Summer is over. All of the action-packed blockbusters have been released and now we are getting into the fall and winter season of film. Between now and the end of December, there are some really great new releases coming out. But this is not what this is about. This is about the terrible upcoming movies that are slated to come out between now and the end of the year. You should avoid these movies at all costs.

Or go watch them and piss the audience off by mocking the film during its showing.

Sorority Row:

This looks like possibly one of the most idiotic films to come out in the last couple of years. It is like a combination of I Know What You Did Last Summer and ….. Oh wait; it is pretty much a remake of I Know What You Did Last Summer. The only difference is that the killer uses a tire iron to kill people instead of a hook. To sum up the movie, a group of college students accidentally kill one of their friends while playing a prank and then at graduation week, a hooded killer begins picking them off one by one. Intrigued? Me neither. Just watch the trailer and laugh with me.

Note: I am aware that this is yet another remake, but since most people have not heard of it or seen it, it really doesn’t matter

Old Dogs

Maybe I’m just not the demographic for this movie. Maybe it won’t be as bad as it looks. Or maybe this film should have never been made. The film stars John Travolta and Robin Williams as best friends who find themselves in hilarious situations (get excited). Look, I’m not saying Old Dogs won’t make some money or that a few sixty-five year olds won’t think this is funny. Unfortunately, Robin Williams hasn’t made a good comedy in years and I’m afraid Old Dogs won’t change that.

The Stepfather

Hey, does anyone want to see Domestic Disturbance again? Remember that film where Vince Vaughn played a bad guy and John Travolta has a mullet? Well it is coming out again but the only difference is one of the guys from Nip Tuck is playing the killer, not Vince Vaughn. I realize this film is a remake, but at least the original was rated R. The new one is rated PG-13 and is geared towards teenagers who think this premise is fun, daring, and original. Avoid this film. Watch Domestic Disturbance, which isn’t that good, but I guarantee it will be better than The Stepfather. Or just watch the original.

Saw VI

I loved the first Saw. I thought it was original and really twisted, but do we really need another Sawfilm? It is incredible to think that Lionsgate has cranked out a Saw film every year since the first one was released. The franchise has boiled down to this: Open up with a cool and/or random gruesome death, fill in the next hour with more gruesome deaths, and then finish off with a couple of tacked on plot twists that will leave the franchise open for another sequel. Save your $20 and just rent a real horror movie like The Shining or The Thing.

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel

The title alone on this film makes me cringe. I can’t really act surprised that a sequel was made because the original grossed over $200 million domestically. There is really not much to say about this film except that it will be relying on the same gimmicks as the original did, just with a different plot. If you’re interested, this film is coming out on Christmas. I can think of about 1,261,932 things I would rather get on Christmas than have someone take me to go see this movie.

2012

If you want to see some really cool special effects and United States landmarks being destroyed, then by all means see 2012. Director Ronald Emmerich loves making films with gigantic budgets and a plethora of special effects. His three most recent films: 2012, 10,000 B.C, and The Day After Tomorrow have had respective budgets of $200 million, $105 million, and $125 million. I liked my share of disaster movies back when Twister and Armageddon came out and I was between the ages of nine and eleven. It is safe to say that the “disaster film” genre has been run into the ground and buried alive. If you really want to watch 2012, just watch the trailer because it gives away the entire movie.

Almost every one of these new releases is a sequel, remake, or a terrible rip-off of some other movie. It really does sadden me that most of these films were even made. So if you go to the theatres in the next couple of months, avoid these movies and spend your money on something a little more valuable.