Pcool  says:
2 years ago

I have the very same problem. I really like this women as a friend and I would not want to do anything that might hurt that. But I also know that although I have not come right out and said I want to be more than friends I have been giving little hints without realizing it at the time.

This just confuses me a lot. Should I just tell her to be honest with her and get it out in the open? Something just tells me she is picking up on my hints more than what she wants to admit to me.

I also know that there must be clear boundries and if she says no I don't want to be more than a friend I must accept this no matter what. But in all honesty it might hurt me when she is being totally honest with me. And being able to be honest with other people is definitely one of the foundations of any relationship no matter what type of relationship it is.

Relationships are very complex even if the people are just friend like in my case.

So should I just tell my friend that I want to be more than friends? This is just confusing as I said before and I may be overly cautious on what the boundaries are that make us just friends in the first place.

Maybe a much more relevant question(s) to ask her would be to ask her straight out if this, that, or another thing is going beyond being friends or not. I just ask because she may not think that the questions I ask is going beyond what friends should be doing together. I was talking to her after many years and she came right out and said that she just wanted to be friends. So can I be as honest with her as she has been with me already?

I must also add one other comment. There is not one answer that is going to be able to cover ever situation. Every situation is different. So the answer to one situation that may work may be a totally different answer that would work for another situation.

Fillip  says:
2 years ago

Hi Granite_Butterfly,

Thank you for taking the time to write a helpful Hub. Also some helpful advice to my question.

Honesty is essential as well as respect. The person in love does have a bit of a burden to respect the friendship. Yet at the same time, like Pcool says, there is no one answer.

Here is one experienc that I had when I was in high school. I was crazy head over heals in love with this one girl. We were friends. In fact, she would confide in me about this other guy she knew and had dated. I didn't or tried not to let any hurt or negative feelings exist. In fact, I always tried to steer our conversations to the moment...to keep the moment in enjoying each other's company.

Almost six months later, I'll never forget this, after a square dance I was riding on the back of a motorcycle flying down the country road when my good friend, Bill who was driving the bike said, "She loves you!" Wow! What a night.

We dated for 4 years. People move, times and events can change lives. She's now married with 3 wonderful children...and we still remain to this day, 43 year later...best of friends.

So my message is, share and be patient. Share your care, and most of all your humor and 'fun-to-be-with'. And be patient. It's you, your actions, your character she may or may not draw her to come to you. I had already accepted that she would never come to me..I think that helped. It sure made the Bike ride on that warm summer New England night one that I will never forget.

Thanks again for all your comments and this Hub. There's always something to learn from others.

solacemoon  says:
12 months ago

I think trust is essential to every freindship and it is good to be honest and open about ones feelings.Accept what it will be once you tell how you feel.I treasure freindship as well as love relationships.I think friendship is the foundation to any love relationship if it ends up being that.If not friendship always is better then to lose the person for life.You never know what life will bring situations change people change.Not everyone goes at the same pace.