scared about motherhood

Maybe it''s just being emotional, or maybe it's the hormones from pregnancy that make me emotional. Either way, life is getting a little tough these days. I know there are other women out there in the same situation, or perhaps doing worse than me, in the same situation so I probably shouldn't complain but this whole motherhood thing is on my mind 24/7 and I'm getting scared the closer the due date get's.

I hate instability. Yet here I am, wondering what's going to happen when the baby get's here, where we are going to live, how I'm going to afford daycare ( or find one for a baby 1 month old even) while I wait for EI to kick in. People say "oh, your gonna be okay, the government helps alot" - do you have any idea how hard it is to get help from the government?? Most of the things you can't even apply for until after the baby is born. The government assumes that people take more than 2 months maternity so they take their sweet-ass time doing anything around here. For work I'm fortunate enough that one of the owners was nice enough to help me out with arranging the ROE so it's ready by the time I go onmat leave, and there is no delay in payment ( although I am still missing out on about 3 grand with the waiting for the first payment for EI, and the money I lose because EI only pay's 50%.) I've been saving for 7 months from my paychecks to try cover that loss and with my vacation pay will have about $2k to keep me going till I get back.

Dayhomes - even if I find one this is going to affect my job majourly. A restaurant manager can't pick and choose their hours. Well, I have no help from the father so I don't have anyone to look after her after 5pm, when I would have to go pick her up. I'm sure something's going to fall into place here and I'll figure out something but in the mean time I'm worried about losing / having to change jobs. It's alberta, changing jobs might not be the issue but then the pay becomes one because I need the salary up-keep of what I have so I can afford my bills, pay debt, and keep us going. *sigh* It's so frustrating not knowing how thing's are going to turn out. I often wonder if it wasn't a mistake to keep the baby. I knew it was going to be hard, but I'm wondering now how thins are going to improve so I can offer my daughter a somewhat decent start to life.

I'm sure there are some other single mom's out there reading this that have been there done that. I wouldn't mind some advice if your willing to leave some feedback for me. Any tips are helpful, especially anything on dayhomes and daycare for a newborn infant.