From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia -

Egotism is the motivation to maintain and enhance favorable views of oneself. Egotism means placing oneself at the center of one's world with no direct concern for others.

I never was egotist myself and did not have much of experience with it in my family. When I met one I did not recognize the symptoms. It was an honest mistake of a provincial shy home (homely) girl who grew in a place where people were naive to stupidity and trustful to improbability and honest to the point of craziness.

You see, in a small town people see each other almost every day, grow together and know who is who and what to expect from him or her and usually trust each other.

I never knew that it is possible to live by your own rules without giving a damn for everybody else and never care about anybody and be happy with that. And if you want something from somebody you can pretend that you are this and that and just play along with that other person you want to impress and hide your own nature. You have to find out  weaknesses of that other person and learn what buttons to push but it's your talent. You play somebody like a musical instrument: nice and in tune.

For example, if somebody likes flowers, tell him/her how big your grandmother's garden was and how many wonderful hours you spent helping your grandmother to cultivate that garden at the same time enjoying life and nature, smelling flowers and planting them right and left.

In an instant you'll become that wonderful and caring person, hardworking and romantic as positive one as Mother Theresa.

You could substitute flowers with novels, animals, children, growing your own vegetables or horses (not races though or casino, stay away from that theme). You'll sing a little in tune with him and he will follow your every whim. It's especially easy when you are egotist yourself - your consciousness is not bothered, you feel fine, deceiving another human being. It's your well being that matters not somebody else's.

What happens if 2 egotists meet each other and get married?

1. Highly improbable.

They see each other through right away and not going to fall for each other's schemes, they understand the consequences.

2. They get married because one egotist charmed and outsmarted another but marriage is not viable, they will soon go separate ways genuinely disappointed and bored with each other, feeling deceived.

3. What happens if an accomplished egotist meets a caring and trustful person? It depends on a level of gullibility of that other.

On a scale 1 to 10 mine gullibility was definitely 11(eleven). I met and married a fully accomplished egotist and lived in a totally happy oblivion for many years. It took me 3 kids and total abuse to realize finally what I am doing. And being completely unselfish and stupidly forgiving I naturally tried to change this person, just a little bit, I thought, would be enough.

I have to step aside and tell you something. Strangely, it reminds me about one childhood episode of mine.

I was 5 years old and I wanted to have a black cat. But my mom being a little superstitious did not want to have a black cat (bad luck) in the house. So she bought me a gray kitten.

Kitten was very cute, but not black. I decided to get what I wanted anyway - I got a brilliant idea to color my cat! And I did, I took some black shoe polish and a brush and turned my poor gray kitten into black one.

Poor little guy for some reason became very sad and hid under the sofa for the rest of the day, until my mom came from work and rescued unlucky creature. It took a lot of soap and water to undo the damage, but he survived the ordeal. That's what happens when you leave your small child home alone!

I got some scolding from my mom, guilty conscience for many months, but not a black cat!

Well, it looks like with my husband I tried to do the same, -  I wanted to turn him into completely different person and naively thought I would succeed if I try really hard, but it did not happen. I should have left him but I didn't. I do not know what I was scared more of - loneliness or financial insecurity, might be both. And I waited and waited and waited beyond hope and common sense until it was too late.

Sometimes changes come not the way we expect them. The worst part of procrastination is when you see the damage done to your children. This is where it hurts the most. And you cannot change it because it’s too late. It hurts and you cry but cry is cheap and useless.

You see that those years of sacrifice and moral self-annihilation were completely fruitless. You did not change the other person, you changed yourself und undelivered something important to your children.

They will lack that for the rest of their lives because you did not show that on time: strength, courage and healthy dose of self-esteem combined with generosity, because without it they will never make somebody else happy and will never be truly happy themselves.

Because you need something else rather than shoe polish to change the color of a cat.

By the way, now I have a black cat and he is  the complete egotist!