Males who were sexually abused
77
males sexually abused
Being a victim of sexual abuse is a life changing event especially when you are a young child . We are so young and innocent and easy to take advantage of .
This is my story I was in the scouts in the 1970s when my scout master sexually abused me I was only 10 and only now I'm 44 I have come forward to tell my story in the hope of helping others .
Most males never report being abused to the police, family or anyone they live about your hurt and trauma in your life and it eats away at you like a cancer .
The Fear guilt and shock go on for years and like me you are to embarrassed to even talk about it with anyone ,
The signs of sexual abuse trauma can be like post traumatic stress disorder yes like the ones that the war veterans suffer from .
For years I was like a hermit, I wouldn't like to go out I couldn't stand to be around males even the thought of getting hugs from a guy would give me the creeps .
I just watched movies at home and now play video games a lot that was my life .
My relationship with girls suffered I couldn't hold on to girlfriends for long. My whole life suffered because of all of this .
I became angry frustrated I drank too much and nobody knew about my sexual abuse because it wasn't the kind of thing one brings up especially for guys.
I used to have a few friends that would hassle me to come out with the boys to pubs or nightclubs
but I just couldn't I just wasn't comfortable to do that .
All this is very common in guys who have been a victim of sexual abuse. Back in the seventies it was quite common it wasn't
on the news much you weren't really taught stranger danger could be someone you already knew at school and people trusted people back in those days also no police checks were done not like now .
I'm married now with a wonderful Wife and family of three. I have a young son and I found it really hard to cope with my sexual abuse as he was growing up, I would push him away .
So In the end I did get help and my life has changed for the better but it's still a long painful process and it's ok to cry and to scream its all good letting go of the past get counselling go to the police report the abuse its never to late get some compensation if you can.
Don't let this thing inside destroy your life and the lives of your young ones because you are never alone although you might feel like it .
I take fish oil tablet and other natural supplements (legal ones) and do yoga (chi gung), meditation and drink Lot's of Rooibos Tea it all helps to heal you but most of all don't live with this on your own talk about it get help like I did, don't be ashamed because its NOT YOUR FAULT you did nothing wrong .
I hope this helps you deal with your inner demons like I did .
no men speak out
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Body Memories
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Military Sexual Trauma
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Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma
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Tell tale signs of sexual abuse
Dont hide in the dark /abuse.trauma
Men should speak out
How do you overcome your fears?
Comments
I am a male survivor of abuse and it's amazing how similar our behaviors are, but at the same time it's the kind of things that survivors do when they harbor this secret and don't feel safe enough to tell anyone. I'm very happy that you told your story and i'm proud to know another man willing to break the silence. We have to tell our stories so that some day no boy or man will feel that they have to be silent in order to retain their manhood or the sense of who they are. Thank You!
Yes you are so right its unreal how I thought I was alone in my feelings and action You are heroes to me thank you for shareing your comments with me
thank you Dream on It means a lot to me .
Jeremytood417@hotmail.com
I wrote a new book dealing with being a sexually abused child. I also created a new website at www.littleboybroken.net I would like to be added to your library. Details of book on website.
Thank you,
Jeremy Todd
Thank you for sharing your story! I was a nanny to a sexually abused little boy. We finally got him into counseling and away from his abuser (his dad was the abuser). I pray that others will read your hub and take strength from it. Peace.
Up until now I really hadnt read alot of storys about child sexual abuse. I was a victim as a you girl. I to had be in and out of relationships. Married 6 times and all of them failed. I reciently started seeing a counsler about my abuse. I have withdrawn from alot of things. But I hadnt realized it until now that I am working in my workbook "THE COURAGE TO HEAL WORKBOOK FOR WOMEN AND MEN OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE". When I started to answer the questions I started seeing just how much this had affected my life. Thank you for your story. You are not a victim you are a SURVIVOR. I am glad I was able to read your story and all the comment on here. Each one touches your heart as you know what they are living with first hand. God Bless you and each and every other person who deal with this demon..
thank you Jeanette for your comments I really appericate I appericate everyone comments Im glad that i can help other people here yes we are SURVIVORs .
Thanks for sharing your story with all of us. It's "interesting" that "we" (society or whoever) continue to "peg" being sexually abused as such a shameful event. It seems to be one of the last human experiences that is still shoved deep into the closet. Years ago, combat soldiers did not feel free to talk about their experiences and sometimes, we shunned them when they did talk about them. So this issue of sexual abuse is one of the last holdouts, so to speak. Unfortunately, it is one of life's experiences, and when and if it happens to you, SHOUT IT OUT. WE WILL ALL LISTEN AND CONTINUE TO WELCOME YOU AS A MEMBER OF OUR FUMBLING HUMAN RACE. There is not one special group of all together folk and then another group of "f'd up folks. We are all onboard one huge ship. It is rusty, old, leaking, and hardly seaworthy. But here we are. Some of us try to hide below deck, and we decorate our cabin as if we are on a luxury liner, but it's truly easier to let go of that front and just humbly acknowledge that we are all making our way and sometimes the way is not so pretty. My little "rant" there was not intended to minimize the shame that one does experience whether from being sexually abused or killing other human beings in the name of democracy. Again, thanks for sharing your story.
Vern
I find your courage to overcome the demon that tried to destroy you amazing!!!.
