How Long Should One Wait to Get a New Pet After an Old Pet Passes On?
74Sometimes it Feels Good to Give
There is No Set Answer
If you've ever lost a beloved pet you have probably come to realize that there is no set time in the mourning process. Others who usually aren't pet owners may chastise you for your grief: "Just go out and get another pet, for goodness sakes!" But is this really the way to mourn the loss of your furry family member?
Obviously every one is different, or facing different circumstances. Sometimes children make the impassioned heart-tugging plea, "Couldn't we just *look*,?" while others may feel something is lacking in their life since a pet has passed on, that they miss the comfort and joy of having a faithful companion at one's side. Others may need to add a new pet for a surviving pet who isn't used to being alone.
I think the most important aspect in trying to find a new pet after another has passed on is that you understand you are not replacing your previous pet. This is very important because if you come into owning a new pet with the attitude that they're replacing another pet that has passed on three things can possibly happen. 1. The new pet will be consistently compared to the old pet and you'll lose a lot of the joy involved in the unique experience that is each animal... 2. These expectations can cause you to resent your new pet, which is hardly fair! 3. Animals are very receptive to our emotional states and will know if they are really being appreciated for who they are, an unappreciated animal is likely to lash out or behave poorly.
If children are the concern I mentioned, talk to them about how they feel. They are sure to be hurting and missing the part of your family that has passed on as well. If you cannot say yes, yet, let them know just that. Tell them that you are too hurt right now to buy or adopt another pet, but in the future it is a definite possibility.
If you feel that you need a pet around for companionship, depending on your age and the age of other pets in the house, consider the possibility of adopting a young kitten or puppy. Having a young animal to train can help increase your joy in a time of such sorrow. Just make sure you are able to appreciate and love your new pet for the unique individual s/he is.
If the reason you're looking into getting a new cat, dog, or other animal is to keep another pet company consider the age of your surviving pet. A new puppy or kitten may be absolutely adorable to you, but older pets will generally find such young playmates to be a terrible nuisance. (Though, I have heard some rather sweet stories about older pets taking on a care taking role towards young arrivals.) On the whole, though, I think it's better to keep pets ages relatively close together, they'll generally have the same tolerances and energy levels. Remember, there are *always* many wonderful older pets out there available for adoption.
In essence, you need to do what feels right for you and your family. I feel awful for people when they've lost a pet, many don't take it as seriously as it should be, it's a shame. Make sure you're allowing yourself the amount of time *you* need to grieve and then go back out there and find an animal to share your love and life with. Life is too short not to allow ourselves happiness! The best thing, all around, in my opinion though is to adopt animals. There are so many out there in need of a loving home that it seems wrong to me to go to a pet store and buy an animal. (Unless there are medical considerations involved, of course.) You'll feel it when you know you're ready to get a new pet, no one can make that decision for you other than yourself.
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Aw, patspnn, I'm *so* sorry to hear that! It's always so hard when we lose a pet that hasn't even begun it's journey yet. My condolences.
Thank you i lost the puppy 8 years ago but now i feel kind a apprehensive because my dogs are getting older but i cried for weeks...i still cry when i think of little lionel
At least as long as it takes for a good looking rich widow to latch onto a new boy friend??
Awww... It's hard when your pets start getting on in age. Just enjoy the time you have with them, let them know they're loved... I still miss my kitty that I had to give up years ago. She was a fantastic pet. She'd pee on my (now ex) husband's stuff whenever he was mean to me.
Thank you for answering my request :-)
that older cat photo looks like my pet that died...
Oh, Stacie L, I'm so sorry! I thought about that, too, when I was posting the pics up, thanks for making the request, one of the other hubbers who answered it as well had links up for support groups, (which honestly, I didn't think of,) but I hope they'll be of some help! I'm really sorry if I caused painful rememberances for you, it's always so hard when you lose a member of the family. Just remember to give it some time, listen to your heart and ADOPT! (I love pushing pet adoption, sorry.)
This hub really rang true for me. My family had a cat that was already part of the family when I was born, and she died when I was a senior in high school. It was especially tough because I had never known life without her. We waited approximately 7 months before going to a humane society "to just look", like you said! Well, after "just looking" we came home with 2 baby girl kitties.
