I have written this series of excerpts from my journal, as a humble effort to honor my mother on Mothers Day. I have concentrated on the bond between mother and daughter, because I am a daughter; but let me say that there is also a very special bond that a mother experiences with a son. I know, because I have four sons, and each one is a wonder...a marvelous gift..and owns my heart in his own way.

My mother had two children -both girls. I am the oldest by four years. My experience with my mother is different in some ways than that of my sister, yet we shared a similar realtionship with her, and we both lived in that unique and mystical connection to her; so what I have written could be my sisters' words as well.

But these are my words, borne from my experience, living in my heart.

I discovered over the years, and through the loss of my mother, how deep and profound the bond that connected us is, and the strength it possess. It is a bond that survives the worst of relationships, the rubble of anger, the pain of disappointments, and the despair of rejection. I have and will always love my mother, in-spite of her short comings, her failures, and her mistakes.

My mother was not perfect, but she was dedicated; then mental illness robbed her of the ability to be the mother that her heart had dedicated her to be. There were some hard times, and I am ashamed to say that I failed her in many ways, because I could not understand that horrible place that had claimed her mind. But the bond we shared, overcame the moments of insanity ( we both experienced); and our love for each other, forgave and healed every hurt. I never wished for another mother. She was always at the center of my heart, the voice in my head, and the vision I had of myself. Even when I hated her - I adored her. She was the person I needed most to approve of me, and the only person I knew - without a doubt - who would always love me unconditionally.

I am now experiencing that unique and mystical bond with my daughter. The following is a personal note I sent to my daughter for her birthday, along with a little gold flip flop charm. I wanted to share with her the ways in which we will always be part of each other; and let her know that this special connection and unity is a gift...a gift that will not fade with time, but will only grow stronger over the years.

"This little charm reminds me of you...cute, feminine, comfortable, and unpretentious. It also reminds me of our relationship , and the similarities we share."

"...When we are little girls we play dress up in our mothers clothes and shoes. When we are grown up we find ourselves living in them. Not literally, but in so many ways we become our mothers. We take her with us when we travel our own lives. Our personalities, bodies, character, mannerisms, always reflect something of the woman who came before us. A wise woman will build on the positive things, and somehow overcome the negative. You my daughter, are a wise woman."

"I look at my hands and feet and I see my mother. I look at your hands and feet and I see me."

LESSONS IN LOVE

My mother instilled in me a reverence for God, although we we did not belong to any particular church, and seldom attended church services. But she taught me what I needed to know, and demonstrated that reverence in her life. The "golden rule," was not just a nice saying, but something to be lived. She taught me that it is more blessed to give than to receive, not by reading to me from a book, but by opening her home to those needing a place to stay, or a place to be safe...by feeding someone who was hungry, and by sharing what little she had, and not asking more of life than she needed. She taught me how to be a woman, a wife, and a mother, by way she filled those positions. The way she mothered helped me to see the awesome responsibilities in being a mother, the extent to which a mother must be willing to sacrifice, and the depth of love she must possess in order to do all those things.

Although my mother has passed from this life she is still with me. Each morning as I slip on my shoes, I see my mothers feet. When I reach out to some task, or to comfort someone, I see my mothers hands; and when I look into the mirror - more and more I see my mothers face. I thank God for these visual connections, and reminders. Over the years I have come to realize that I am not just my mothers daughter - I am her legacy.

And my daughter is mine.

The End.