As I was sitting at my kitchen table this morning, I glanced up and saw the calendar. It hit me like a ton of bricks...in less then 5 days it will be 2008. Now I know that it shouldn't have come as a big surprise I mean Christmas was just this week, but it did hit me totally by surprise!

I sat there thinking what new year resolutions can I make...I took a long hard look at the past year. Not just for business, in fact I am not going to even post what my business goals are but more my personal goals for myself.

I am not going to post "I need to lose weight and get back into shape" that is a given lol...I decided I really needed to take this time to take a good long look at my life and the way things have changed over the past year.

This year I have been struggling with many feelings. Feelings of helplessness as I watched my grandmother in the hospital getting weaker and weaker, feelings of anger as I see how one person in our life can not only make me crazy and feel totally out of control but watch as this one person makes my own kids and hubby feel worthless. I am not one to hold grudges, or feelings of hate...but this year I have had those times where I just couldn't stand to look at someone...this person who has totally changed our world, totally lives for their selves and their selves only, watched as this person destroyed our family and watched as control was taken away and how we (hubby and I) gave our control away...not meaning too but in the sense of wanting to help a family member, instead of actually helping him we only enabled him to continue being abusive not only to me but the rest of my family as well.

Last night I watched as he took an item that my MIL bought for me the last Christmas she was alive and give it to his daughter because she wanted it and her mother bought it...but it was mine! I used to just sit there and let my FIL do whatever he wanted to do, but this past year I have seen by letting him get away with this stuff because I hate conflict it did nothing to stop the behavior it only increased it. In the end I got my items back but the whole situation was a fight, he tried to tell me I was lying, etc etc and that he had the right to give away anything he pleased...I had to remind him that not everything in this house is his....it is now our house...yes, there are items in this house that are his but not everything that is sitting around here is his to give away. I had just told my SIL that those Gingerbread people were mine (she was admiring them..) and that Mom had given those to me the Christmas before she died. She then proceeded to go to dad and tell him he wanted them. My son came running to me and said that she was bagging them up...

The whole situation was heart breaking and made me feel like once again, I had no control over my life.

Why did I tell you this whole story, I am sure you are all wondering why in the world????

Well last night's situation really hit home to me this morning when I realized that I wanted to write down some real New Year's resolutions so here goes....

1. Take control over my life once again

2. Don't allow others to walk all over myself or my family

3. Not be afraid to speak up in situations

4. Stop letting family members walk all over my family in the "name of respect"-respect needs to be earned too-here I mean I am worth being respected, just because someone is older then me (from the "I am your elder, you will do what I say" generation) does not mean I need to give them respect if they do not respect me.

5. Don't run from confrontations

6. TAKE Back CONTROl-this is my life, my family, my kids and my house-I will not allow others to tell me how to run our life and I will not allow myself to be negative all the time.

7. Try to let go feelings of anger. This one is a hard one for me, I woke up this morning sick to my stomach, knots in my stomach, pain....why? Because I kept thinking about how much my life is not the way I want it to be...I allow one person to ruin my day! I will not allow anyone to ruin my day, whatever happens it is their problem and they can learn to deal with it.

8. Learn to let go-this one is a very hard one for me! I can brew about a situation till I am blue in the face or until my hubby yells at me (lol) that he is sick of hearing about it...not because I like brewing but I am scared to confront the people who are making me feel this way.

This one will not be an easy one for me, as anyone who knows me well will tell you I HATE confrontations and I tend to feel I am not "worthy" of speaking my thoughts or I am scared of others and what they think....and I don't like to "rock the boat" but what good is that going to do.

I tell my kids to stand up to bullies and they will run but what do I do with the biggest bully in our lives? I let him do whatever he wants and say whatever he wants to me because I hate confrontations and I am afraid to speak my mind and tell it like I see it.

Not anymore!

So the short end of this post, my new year's resolution is to gain control back in my life, and not allow others to control how I am feeling that day.

So what are your resolutions?

I don't mean lose weight, stop smoking etc etc, what is it in your life you really want to change?