The part you wrote about the new pet not replacing the old one is very true. Despite knowing that the girls were not the same as my old cat, I still expected them to heal the heart wound that was left by my cat's death. Unfortunately, just like a human, one is not interchangeable for another. It took a long time to heal. I love my new girls, and I will always love my old girl. Our hearts are big enough to love them all.
ProfoundPuns: Wow... I can't imagine losing a pet, a part of my family after so many years. I appreciate you reading and taking the time to comment, I know my boyfriend has been feeling the loss of his cat very deeply and it's been almost a year that he's passed on. Getting a new cat, (or any animal,) just isn't an option for us anymore, since I'm allergic to cats & we're working towards having a pet-free household. (He has another cat who is getting on in years.) I'm so happy you guys went to the humane shelter to find your new babies, it really warms my heart to see people being responsible in their pet ownership. Yes, pets are not interchangeable, but like you said, we have enough love in our hearts to give to all of them. Some part of us will always miss our lost loved ones, but sharing our love anew will help ease some of the pain of our loss.
wonderful hub!
Thanks, LondonGirl!
Very good idea for a hub! We do get attached to the little fur persons don't we?!
I never did replace a favorite dog but it didn't take long before 2 mama cats saw that I was ripe for the plunder and adopted me! grin. It's been fun ever since.
Now when a loved pet passes on I remember the good moments we had, let go easily, and then look forward to the new guys in town joining the household, ordering off the menu and snoozing on what was supposed to be my king-sized bed.
Actually, had a friend who had a childhood family cat that lived for 28 years and it was quite the trauma when that Siamese passed on. 28 years? wow! that was really a special animal.
Denny Lyon- Holy smokes! 28 years old? How old would that be in cat years? I like remembering the good times I had with my pets after they're gone, too. Sometimes letting go can be so hard, though. I'm happy your new adoptive parents (an alternative family, eh?,) are keeping you & your king-sized bed company. Thanks for taking the time to read & comment, I appreciate your input!
I have strong inkling that our pets go over to the other side and wait for us. That's not actually lost, just out of sight. This may mean that the one who loses the pet can have some sort of peace.
Aw, Coast Runner, that is a really sweet sentiment. I love that idea, thanks for taking the time to read and comment, that does give me a sense of comfort. (Though, I wonder when I cross the finish line how many pets I'll be caring for. I know at least 17 goldfish who will be waiting for me.)
This is a lovely treatment of this topic! Thank you! :)
Thanks, justmesuzanne!
Nice hub. There is no right answer to this question. It' s so hard losing a pet. When my dog died, I stayed in bed for days crying. I wasn't sure if I should even think about getting another dog. Eventually I did, and I think it helped. I just needed time to get over it.
Hi Everyone . Ive had dogs and cats all down through the years ,which have had loving a loving home .I was laid off of from work 5 weeks ago , so i decided to get myself a 4 week old kitten . She as such sweet heart.
After having her for this time a saw her grow, be herself and come out of herself. Two night ago while mixing her dinner i stood on her and she died . I am so numb all over .What do i do ?????
megankouz: Aw, I'm so sorry for your loss, but once you start to feel a little better about things I think it does help to get another pet. I hope you and the new pup are getting along well!
neilryan: Wow. I have to say that is the most awful thing I've ever heard. You must feel so terrible. She must have had something physically wrong with her, I know I've stepped on my cats many times, (and dogs,) and none of them have ever died because of it. (I will say though that fear of stepping on / sitting on my pets is the main reason I'll never buy one of those designer "purse pocket" dogs.) I don't even know where to begin, you could try to get another kitten after some time has passed, but if you're still numb the grieving process still hasn't begun. I'd ask you if you were sure that no one else in the house had been abusing her ... or if she'd been abused before you got her from the shelter, but it just seems cruel at this point, the best thing you could do, in my opinion, is to process this and move on by getting what will turn out to be (hopefully) a heartier kitten. Usually pets don't die, (especially cats,) by being stepped on.
my little chihuahua spencer passed away tuesday after 10 years together and all i do is lay around and cry, i haven't eaten in days and its not getting better
joe: Your local shelter / vet may have the number of a support group for you, I'd recommend giving them a call. I'm so sorry for your loss.
patspnn says:
12 months ago
I lost a 10 week old puppy and it took me months to get over