There’s no denying it… arguments and disagreements are a part of any relationship.

Though, rolling of the eyes and throwing hands into the air is not the solution to be taking. Unfortunately, more often than not, peace is miraculously restored by sweeping issues under the carpet – and just the ingredients needed to set the wheels in motion for a break up.

Now, how about looking for some sort of solution to your issues instead? One that doesn’t involve runnying away in the dark of the night?

As with most things, you have to understand WHY you’re doing the things you do.

You see… men and women are hard wired to communicate in different ways, and this often leads to many of the arguments and disagreements you see in your relationship.

Here’s why…

• How can you understand the opposite sex if their way of communicating is different to yours?

It’s a recipe for disaster.

Men interact with a specific purpose in mind. They want to achieve something. Because of this, the conversation is always very directed and fact-based. Once they’ve settled the issue, that’s it, mission accomplished. Men connect by doing things together.

Women, on the other hand, use talking as a means of connecting. Their “purpose”, if you like, is to share and bond. Conversations will be lengthy, detailed, often involving emotions, experiences and wandering all over the place. A woman will be satisfied if she can have a lengthy conversation where there is a whole lot of sharing and listening.

If you compare two guys in conversation and two women in conversation, you’ll see the different ways in which both communicate.

Guys talk facts and opinions (without feelings) and often about things that they’re going to be doing together. Very soon the conversation needs some sort of action, such as checking out one of their cars.

The women will huddle down together and become engrossed in each others’ lives and feelings.

Looking at car engines whilst discussing a major problem that she’s having with a work colleague just doesn’t seem to gel.

Jokes aside though, typically the woman is talking to her man from the heart and the man will be giving advice from the head. The guy thinks he’s doing a great job of sorting out her problems.

The woman is frustrated because she wants to be listened to and understood. She wants to get her feelings out there. That’s HER “solution”, and NOT “the guy’s perfect plan of action which will sort out her mess.”

When she doesn’t do anything about the issue, the guy get’s fed up with talking and giving advice. He doesn’t understand why she doesn’t simply solve it like he told her to. The woman, on the other hand, feels hurt because to talk is her way of feeling close and building intimacy.

The guy has the problem. The woman wants to talk about it. She wants to know and understand his feelings and innermost thoughts. Guys just don’t do that. It’s the wiring, but also something else.

Right from the Stone Age, a guy’s drive is towards status, dominance and power. To sit and discuss his worries, fears and stresses is, well, plain sissy. A guy needs space and time to sort it out on his own.

Another problem that comes in with a guy’s desire for status:

• Men don’t want to be told what to do.
  

If you ask a woman to do something for you, usually she’ll want to help. So, a woman expects that if she asks a man for something, he’ll gladly come to the party. It’s just that often this doesn’t happen – or doesn’t happen easily.

A guy wants his dominance. And to be told what to do means you’re not the kingpin anymore. A guy sees a woman’s request as an order. He’s gonna resist at all costs. The guy thinks she’s nagging, the woman thinks he’s not caring. Recipe for rifts again.

You can see that male-female communication is a minefield. Men and women have very little chance of surviving harmoniously together if they don’t try to understand one another and work towards compromises.

(Gals…)

• You never listen to me.
• Why won’t you ever share your feelings? You don’t love me.
• You never help me with the garbage.

(Guys…)

• Why don’t you just do what I said? It will solve the whole problem.
• I don’t want to talk about it.
• Stop nagging me.

Then think about how your brain is wired to think and communicate. Think about what you could change in your communication style to get close to your ex again.