At first glance, a neat freak living with a chronic clutterer may seem humorous. For some, living with someone who can't seem to keep themselves organized may seem like an impossible thing to do. And for others it may seem like the only way to tackle this issue is to organize the clutterer.

I'm here to tell you, no matter what view you may hold on this issue, that both partners CAN live simultaniously, side by side, with ease and prosperity, and WITHOUT having to change a thing about themselves, or the one they live with. I am living proof.

Just as no one has the same opinions, nor do they hold the exact same order of importance when it comes to the to do's in life.

This was a difficult lesson for me to learn. It took a lot of soul searching to keep calm about the situation.

You may have guessed by now... I am the neat freak. I admit that. And for the special love of my life who does not hold this "ability" of mine in as high regards as I did, it was, I'm sure, not easy to always live with me.

You see, while keeping your surroundings perfect is a seemingly coveted situation to be in, the process of getting and staying there, while seemingly a flawless personality trait, can truly be a pain for the one who is a bit more "care free" with their time and space. A difficult thing to accept, but it is a truth we neat freaks must realize.

Chances are, the signs were always there. If you'd been dating long enough, you would have noticed the clutter, the lack of putting away, the putting away haphazardly, or the not putting away at all; after a while at least. The excuse you recieved, if you'd asked, may have been, "I'd rather spend more time with you." You would have been flattered and figured one day, when you lived together, or married, your partner would do the right thing.

Unfortunately, that may not be the case. You may end up head-butting more than you wanted to realize. Forever is a long time. A year is a long time. A month is a long time.

There are many different tactics that are tried by the neat one in the family. Allowing more closet space, for example. Placing a catch-all by the door is another possibility. Perhaps even buying more drawers, giving up space to the other person, tidying up for them, buying organizers, etc. are other possibilities. Some "neat" people tend to get very clever in their attempts to subdue the clutter made by the slob.

But truth be told, there's only so much trying one can do before one succombs to nagging, anger, feelings of being taken advantage of, and a list of other thoughts and emotions come into fruition.

Worst of all despite attempts on both sides, the fact remains that there are some things that can only get worse by trying to work them out in a one sided way. You see, chances are, while the slob loves the clean and neat, he or she also does not mind the mess (untill it gets to be too much for them, which happens, though never soon enough for the organized one).

Several things may happen at this point. A breakup is entirely possible (they've happened for much less serious reasons). Depression can certainly come out of it (sounds as drastic as a breakup, but regardless of its severity, it is still a possible outcome). And then there is the possiblitly that the neat freak will become uncaring of their surroundings, chosing the easy way out by going out; or the neat freak will become obsessed with cleaning and organization, possibly going so far as tossing out anything that isn't put away where it ought to be.

At some point, something needs to be done. Not passively, not aggressively. There is no point for something like this to take over a couple's lives and cause a rift in love and communication. There is no point or resolve in the chronic clutterer demanding the neat freak to stop being so neat, or even to find reasons why the neat person should be responsible for cleaning up everything; just as there is no resolve in the tidy one expecting the same neat behavior out of the other at all costs.

The final resolve is actually a simpler thing to come by that one may think. Though it certainly may take some creativity, it is possible, and it is beautiful.

My solution for the person who enjoys the outcome of their organizational skills:

Take back your space -

• Use all the space you need (without overdoing it) for your items.
• Make your side of the closet perfect for you. Place a barrier between your side and "their" side. Let their side look as messy and overwhelming as they like. Your side should be in front or the first excessible spot, or you may never know what your side looks like.
• Make sure that "their side" of any room is NOT near a closet or entryway or you may never get in or out again.Your side of the bed should be on the "visible" side of the room, so that each time you go in there you feel at peace. Decorate your side as simply and comforting as you like.
• If their stuff gets in your space, one simple toss will free your space up nicely. They've tossed in the first place (doubtful the item in your section has been folded and neatly placed in your section, so an extra toss is not going to hurt).

Take back your time -

• Witih all the extra time you have on your hands, now that you are no longer worrying or fussing, you'll find that you are much happier.
• Do your own laundry first.  There's no point in sifting through items trying to figure out if they are clean or dirty.  If they'd like to, they can put their laundry in a laundry basket so you can take it down when it's full.  All overflowing items can be tossed back into one of their piles for another time.
• Iron your own stuff.  Unless they do a decent job at keeping their clothing items hung, why should it be the tidy one's job to crease out the wrinkles.  There's really no more to be said here except, enjoy your extra time.
• As much as organized people thrill at being able to find stuff,  rather than finding stuff for the disorganized one, point them in the direction of one of their various piles or sections, while you read a book or do something else you enjoy doing (because this is no longer your problem).

Yes! 

As a neat freak, you can be as freakishly neat as you like with your own things, without getting in your partners way. 

You'll live side by side, the neat without feeling as though you are taken advantage of, and your mate without feeling as though their beautiful self is being overlooked because of one small flaw. 

Smiles will reappear where once there were scowls.

And that heavy feelings of keeping it all in and trying to accept the other's odd ways will disappear, because you'll each have personalized spaces, and more time to spend with eachother, in harmony.