickets to Tittsburg, so she punched me. How'd you get yours?" The first man says, "Well, like you I got my words mixed up. I meant to ask my wife to pass the coffee, but what I really said was 'You ruined my life, you stupid whore.'"

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85-years-old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

Son: Guess what, Mom.
Mother: What? Son: I stopped a rape in the park the other night.
Mother: Oh my God, what happened?
Son: Changed my mind.

tjkid bought some a those flavoured condoms the other day.he said to his wife,"i put one on and you try and guess what flavour it is."she closed her eyes,went under the blanket,and said,"i dont know.its kinda a mix of cheese,onion,and shit."tjkid said,"you gotta give me time to put the condom on first."

A professor at a university is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
About 40 students raise their hands. “Well, that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 20 students raise their hands. “I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” 15 students raise their hands. “That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” 3 students raise their hands. “That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one further question: Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” One student in a baseball cap way in the back raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.” BlùeFly complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost.”
BlùeFly replies, “Ghost?!? Freak. From back there it sounded like you said ‘goats!’”