I'm not quite sure why, but I have finally come to realization that love is not what I had been told about at previous dates and years when my mind and heart were still young and unhardened. It had been embedded within me since before I can remember that "love" was not something that could be controlled, it was something that merely happened when you find that right guy. One can only suppose that 22 years of Disney embedded lies would do that to a person. You know the one, the kind that seems to like everything that you like and treats you like a queen, and keeps you laughing at every turn. You all go out on dates, and sometimes even just enjoy the one another's company and spend the night in the house. It doesn't really matter to you, as long as you get to bask in the personality of that special guy. But somewhere between here and there I have begun to realize that the whole dating thing is nothing more than a façade to trap you in. The personality that you see the first three months of the relationship is merely a mask complied of bullshit. But unfortunately for us that bullshit smells pretty nice, and we become enchanted with the scent, if fact we fall in love with it. Then when the true person reveals itself were stand aghast wondering how we got here. But yet we still hold on...because after all we are in love. Because for some strange reason we hope that the smell of bullshit will overcome us once again. That the personality that we fell for will some how mystically appear before us. Yet in the mean time we don't love this new personality, but we become use to it, and learn to tolerate the fact that he isn't perfect. The fact is that subconsciously we always new that the original persona was merely that, a persona that was not real. But yet we hope and pray in desperation that it will come back to us and make us fell like the beautiful woman that it once did. So we sit and wait, sniffing at the air hoping for the slightest sent of bullshit to come our way.