Not everyone takes the necessary steps to improve as well as move on from traumatic experiences. what's sad is they destroy their loved ones/friends and allow them to suffer due to what they have experienced. It's a blessing that you can now communicate with your son so that he wont grow up confused and bewildered due to the relationship that you had would have had with him. Growth as well as maturity can always be fruitful if you are seeking change. Best wishes to you and yours and may the remainder of your days be an asset to all who have Expereienced the Experience and will cross your path....ciao
vonda g. nelson
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Comments
Mulder, I am very pleased to see what you have wrote. Over the yrs i have known you, you where once a relaxed but uptight man who takes alot to heart and would get angery . You would always yell at your son and tell him off even if i had seen that he had done nothing wrong, you would yell at him and say words to him that would really hurt him and make myself angry for the way you would speak to a child. But now since you have been doing your relaxing cd's , yoga, walks, counciling and even talking about it to your family and friends you are a much more easy going person. I am now proud of you as a father to my nephew , because you now spend time with him , talk to him and play with him. because your son was becoming to emotional and now he looks and sounds to be a much happier little boy because of you making a differance in your life it shows in your children and i am very proud of you for that. You are a good man who has been through alot and have came a long way to be a much happier person in yourself , as a husband and a father. Dont ever give up, because in the end, it is only you who can make a differance. I believe you can, because you already have. Love Kerry xxx
hey babe i am really proud of you to and have noticed the same things as kerry has mentioned i know that i am always rushing around saying i am busy like old mother chook but i want u to no that you and the rest of the tribe are always on my mind and when it comes down to it i am never to be if you need to talk mum would be proud to love you ally and girls xxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you so much for both your kind words .
I also was abused as a 10 year old, by a family member who lived with us. This man was someone who was trusted to baby sit me and sadly take advantage of that. I still carry that with me. I try hard to forget (I don't think I could ever forgive) however, it creeps up on me every now and then and spirals me into depression. I went through councellors with my depression and all I could think of was the articles that showed abusee's became abuser's when they grew up. When I had children I couldn't experience that joy fully as I was constantly worried about when I would 'change' and become a monster. Finally, I worked out I was never like that, it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Knowing that you have lived it, and get past it helps me immensely. I will never have the courage to confront my abuser, he suffers medical conditions - and did at the time - that affects his memory, so I don't actually know if he remembers the abuse or not. But unfortunitly I do.
Children need to learn to speak out, but it seems so shameful to you at the time, that speaking out is an alien concept. Thankyou Mulder, you are an inspiration.
I'm touched by your comments I know it must been so hard for you take strengh in knowing you are not alone .
It takes great courage to deal with the emotions that come along with this abuse. Welcome to hubpages. You will find that this is an accepting and supportive community of writers. And yes, you are not alone.
Thank you for your comments .
Thank you for sharing your story. It is a powerful testimony to the prevalence of sexual abuse. As a female survivor, it is rare that I encounter male survivors period, not because they do not exist, as you point out, but because they are not supported to speak out. This is a crime that happens in the "dark" and unless we speak about it it will continue to happen. Your sharing helps to heal the whole world. Thank you for your courage and generosity of spirit.
with much respect, gratitude and good wishes for love and laughter on your journey
fadzo
thank you it couldnt have been easy for you either its taken me 34 years to speak out and a lot of reasearch to find out men dont come forward or tell anyone because of the shame guilt pain embassmeant . Yes I hope to help other guys and people like yourself and say enough is enough
Thank you for sharing your story and breaking the silence. Your bravery is a much needed example of how others need to come forward in order to break the cycle. You're awesome.
Thank you also for linking our video. I hope it helps others.
Wishing you peace on your journey. Namaste.
Mulder, as Cailin said, welcome and you WILL find friendship and support here. Your story was brave and incredible, and the comments -by your loved ones?- very touching. It speaks to the potential of HubPages that you have found a voice here.
I'm very proud to be a part of this blog site.
Its funny when I first decided to write this I was terrifed to see what kind of reaction i was going to get . Know I know the support from your comments have has really helped me so much and the best thing is openning the door for other sexual abuse victims to feel they are not alone .
Hi Constant Walker this hubpage is amazing i find this place quite by accident but it was meant to be I belive you are right the potential of HubPages to have a voice and help other people is life changeing .
Thank you for your honest and heart felt comments. I specialize in infidelity and know that, in some cases, a history of sexual abuse and confusion looms large in one's inability to respond openly and with great intimacy with one's partner. Some affairs are, I believe, and attempt to reconcile, in some manner, one's history of painful sexual encounters. Be well....
Hi Robert you must do amazing job I had no idea about the effects until your comments thank you .
Hey Mulder look at the list of comments you get, WOW. Just think of the lives you are helping with your honesty and bravery. Blessings
Thank you so much Dream on .
Mulder, as everyone before me has stated, the putting it down for others to share and comment on, is most probably the hardest part. It helped you to have a closure on those episodes of your life.
May you grow stronger and feel the peace and support from all on the hub, it is amazing that there is so much carring and compasion in a single place!
Thank you just Rodney yes I have come full circle now scince writting this hub Im a change man for the better and hub pages have help me get there .
Keep it up and start to enjoy your life, you have worked hard to get this far, so live and enjoy.
Thank you Just rodney I will .
Hey folks, I just wanted you all to know that my book is now a free ebook and can be downloaded on my website at www.littleboybroken.net, Thank you!
Jeremy Todd
Decrescendo says:
18 months ago
Wow this is a serious health condition. Thanks for the tip.